.DEVRIES.  IBARRA  &CD. 'I, 
Importers, 

,3  Beacon  St.-  Boston. *l 


|0isiai 


GROTESCO-COMICO-HEROIC   POEM 


Dr.  Carl  §rn0I&  |iorittm 


CHARLES   T.   BROOKS 

TRANSLATOR    OF    "  FAUST,"    "  TITAN,"    ETC.,    ETC. 


PHILADELPHIA  : 
RI  CKC      Ij  B  ^f  ]?  O  L,  ID  T  . 
LONDON  :— TRUBNER  &   CO. 
1863. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1863,  by 
F.  LETPOLDT. 

In  the  Clerk's  office  in  the  District  Court  of  the  United 
States  in  and  for  the  Eastern  District  of  Pennsylvania. 


PRINTED  BT  KING  &   BAIKD. 


t 

THE 

£ift  ©pintails,  Mm$,  anb  /ate 

OF 

IjfipFDnimus  3tofes, 

TUB 

CANDIDATE, 

A 

MAN  WHO   WHILOM   WON   GREAT  RENOWN, 
AND  DIED 

AS 

Night-Watch  in  Schildeburg  Town. 


Throughout,  beginning,  end,  and  middle, 
Adorned  with  wood-cuts,  neat  as  a.  fddle, 
A  gay  historia,  fithy  and  terse, 
Writ  in  new-fashion  doggerel  verse. 


TRANSLATOR'S  PREFACE. 


CARL  ARNOLD  KORTUM,  the  author  of  this  unique 
poem — which  may  almoft  be  faid  to  form  a  genus  by 
itfelf — was  born  at  Miihlheim  in  1745,  and  died  as 
Phyfician,  at  Bochum,  a  fmall  town  in  Weftphalia, 
in  1824,  in  the  eightieth  year  of  his  age.  If  we  knew 
the  particulars  of  his  life,  we  might  perhaps  find  in 
him  an  anfwer  to  Solomon's  queftion  in  regard  to 
laughter:  "What  doeth  it?"  namely,  It  prolongeth 
man's  days. 

The  Jobfiad  enjoys  a  great  and  general  popularity 
in  its  native  country,*  and  is,  of  courfe,  a  particular 

*  In  Marggraff's  Houfe-treafury  of  German  humor  occurs 
the  following  : — 

"The  Jobfiad  firft  appeared  anonymoufly  in  1784,  and 
has  now  reached  its  Tenth  Edition,  [of  feveral  thoufand 
copies  each]  which  may  well  be  regarded  as  a  proof  of  the 
power  of  this  jolly  book  to  ftand  the  teft  of  time.  A  book 
may  attain  to  feveral  editions  in  fwift  fucceflion,  and  then 
after  all  be  fuddenly  forgotten  or  no  more  read  5  but  when, 
after  half  a  century,  new  editions  of  a  book  are  ftill  called 


viii  Trait/later 's  Preface. 

favorite  of  ftudents,  feveral  of  whom  the  tranflator  has 
heard  recite  paflages  from  it — "  pompoufly  fquaring 
the  circle  defcribed  by  the  wrinkle  round  the  mouth," 
as  Jean  Paul  fays  of  Schoppe — with  exceeding  rich- 
nefs  of  comic  effecl.  Perhaps,  indeed,  to  be  perfectly 


for  and  pafs  out  of  print  again, — this  is  certainly  a  proof  of 
its  having  a  kernel  of  national  and  lafting  vitality.  The 
Job/lad  owes  the  popularity  which  it  ftill  continues  to  find 
as  well  to  its  draftic  drollery  in  the  invention  and  manage 
ment  of  characters  and  fituations,  and  their  ethico-hiftorical 
intereft,  as  to  the  circumftance,  that  pedantry,  with  its  in 
numerable  abfurdities,  (which,  indeed,  forms  the  main  object 
of  this  comic  poem)  has  not  even  to  this  day  died  out  in 
Germany,  and  will  hardly  ever  die  out,  though  it  fhould 
from  time  to  time  allume  different  forms.  The  treatment 
betrays  an  original  vis  comica  and  a  naive  drollery  fuch  as 
are  at  this  day  feldom  found ;  nay,  the  comic  rifes  fome- 
times  even  to  humor,  infofar  as  we  may  regard  it  as  one  of 
the  peculiarities  of  humor,  that  the  Poet  tofles  about  the 
world,  which  he  fees  at  his  feet,  with  fovereign  caprice,  with 
an  ideal  whimficality,  that  never  fuffers  itfelf  to  be  degra 
ded,  by  the  follies  on  which  it  exercifes  its  perfiflage,  to  the 
level  of  hypochondriacal  moodinefs  or  a  fchoolmafter-like 

pedantry The  Jobfiad  owes  a  great   part 

of  its  efteft  to  the  peculiar  doggerel,  fince  become  typical, 
managed  by  him  with  the  moft  riotous  extravagance  of 
whimfy,  and  yet  at  the  fame  time  with  the  fure  hand  of  a 
mafter,  which  Kortiim,  with  happy  hit,  himfelf  originally 
created  for  his  epic." 


Tranjlator's  Preface.  ix 

enjoyed  and  appreciated,  fuch  a  produ6Kon  mould  be 
heard  as  read  by  fome  one  who  has  the  fkill  and  fpirit 
to  give  it  the  proper  tone  and  t<wang,  or,  perhaps,  it 
might  advantageoufly  be  accompanied  with  a  fcale 
of  mufical  and  nafal  intonation. 

By  way  of  giving  the  reader  all  the  help  the  cafe 
feems  to  admit,  in  the  abfence  of  the  defiderata  jult 
referred  to,  the  translator  will  add  a  few  remarks  in 
refpeft  to  rhyme  and  rhythm. 

It  will  be  obferved,  as  one  of  the  commoneft  re 
quirements  in  making  out  the  meafure  and  fecuring 
the  comic  effeft,  that  all  forts  of  liberties  are  taken, 
for  inftance,  with  accent.  Thus,  for  the  fake  of  rhyme, 
fuch  words  as  Baron,  Turkey ,  Father,  and  many 
others,  have  the  ftrefs  transferred  to  the  laft  fyllable  j 
and  fo,  too,  frequently,  contrary,  neceJJ~ary,  will  fome- 
times  have  the  emphafis  thrown  on  the  laft  fyllable 
but  one. — Equal  licence  is  allowed  in  fpelling.  Svoahia 
is  fpelt  Siuaby  to  rhyme  with  baby.  Nature  is  fpelt 
Natur  to  rhyme  with  Senater.  The  final  g  is  repeat 
edly  cut  off  from  participles.  Thus  fpinning  becomes 
fpinnin1  for  the  fake  of  making  it  rhyme  with  women. 
— But  the  reader's  Yankee  fenfe  will  do  juftice  to  all 
thefe  things  as  he  goes  along,  and  pra&ice  will  beget 
fmoothnefs,  the  rough  quality  being  gradually  worn 
off  by  the  friction  and  heat  of  a  rapid  movement. 


x  Tranjlators  Preface. 

One  word  more  in  regard  to  the  metre  of  this  ram 
pant  doggerel,  and  the  tranflator,  with  the  author,  com 
mits  his  work  to  the  "  indulgent  reader."  The  metre 
is  certainly  fomewhat  particular  metre.  The  fhorteft 
and  moft  fatisfa&ory  key  to  be  given  for  the  fcanning 
is  to  fay,  boldly,  that  each  line  confifts  of  four  feet, 
each  foot  containing  as  many  or  few  fyllables  as  the 
cafe  may  require.  We  will  give  a  fpecimen,  trufting 
that  the  reader  will  then  feel  competent  to  career 
with  great  rapidity,  precifion  and  fatisfa&ion  over  the 
roughnefles  that  moft  ferioufly 

'•  Shake  the  rackt  axle  of  Art's  rattling  car," 

and  the  occafional  extended  trafts  of  verfe,  that  might 
otherwife  prove  to  fome  readers  in  this  fail  age  a 
dead  mans  journey. 

Take,  then,  the  following,  which  we  divide,  thus  : — 
(the  odd  fyllable  over  and  above  the  four  feet  in  the 
firft  couplet  being  a  mere  flourifh,  or  kick-up  of  the  laft 
foot — the  hind  foot,  fo  to  fpeak,  of  the  quadruped] : — 
"  If  one  |  of  his  pa  j  tients  chanced  |  to  recov  |  er, 
|  It  was  triim  |  peted  |  the  coun  |  try  o  |  ver, 
And  they  said     behold !  |  the  fa  |  mous  man  | 
Has  wrought  |  a  won  |  drous  cure  |  again. ! 
"  But  if  he  happened  to  lofe  his  patients, 

Or  they  died  in  the  midft  of  his  operations, 
'Twas  then  :  He  died  for  want  of  breath, 

There's  not  an  herb  growing 's  a  cure  for  death." 


Tranjlator 's  Preface.  xi 

The  Job/lad  will  already  have  had  a  certain  intro- 
duftion  and  commendation  in  this  country  by  the  four 
genial  pictures  of  Hafenclever,  now  in  Philadelphia, 
the  firft  reprefenting  Jobs  as  he  comes  home  to  his 
aftonifhed  family  from  the  Univerfity,  the  fecond  as 
he  appears  before  the  Clerical  Board  of  Examiners 
as  a  candidate  for  the  miniftry,  the  third,  as  a  fchool- 
mafter,  and  the  fourth,  as  night-watchman.  Thefe 
pictures  were  for  a  long  time  on  exhibition  at  the 
Dufseldorf  Gallery  in  New  York,  and  the  two  chapters 
of  this  tranflation  containing  Jobs's  letter  to  his  parents 
for  money,  when  he  was  at  college,  and  the  elder 
Jobs^s  anfwer,  were  printed  in  full  in  the  catalogue  of 
the  exhibition,  having  originally  appeared,  (the  firft  and 
only  portion  of  the  Job/lad  ever  printed  till  then  in 
Englifh)  in  the  "  Literary  World,"  at  that  time  under 
the  tafteful,  fpirited  and  generous  management  of  the 
brothers  Duyckinck,  whofe  kindnefs  the  tranflator 
here  gratefully  remembers. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

\ 

Preface,  and  the  Author  fets  out  to  defcribe  the  ftory  of 
Hieronimus  Jobs,  deceafed,  and  he  gives  his  little 
book  the  paternal  benediction  ............................  I 

CHAPTER  II. 

Of  the  parents  of  our  hero  and  how  he  was  born,  and 
of  a  memorable  dream  which  his  mother  had  .........  5 

CHAPTER  III. 

How  Mrs.  Jobs,  in  child-bed,  received  a  vifit  from  her 
female  friends,  and  what  Ma'am  Goflip  Schnepperle 
prophecied  of  the  child  ..................................  IO 

CHAPTER  IV. 
How  the  child  was   baptized,  and  how  he  was  named 


Hieronimus 


CHAPTER  V. 

How  the  little  child  Hieronimus  occupied  himfelf  ......      17 

(xiii) 

B 


xiv  Contents. 

CHAPTER  VI. 

Actions  and  opinions  of  Hieronimus  in  his  boyifh  years, 
and  how  he  went  to  fchool  19 

CHAPTER  VII. 

How"  the  boy  Hieronimus  went  to  the  Latin  fchool, 
and  how  he  did  not  learn  much  there 23 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

How  Hieronimus's  parents,  with  the  Rector  and  other 
friends,  took  counfel  what  they  fhould  make  out  of 
the  boy 26 

CHAPTER  IX. 

How  the  gipfy  Urgalindina  was  alfo  confulted  about 
Hieronimus,  who  underftood  the  chiromantic  art 28 

CHAPTER  X. 

How  Hieronimus  took  leave  of  his  parents  and  brothers 
and  fifters,  and  ftarted  for  the  univerfity 33 

CHAPTER  XI. 

How  Hieronimus  came  on  horfeback  to  the  poft-ftation, 
and  how  he  found  at  the  inn  a  diftinguifhed  gentle 
man,  named  Herr  Von  Hogier,  who  gave  him  whole- 
fome  leflbns,  and  was  a  knave 36 

CHAPTER  XII. 

How  Hieronimus  took  the  poft-wagon,  and  how  he 
found  therein  a  fair  one  with  whom  he  fell  in  love, 
and  who  ftole  his  watch 42 


Contents.  xv 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

How  Hieronimus  at  the  Univerfity  did  diligently  ftudy 
Theology 45 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

Contains  the  copy  of  a  letter,  which,  among  many 
others,  the  ftudent  Hieronimus  did  write  to  his 
parents 49 

CHAPTER  XV. 

Here  follows  a  copy  of  the  written  reply  of  old  Senator 
Jobs  to  the  foregoing  letter 57 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

How  Hieronimus  finifhed  his  ftudies,  and  how  he  jour 
neyed  home,  and  how  it  flood  with  his  learning ; 
nicely  reprefented  in  the  prefent  engraving 66 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

How  Hieronimus  booted  and  fpurred,  returns  to  his 
friends 69 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

How  Hieronimus  now  began  to  be  clerical,  and  how  he 
got  a  black  drefs  and  a  peruke,  and  how  he  preached 
for  the  firft  time  in  the  pulpit,  &c 74 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

How  Hieronimus  was  examined  for  a  Candidate,  and 
how  he  made  out  79 


xviii  Contents. 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

How  Hieronlmus  conceived  a  defire  to  be  a  play-actor, 
and  how  he  was  perfuaded  thereto  by  Mifs  Amelia...  162 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

How  Hieronimus  became  a  real  player,  and  how  Mifs 
Amelia  was  falfe  to  him  and  ran  off  with  a  rich 
gentleman,  and  how  he  alfo  in  defperation  went 
away 165 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 

How  Hieronimus  returned  home  to  Schildeburg  and  how 
he  found  there  all  forts  of  changes 168 

CHAPTER  XXXVI. 

How  Hieronimus  became  night-watchman  in  Schilde 
burg,  and  how  his  mother's  dream  and  Mrs.  Urgal- 
indina's  prophecy  were  fulfilled 171 

CHAPTER  XXXVII. 

How  Hieronimus  received  a  vifit  from  friend  Death, 
who  took  him  to  his  reft.  A  chapter  which  would 
do  for  a  funeral  fermon 175 


CHAPTER  I. 

Preface,  and  the  Author  sets  out  to  describe  the  story  if 
Hieronimus  Jobs,  deceased,  and  he  gives  his  little 
book  the  paternal  benediction. 


RESPECTED  READER!  for  thy  edification, 

And  likewife  for  my  own  recreation, 
A  fuperfine  hiftory  I  plan, 
Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  a  remarkable  man. 

i  CO 


i"          'The  L{fe.t  Opinion?,  Actions  and  Fate 

a.  Of  whom  I  have  many  things  to  mention, 
Deferring  your  particular  attention, 
And  who,  in  all  this  life's  queer  mufs, 
Was  a  curious  Hieronimus. 

3.  To  tell  all  about  him  were  out  of  the  queftion, 
'T  would  be  too  much  for  the  reader's  digeftion, 

And  paper  and  fpace  would  be  quite  too  fmall 
To  recite  his  adventures  each  and  all. 

4.  I  have  refpefting  him  many  Data, 

But  confine  myfelf  to  the  prominent  Fata, 

And  tell  what  he  did  from  the  day  of  his  birth 
That  was  moft  memorable  on  the  earth. 

5.  Now,  as  I  have  received  from  St.  Apollo 
The  laudable  gift  of  rhyme,  it  will  follow 

That  inftead  of  telling  my  tale  in  profe 
A  veiy  fine  kind  of  verfe  I  chofe. 

6.  I  may  not  always  adopt  that  meafure 
In  which  a  cultivated  ear  finds  pleafure ; 

The  indulgent  reader  will  confider  meanwhile 
That  this  is  what  they  call  the  popular  flyle. 

7.  From  my  anceftor,  old  Hans  Sachs,  I  inherit 
As  a  fecond  nature,  the  rhyming  merit, 

Hence  it  is  that  I  hold  poefy  fo  dear, 
And  relate  all  things  in  verfes  here. 

8.  There's  nobody  but  that  rehearfes 

My  coufin,  the  Wandfbeck  meflenger's  verfes, 
And  yet,  compared  with  my  fabric,  you'll  find 
That  his  are  very  far  behind. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate. 

9.  I  have  at  the  fame  time  labored  bufily, 
As  the  indulgent  reader  will  fee  very  eafily, 
To  have  the  book,  as  was  right  and  good, 
Adorned  with  fine  engravings  in  wood. 

10.  But  as  new  engravings  were  fcarce  and  coftly, 
I  have  borrowed  from  other  fources  moftly, 

And  yet  it  would  puzzle  any  one  to  tell 
That  they  'were  borrowed,  they  fit  fo  well. 

11.  They're  none  of  Chodowiecki's  chefs-d'oeuvre, 
I  aim  oft  flatter  myfelf,  however, 

They  will  do  as  well,  or  well  enough, 

To  help  the  book  through  a  world  fo  rough. 

12.  And,  then,  if  the  pictures  are  not  the  neateft, 
The  verfes,  too,  are  not  the  completed, 

And  fo  the  two  exactly  agree 
And  make  out  a  perfect  harmony. 

13.  And  now  little  Book,  I'll  no  longer  delay  thee; 
Go  hence,  to  the  fons  of  men  difplay  thee; 

There's  many  a  book  no  better  than  thou, 
Is  yearly  fent  to  the  Fair,  I  trow. 

14.  And  yet  allow  me  one  moment  to  linger, 
While  I  place  on  thy  head  my  authorial  finger, 

And  like  a  father  benignantly, 
Pronounce,  dear  Book,  a  blefling  on  thee  ! 

15.  May  heaven  protect  thee  a  good  long  feafon 
From  critics,  moths  and  lamp-paper  treafon, 

And  all  other  mifchiefs  that  await 
Printed  books  at  the  prefcnt  date. 


4  The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

1 6.  Thou  wilt  have,  both  in  and  out  of  Swaby, 
Thy  native  land,  many  readers,  may  be ; 

That  paper,  printing  and  labor  of  brain, 
May  not,  God  help  us !  have  been  in  vain. 

17.  Go  now  and  with  my  greetings  hie  thee 
To  all  and  each  who  read  and  buy  thee, 

And  to  every  worfhipful  Reviewer, 
My  fpecial  compliments,  be  fure. 

1 8.  Tell  them, (but  foftly,  that  they  may  not  be  offended,) 
How  they  have  often  reviewed  and  recommended, 

Many  a  book  before  now, 

That  was  much  worfe  written  than  thou. 


NOTES. 

Stanza  8.  The  Wandjbcck  meffenger  means  that  fimple- 
hearted  old  German,  Claudius,  born  in  1743,  who  so  called 
himself  and  took  for  the  motto  of  his  papers,  "  sffmus,  omnia 
fua  fecum  portans."  (Afmus,  carrying  all  his  poflefiions  with 
him.) 

Stanza  10.  And  yet  the  learned  reader  will  detect  in  the 
wood  cut  that  heads  this  chapter,  the  traditionary  picture  of 
St.  Luke,  attended  by  the  Ox,  and  writing  his  gofpel. 

Stanza  II.  Chodowiecki  was  a  famous  German  artift  in 
this  line,  born  at  Dantzic  in  1723. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate. 


CHAPTER  II. 

Of  the  parents  of  our  hero  and  how  he  nvas  born,  and 
of  a  memorable  dream  which  his  mother  had. 


T>EFORE  I  go  further,  it  is  my  intention, 
Of  our  hero's  two  parents  to  make  mention, 
And  a  word  or  two  muft  be  alfo  fet  forth 
Concerning  his  true  place  of  birth. 


6  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

2.  It  was,  then,  a  little  town  in  Swaby, 
\Vhere  the  parents  lived  who  had  this  baby, 

And  there  his  father,  Hans  Jobs  by  name, 
Was  a  coimfellor  of  confiderable  fame. 

3.  He  was  rich  in  cattle  and  that  fort  of  blefling, 
Befide  our  hero  many  other  children  pollefling, 

Of  the  male  fex  and  female  no  lefs, 

And  lived,  on  the  whole,  in  peace  and  happinefs. 

4.  He  had  in  wine  fome  little  dealings, 

Was  an  upright  man  in  his  walk  and  feelings, 
Juft  both  at  home  and  in  council  hall, 
And  a  great  economift  withal. 

5.  A  genuine  Lutheran  in  his  religious  perfuafion, 
In  philofophy  neither  Wolfian  nor  Cartefian, 

Becauie  in  fact  neither  Wolf  nor  Kant 
Noi  any  philofophy  could  he  underftand. 

6.  To  ftudy,  however,  he  had  fomewhat  attended, 
And  for  a  whole  year  the  gymnafium  frequented, 

And  confequently,  fo  far,  knew  much  more 
Than  any  worfhipful  counfellor  had  done  before. 

7.  When  poor  folks  came,  he  loved  to  befriend  them, 
And  for  a  pledge  would  gladly  lend  them, 

And  never  charged  more  than  ten  per  cent, 
And  was  fomewhat  phlegmatic  in  temperament. 

8.  He  was  rather  fhort  and  fquat  in  ftature, 
Was  endowed  with  a  great  appetite  by  nature, 

The  newspapers  he  loved  to  read, 

And  fmoked  many  a  pipe  of  narcotic  weed. 


Of  Hierontmus  Jobs,  the  Candidate  ^ 

9.  And  often  when  the  gall  ran  over, 
Severe  attacks  of  gout  he  would  fuffer, 
And  yet  he  always  found  himfelf  able 
To  take  his  place  at  the  council  table. 

10.  The  mother  was  of  refpectable  ftation, 

The  moft  eloquent  woman  in  the  Swabian  nation, 
Tall  and  virtuous  and  upright, 
And  meek  as  a  lamb — at  fir  ft  fight. 

n.  Only,  alas  !  as  too  often  the  cafe  is 
Not  only  here,  but  in  other  places, 

She  now  and  then,  when  it  came  in  her  way, 
Would  wear  the  breeches,  as  they  fay. 

ia.  Now  this  occafioned  no  fmall  vexation 
At  times,  and  led  to  altercation  ; 
Yet  on  the  whole  did  our  two  loves 
Live  like  a  pair  of  turtle  doves. 

13.  They  had  now  for  feveral  years  in  succeflion 
Received  of  children  a  yearly  addition, 

And  yet  at  the  time  of  our  ftory,  'twas  plain 
Mrs.  Jobs  was  foon  to  come  down  again. 

14.  And  now,  when  her  nine  months  were  ended, 
And  the  time  of  delivery  impended  ; 

The  above  Mrs.  Jobs  immediately  went 

To  make  preparation  for  the  important  event. 

15.  Before,  however,  I  go  on  with  my  hiftory, 
I  muft  ftop  to  mention  a  singular  myftery, 

A  dream,  in  fact,  that  one  night  befel 
This  Mrs.  Jobs  of  whom  I  tell. 


8  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

1 6.  We  learn  by  experience  oft  repeated, 
That  dreams  are  not  to  be  lightly  treated  j 

Of  that,  dear  reader,  I  prefently 
A  notable  proof  will  furnifh  thec. 

17.  One  night,  as  Mrs.  Jobs  lay  fleeping, 

This  wonderful  dream  into  her  head  came  creeping, 
That,  inftead  of  a  little  child,  was  born 
Of  her  a  great  and  mighty  horn. 

1 8.  This  horn  fo  mightily  crafhed  and  founded, 
That  Mrs.  Jobs  woke  up  aftounded, 

And  often,  after  me  awoke, 

About  that  horn  me  thought  and  fpoke. 

19.  A  lady,  to  whom  me  applied  for  explanation, 
Gave  her  at  the  time  this  confolation, 

That  thus  the  interpretation  ran  : 

Her  child  would  certainly  be  a  great  man. 

20.  And  that  his  voice  his  mouth  would  nourifh, 
And  in  the  pulpit  would  greatly  flourim, 

For  that  was  clearly  and  finely  mown 

By  the  monftrous  horn  with  its  mighty  tone. 

21.  But  we  will  not  here  be  anticipating 

The  fequel  for  which  the  reader  is  waiting, 
And  fo  I  now  return  to  the  text 
And  proceed  to  tell  what  happened  next. 

22.  The  mother  laid  all  things  ftraight  in  her  chamber, 
And  on  the  thirtieth  day  of  September, 

Juft  at  the  right  time  me  had  the  joy 
Of  giving  birth  to  a  little  boy. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate. 

.  Was  ever  a  father's  happinefs  greater? 
And  heavens  !  how  proudly  felt  the  Sendtor ! 
And  how  did  he  leap,  when,  blooming  there, 
He  saw  before  him  a  son  and  heir ! 


NOTES. 

Stanza  ^.  Sivaby,  poetic  licence  for  Swabia,  juft  as  we 
have  Virginny  for  Virginia,  and  for  Arabia,  Araby  (the 
Bleft.) 

Stanza  7.  Some  points  in  this  description  of  old  Jobs  will 
remind  the  reader  of  "  Old  Grimes." 


io  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  III. 

How  Mrs.  Jobs,  in  child-bed,  received  a  <vijit  from  her 
female  friends,  and  'what  Ma'' am  Gossip  Schnepperle 
prophecied  of  the  child. 

A  ND  so  Mrs.  Jobs,  as  we've  juft  been  telling, 
^^  With  her  dear  little  Jobfey  was  keeping  her  dwelling ; 
dole  by  her  fide  all  Twaddled  he  lay, 
And  thought  of  nothing  and  llept  away. 

2.  'Twere  impoffible  to  defcribe  the  jubilation 
That  filled  all  the  Jobfian  habitation  ; 

Neighbors  and  kinfmen  came  and  went, 
And  thofe  that  couldn't  themfelves  go,  lent. 

3.  The  chamber  rang  with  a  conftant  alarum, 
As  when  the  bees  in  the  May  month  fwarm, 

And  all  the  day  long  it  was  buzz,  buzz,  buzz, 
Round  the  dear  little  Hieronimus. 

4.  Exactly  three  days  had  now  expired, 
Since  Mrs.  Jobs  to  her  bed  retired, 

When  a  mighty  fwarm  of  women  made  free 
To  invite  themfelves  to  afternoon  tea. 


Of  Hieronlmus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  1 1 


5.  And  of  all  thefe  madams,  to  my  thinking, 
Who  came  to  Mrs.  Jobs's  tea-drinking, 

Though  there  was  none  whofe  gifts  were  fmall, 
Ma'am  Schnepperle's  gift  excelled  them  all. 

6.  Little  Jobfey's  father  was  her  coufin  ; 

The  company  talked  of  the  weather,  and  a  dozen 
Other  matters  of  the  fame  kind, 
And  the  converfation  was  quite  unconfinM. 

7.  Next  after  madam's  health  they  inquired, 
And  to  know  how  the  baby  was  they  defired, 

Whether  he  feemed  to  like  his  pap, 
And  was  a  quiet  little  chap  ? 

8.  Then  they  began,  in  rotation,  to  raife  him 
High  in  the  air  and  heft  him  and  praife  him, 

And  none  could  find  fit  words  to  exprefs 
Their  fenfe  of  his  uncommon  prettinefs. 


i  a  The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

9.  "  My  honored  coufin,"  began  Ma'am  Schnepperle, 
(She  fpoke  through  her  nofe,  but  rather  dapperly,) 
A  learned  man  the  child  will  be, 
That  by  his  face  I  can  plainly  fee. 

10.  "I  have  read  a  book  and  admired  it  greatly, 
Which  I  took  from  the  council  library  lately, 

About  the  art  of  Phyfiognomy, 
And  everything,  the  how  and  why. 

11.  "And  there  was  a  dreadful  lot  effaces, 
Pious  rogues  with  terrible  grimaces, 

Learn'd  dunces,  profiles  ugly  and  fair, 
And  heads  of  animals,  too  were  there. 

12.  "  If  I  rightly  remember  what  I  read  there, 

I  think  (almoft  in  fo  many  words)  it  faid  there, 
That  there  is  genius  in  fuch  a  phiz, 
As  this  little  wry  one  of  Jobfey's  is. 

13.  "  Nor  mould  I  fear  to  pledge  his  mother 

That  the  child  will  take  to  books  one  day  or  other} 
And,  if  he  only  lives  long  enough,  he 
Will  be  a  parfon,  undoubtedly. 

14.  "  His  mighty  voice  that  he  lifts  like  a  trumpet 
Shows  that  he  one  day  will  mount  the  pulpit." 

(N.  B. — Juft  here  little  Jobfey  cried  out 

As  if  he  knew  what  they  were  talking  about.) 

15.  Ma'am  faid  much  more  before  me  had  completed, 
That  cannot  in  this  place  be  repeated  ; 

However  me  ended  at  laft,  and  then 

All  the  women  fell  in  with  a  loud  Amen. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  1 3 

1 6.  And  now  when  the  vifit  was  finally  ended, 
Each  one  her  hand  to  Mrs.  Jobs  extended, 

And  thanked  her  for  the  honour  (he  had  done, 
Then  all  returned  to  whene  they'd  come. 

17.  Poor  Mrs.  Jobs's  head-aches  were  mocking, 

But  fhe  was  edified  by  Ma'am  Schnepperle's  talking  5 
Efpecially  as  the  world  faid,  fhe 
Was  acquainted  with  aftrology. 

NOTES. 

Stanza  3.  Swarm  in  the  fecond  line  muft  be  pronounced 
with  the  Irifh  r  :  sivarrm. 

Stanza  8.  To  hefty  was  a  vulgarifm  in  New  England,  in 
the  tranflator's  boyhood,  meaning  to  telt  the  heavinefs  (heft] 
of  a  thing  by  lifting  it. 

Stanza  10.     The  book  would  appear  to  have  been  Lavater. 
Stanza  14.      Trumpet  and  pulpit  make  a  fine  ajfonanza. 

Stanza  16.  The  reader  will  please  remember  the  rule 
for  scanning  given  in  the  preface. 


The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  IV. 

HO--W  the  child  'was  baptized,  and  how  he  <voas  named 
Hieronimuf. 

T  T  7HEN  a  few  days  more  had  alfo  tranfpired, 
'Twas  baptifm  plainly  the  infant  defired, 
For  his  cries  were  piteous  to  hear, 
And  caufed  his  mother  pain  fevere. 

2.  Vainly  they  plied  both  breaft  and  bottle, 
Nor  would  fugar  dollies  flop  his  throttle, 

But  he  kept  up  one  inceflant  fhriek 

'Till  one  could  no  longer  hear  himfelf  fpeak. 

3.  Therefore  in  Senator  Jobs' s  habitation, 
Provifion  was  made  for  the  baptifmal  collation, 

And  dimes  of  all  forts  were  made  or  fent 
That  might  adorn  the  facrament. 

4.  Twifts  and  rings  and  other  fuch  matters, 
Were  baked  for  the  fupper  and  piled  on  platters, 

Nor  was  there  in  wine,  tobacco  and  beer, 
Certainly  any  deficiency  here. 

5.  Friends  and  relations,  aunts,  uncles  and  coufins, 
Nurfes,  acquaintances,  neighbors  by  dozens, 

When  the  hour  arrived,  came  pouring  in, 
All  fmiling  and  drefled  as  neat  as  a  pin. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  15 

6.  That  fexton  and  parfon,  with  formulary, 
Were  alfo  there,  you  need  not  query, 

And  the  whole  fenatorial  body,  too, 
Had  arrived  at  the  houfe  in  fealbn  due. 

7.  Many  other  guefts  alfo,  by  invitation, 
Came  to  this  great  and  high  celebration, 

And  to  Jobs's  credit  confefled  it  muft  be, 
That  all  parted  off  with  propriety. 

8.  However  there  rofe  a  difputation 
About  the  infant's  appellation  j 

Whether  Heinz  it  fhould  be,  or  Peter  or  Hans, 
Or  Joft  or  Jacob  or  Hermann  or  Franz. 

9.  But  none  of  thefe  names,  though  full  of  attraction 
Seemed  to  give  univerfal  fatisfaction, 

And  matters  might  almoft  have  parted 
From  words  to  fomething  worfe  at  lalt, 

10.  Had  not  the  parfon,  with  wife  difcerning, 
Given  this  advice,  like  a  man  of  learning, 

To  examine  the  calendar,  and  fee, 
Affixed  to  the  birthday  what  name  might  be. 

11.  The  calendar,  without  further  queftion, 
Was  ftraightway  opened  by  the  fexton, 

And  there  they  found  without  any  fufs, 
The  name  of  St.  Hieronimus. 

12.  Such  a  wife  counfel  to  all  the  connection, 

To  parents  and  godfathers  gave  great  fatisfaction, 
And  fo  the  vote  was  unanimous, 
That  the  child  mould  be  called  Hieronimus. 


1 6  The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  fate 

13.  And  now  when  this  weighty  point  was  decided, 
The  parfon,  in  manner  and  form  provided, 

Pronounced  and  performed  the  Actus,  and  thus 
The  child  was  baptized  Hieronimus. 

14..  All  things  thereafter  went  calm  and  cofy, 
Parfon  and  fexton  waxed  right  rofy, 

And  they  did  nothing  elfe  for  almoft  half 
The  night  but  eat,  drink,  fmoke  and  laugh. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  i'/ 

CHAPTER  V. 

Ho<w  the  little  child  Hieronimus  occupied  himfelf. 

\  T  7HILE  yet  in  his  Twaddling  clothes,  Hieronimufly 
*  *   Pafled  his  time  in  a  manner  fufficiently  fufly, 

Slept,  ate,  fucked  or  drank,  one  after  another, 
Or  liftened  the  lullaby  fung  by  his  mother. 

a.  His  fleeping  and  eating,  and  fucking  and  drinking, 
Were  much  like  other  children's,  to  my  thinking ; 
Much  time  in  rocking  him  alfo  was  fpent, 
And  yet  for  all  that  he  was  never  content  j 

3.  But  often  would  fcream  whole  days  together, 
And  raife  in  the  cradle  a  bitter  pother, 

As  if  fome  terrible  grief  had  aflailed  him, 
Though  there  was  nothing  on  earth  that  ailed  him. 

4.  Some  wife  people  have  undertaken, 

With  an  air  that  implied  they  could  not  be  miftaken, 
To  aflert  that  there  muft  in  thefe  cafes  be 
(God  save  the  mark!)  fome  forcery. 

5.  And  fo  the  nurfe  and  eke  the  phyfician 

Are  called  to  pronounce  on  the  child's  condition, 
And  many  a  dofe  of  rhubarb  and  rum 
Is  given,  and  fometimes  laudanum. 


1 8  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

6.  He  thus  became  almoft  a  burden  to  his  mother, 
But  he  throve  in  this  way  as  well  as  in  any  other, 

And  every  day,  as  it  came  along, 
Found  him  more  fat  and  stout  and  ftrong. 

7.  Father  and  mother  took  therefore  great  pleafure 
In  their  darling  child — their  precious  treafure, 

And  many  was  the  hearty  bufs 
They  gave  little  Hieronimus. 

8.  I  have  no  further  information 

Of  the  firft  few  years  of  Jobs's  earthly  probation  j 
And  therefore  it  is  beft,  I  fuppofe, 
To  bring  this  chapter  here  to  a  clofe. 

NOTE. 

Stanza  5.  "What  are  you  doing,  mad  mother!  miferabk 
nurfe !  when  you  pour  this  vile  compound  into  the  unftained 
fnow  of  an  infant's  bofom !  Know  you  not  that  paregoric  is 
opium  and  rum  ?  A  composition  that  Samfon  could  not  have 
fwallowed  much  of,  unfcathed."  Sermon  on  Intemperance. 


Of  Hieronimus  yobs,  the  Candidate.  19 


CHAPTER  VI. 

Actions  and  opinions  of  Hieronimus  in  his  boyijhyears^ 
and  ho<w  he  nvent  tofchool. 

/~\  F  the  other  early  years  of  our  hero, 

^~^I  likewife  can  give  no  information  that  is  thorough, 
Inasmuch  as  the  courfe  his  life  has  run, 
Has  been  hitherto  a  very  narrow  one. 

a.  Confequently  an  account  of  his  actions, 
Would  poflefs  no  remarkable  attractions ; 
Suffice  it  to  fay,  that  while  yet  a  boy, 
Eating  and  drinking  were  his  chief  employ. 

3.  He  had  however  his  gifts  as  well  as  others, 
Preferred  as  playmates  the  girls  to  their  brothers, 

Would  often  quarrel  and  teafe  in  play, 
And  was  noted  for  many  a  mifchievous  way. 

4.  Lying  and  fwearing  he  early  took  to, 

And  learned  them  well  without  any  book  too, 
Whereby  the  neighbours'  children  round 
Much  edification  in  his  company  found. 

5.  He  had  a  fweet  tooth,  loved  candy  to  diftraction, 
Likewife  in  nuts  and  raisins  took  great  fatisfaction, 

And  all  the  money  he  got  and  fpent, 
For  fomething  dainty  and  liquorifh  went. 


ao  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

6.  With  brothers  and  fillers  he  always  was  quarrelling, 
But  his  father  never  would  give  him  a  feruling, 

And  as  to  his  mother,  poor,  dear,  good  soul 
She  never  noticed  fuch  things  at  all. 

7.  All  children  of  his  age  he  could  mafter, 

There  was  none  of  them  could  leap  or  run  fafter, 
Not  one  of  them  was  fo  ftrong  as  he, 
And  whoever  provoked  him  had  better  let  him  be. 

8.  And  being  a  boy  of  great  endowments, 

He  was  charged  with  many  houfehold  employments, 
To  foddering  the  cattle  would  fometimes  fee, 
And  fuperintend  the  economy. 

9.  Sometimes  he  rode  the  horfes  to  water, 


Or  a  jug  of  beer  from  the  tavern  brought,  or 
A  fresh  laid  egg  from  the  hennery, 
Or  a  goose's  or  duck's,  as  the  cafe  might  be. 


Of  Hierontmus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  21 

10.  On  the  whole,  was  a  fair,  good-for-nothing  fellow, 
Had  a  pair  of  lungs  that  could  terribly  bellow, 

And  would  act  on  a  bench  the  preacher's  part ; 
All  this  went  right  to  his  parents'  heart. 

11.  For  they  watched  with  a  fecret  gratification 
Hieronimus's  talent  in  its  manifeftation, 

And  often  in  their  heads  it  would  run : 
"  There  is  the  parfon,  fure  as  a  gun." 

12.  Efpecially  the  mother,  who  remembered 

The  Schnepperle's  words,  when  she  was  chambered, 
And  alfo  the  dream  me  formerly  had, 
Could  hardly  contain  herfelf,  me  was  fo  glad. 

13.  For  all  feemed  to  hang  together  fo  neatly, 
And  exprefs  the  matter  fo  completely; 

And  when  me  weighed  all  this,  me  could  fee 
The  future  parfon  as  plain  as  could  be. 

14.  Accordingly  to  fchool  they  fent  him, 

To  fit  him  for  the  ftation  they  meant  him, 
Which  pleafed  Hieronimus  little  enough, 
For  he  liked  his  play  much  better  than  fuch  fluff. 

15.  He  hated  his  leffons  and  never  learned  them, 
He  threw  his  books  on  the  floor  or  burned  them, 

And  the  a,  b,  abs  and  the  o,  b,  obs 
They  gave  a  head-ache  to  mafter  Jobs. 

1 6.  'Tis  true,  the  preceptor  did  earneftly  endeavour 
To  recommend  learning  to  his  favour, 

And  he  and  the  rod  in  company, 
Worked  away  at  his  genius  faithfully. 


22  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

17.  This  man  had  remarkable  qualifications 
For  giving  felf-willed  boys  educations, 

And  oftentimes  on  moulder  and  back 

His  cane  came  down  with  a  mighty  thwack. 

1 8.  Extraordinary  efforts  in  this  cafe  were  needed, 
But  at  length  the  Herculean  labor  fucceeded, 

And  Hieronimus  his  letters  told, 

By  the  time  he  was  about  ten  years  old. 

19.  How  old  he  may  have  been  exactly, 

When  he  learned  to  read  the  German  correctly, 
I  am  not  at  prefent  prepared  to  ftate 
In  a  manner  very  accurate. 

20.  And  when  more  years  he  began  to  reckon, 
From  the  German  fchool  the  boy  was  taken, 

And  to  the  Latin  fchool  was  fent 
To  learn  his  Latin  j  but  how  it  went 

21.  With  Hieronimus  in  his  Latin, 

And  how  they  fucceeded  in  getting  that  in, 
All  this  I  promife  faithfully, 
The  reader  mail  in  the  next  chapter  fee. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

How  the  boy  Hieronimus  'went  to  the  Latin  fcbool,  and 
bow  he  did  not  learn  much  there. 


TJ IERONIMUS,  purfuing  the  parental  intention, 
Began  now  at  Menfa  his  Firft  Declenfion, 
And  every  important  article  taught 
In  the  Latin  grammar  he  likewife  got. 


24  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

2.  Many  vocables  he  alfo  committed, 

But  the  poor  Hieronimus  was  much  to  be  pitied, 
For  that  cursed  loufy  Latin,  he  faid, 
Would  nowife  get  into  his  head. 

3.  In  Conjugations  and  Syn taxis, 
And  generally  in  the  Latin  Praxis, 

It  feemed  as  if  the  old  Harry  was  loofe, 
And  his  body  fuffered  no  little  abufe. 

4.  For  the  Rector  being  a  Hypochondriacus 
Showed  no  partiality  to  Hieronimus, 

But  cudgelled  him  often  as  if  he  were  mad, 
And  many  a  ikinfull  he  gave  the  poor  lad. 

5.  By  a  fyftem  of  teaching  fo  painfully  hurried, 
The  youth  almoft  to  death  was  worried, 

And  often  wifhed  (in  terms  uncivil) 

His  grim  old  Rector  would  go  to  the  d 1. 

6.  'Tis  true,  full  many  a  trick  he  played  him, 
And  richly  for  all  the  cudgellings  paid  him, 

In  fact  the  man  had  a  deal  of  fufs 
With  the  rogue  of  a  Hieronimus. 

7.  For  he  cut  up  incognito  all  forts  of  capers 
With  the  old  gentleman's  perukes  and  papers, 

And  fent  full  many  a  poifoned  dart 
Right  into  the  worthy  man's  heart. 

8.  He  gave  his  fchoolmates,  too,  much  trouble, 
And  brought  them  into  many  a  hobble, 

For  he  hated  them  with  hatred  profound, 
And  often  knocked  them  flat  on  the  ground. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  25 

9.  No  book  of  theirs,  nor  any  garment 
Was  fafe  from  the  tricks  of  this  torment, 
And  many  of  his  tricks  were  of  that  kind, 
That  leave  a  very  bad  odour  behind. 

10.  Sometimes  he  would  act  the  eavesdropper, 

And  catching  a  fchoolmate  at  anything  improper, 
Straightway  he  to  the  Rector  reported  the  boy, 
And  witnefled  the  flogging  with  heartfelt  joy. 

11.  Lazy  in  brain  and  fore  in  body, 

At  length  he  went  home  quite  fick  of  ftudy, 
And  there  for  the  moft  part  his  time  paffed  by 
In  unprofitable  inactivity. 

iz.  Of  his  Greek  I  have  nothing  to  fay  at  prefent, 
He  found  it  exceedingly  unpleafant, 
And  the  barbarous  Tupto,  Tupteis, 
Would  turn  Hieronimus'  heart  to  ice. 

13.  Far  be  it  from  me,  thought  he,  to  dabble 
In  fuch  a  jaw-cracking,  Irifh  gabble, 

And  as  regards  the  Hebrew  fpeech, 

He  called  it  poifon  and  kept  out  of  its  reach. 

14.  He  made  therefore  no  progrefs  worth  repeating, 
Save  in  lying  and  fwearing  and  drinking  and  eating, 

And  in  the  invention  of  an  original  cuss, 
Nobody  could  match  Hieronimus. 

NOTE. 

Stanza  14.      Cuss  is  Yankee  for  curse.     (Note  for  foreign 
reader j.) 


The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

How  Hierommus"  s  parents,  with  the  Rector  and  other 
friends,  took  counfel  what  they  Jhould  make  out  of 
the  boy. 

ow  when  the  boy  in  this  ftate  of  diftraction, 
Had  pafled  fome  eighteen  years  and  a  fraction, 

And  in  fact  was  already  half  a  head  higher 

Than  old  Hans  Jobs  his  fire, 

a.  His  parents  began  to  be  puzzled  with  cogitation 
About  his  future  occupation, 

For  it  was  high  time  fomething  mould  be  done 
With  this  moft  extraordinary  fon. 

3.  Firft  of  all  they  put  the  Rector  the  queftion, 
Whether  he  could  not  make  any  fuggeftion 

As  to  his  future  deftiny, 

And  what  he  was  beft  fitted  to  be. 

4.  Now  this  man  would  not  diflemble  in  the  matter, 
Nor  with  idle  hopes  the  parents  flatter, 

So  he  came  out  roundly  and  told  the  truth : 
"  You  can't  make  anything  good  of  the  youth. 


Of  Hieronimus  yobs,  the  Candidate.  27 

5.  "  Study  is  clearly  not  his  vocation  ; 
It  were  wifer  to  try  fome  occupation  j 

A  Counsellor  might  of  fuch  a  one  be  made  5 
If  not,  it  were  well  to  put  him  to  a  trade. 

6.  "  I  have  many  a  time  in  recitation 
Difcovered  with  great  commiferation, 

That  there's  nothing  in  him  that  poffibly  could 
Do  a  refpected  public  the  leaft  mite  of  good." 

7.  This  fpeech,  as  may  well  be  apprehended, 
The  Jobfian  couple  grievoufly  offended ; 

They  heaped  upon  it  all  manner  of  abufe 
And  called  the  Rector  a  ftupid  goofe. 

8.  In  a  council  of  friends  the  queftion  was  ftated, 
And  pro  et  contra  rationally  debated  $ 

Old  Jobs  looked  as  grave,  and  fo  did  all, 
As  if  that  houfe  were  the  council  hall. 

9.  After  they  had  been  two-and-a-half  hours  in  feffion 
They  compromifed  matters  by  this  proportion  : 

That  the  fubject  be  poflponed  to  a  ne<zv  term 

For  nearer  examination  ,•  meanwhile  *we  adjourn. 


28  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  IX. 

Hoiv  the  gipjy  Urgalindina  fwas  alfo  confulted  about 
Hieronimus,  who  under/food  the  chiromantic  art. 

\  ND  now  all  the  friends  who  the  meeting  attended, 
At  Counfellor  Jobs's,  homeward  had  wended, 
When,  as  good  luck  would  have  it,  one  day, 
There  came  an  old  gipfy  along  that  way. 

2.  From  a  very  old  family  me  was  defcended, 
Urgalindina  was  her  name,  me  pretended, 

And  Egypt,  me  faid,  was  the  country  from  which 
She  came,  and  her  mother  was  burned  as  a  witch. 

3.  Men's  actions  and  fortunes  this  woman  predicted, 
When  me  the  lines  on  their  hands  had  infpected, 

And  future  things  as  clearly  could  trace 
As  if  they  already  had  taken  place. 

4.  She  had  greatly  delighted  many  a  maiden 
By  prophefying  her  approaching  weddin', 

And  indicated  the  bridegroom's  name 

As  if  me  had  long  been  acquainted  with  the  fam  e. 

5.  To  many  an  heir  beginning  to  be  difcontented, 
The  fpeedy  death  of  a  rich  uncle  me  hinted, 

And  oh,  how  glad  would  fuch  a  one  be, 
When  his  uncle  died  unexpectedly ! 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  29 

6.  To  many  almoft  defpairing  fpoufes, 

Whofe  wives,  alas !  were  the  plagues  of  their  houfes, 
She  came  with  welcome  words  of  cheer 
And  whifpered  a  fpeedy  deliverance  near. 

7.  To  many  a  dunce  difagreeably  fmelling 

Of  mufk  and  pomatum,  (he  was  often  feen  telling 
How,  in  fpite  of  all  his  awkwardnefs, 
He  would  find  fome  fair  one  his  heart  to  blefs. 

8.  The  words  me  chofe  were  always  fo  fitting 
That  me  hardly  ever  failed  of  hitting  j 

Yet  a  cunning  ambiguity 

Helped  her  out  of  many  a  perplexity. 

9.  She  had  for  each  fome  fpecial  good  ftory : 
To  foldiers  (he  prophefied  powder  and  glory, 

To  deftitute  epicures  "heaps  of  gold, 
The  kingdom  of  heaven  to  matrons  old. 

10.  With  other  arts  (he  was  alfo  acquainted, 
But  not  all  her  fingular  merits  prevented 

Her  falling  occafionally  into  fin, 

For  (he  ftole,  incidentally,  now  and  then. 

11.  In  short  her  reputation  rivaled  in  fplendor, 
The  fame  of  the  celebrated  witch  of  Endor, 

At  leaft  in  lying  and  chiromancy 
No  gipfy  woman  was  keener  than  (he. 

12.  Now  when  Mrs.  Jobs  heard  of  her  coming, 
She  immediately  went  to  find  the  woman, 

And  at  her  door,  juft  out  of  her  reach, 
Addrefled  to  her  the  following  fpeech : 


30  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

13.  "  My  dear  Mrs.  Urgalindina,  right  glad  am 
I  to  fee  you  on  the  prefent  occafion,  Madam, 

I've  a  fon  I  beg  that  you  would  fee, 
And  pronounce  on  his  future  deftiny. 

14.  "I  truft  you  will  yield  to  our  perfuafion, 
And  without  any  equivocation  or  evafion 

Very  candidly  ftate  to  us, 

What  is  to  be  done  with  Hieronimus." 

15.  "  Madam  !"  me  anfwered,  "  I  will  do  as  directed, 
So  foon  as  I  his  hands  have  infpected  j 

I  will  then,  as  an  honeft  woman,  declare 
His  future  fortune,  to  a  hair." 

1 6.  They  immediately  fent  for  Hieronimus, 

And  Ma'am  Urgalindina  in  a  fomewhat  ominous 
Tone,  requefted  his  right  hand  to  fee 
Which  fomewhat  fmutty  happened  to  be. 

1 7.  The  gipfy  woman,  with  fearching  vifion, 
Examined  all  points  with  great  precifion, 

Meafured  the  lines  and  the  furfaces  too, 
As  chiromantifts  are  wont  to  do. 

1 8.  For  a  moment  or  two  me  nothing  uttered, 
At  laft  like  a  Delphian  Sibyl  me  muttered 

Something  between  her  teeth  a  while, 
And  prophefied  in  the  following  ftyle : 

19.  "  I've  founded,  my  dear  Hieronimus,  I've  founded, 
By  the  art  in  which  I  am  perfectly  grounded, 

Thy  whole  future  deftiny,  my  fon  ! 

By  that  throat  of  thine  and  its  mighty  tone— 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  3 1 

20.  "  Shall  many  a  brazen  villain  be  makeH, 
Many  a  (lumbering  fmner  malt  thou  awaken, 

So  that  the  city  far  and  wide, 
Shall  by  thy  gifts  be  edified. 

21.  "  Both  good  and  evil  mall  feel  thy  protection, 
Thou  malt  guard  from  body's  and  foul's  deftruction 

Both  young  and  old,  and  great  and  fmall, 
A  faithful  and  vigilant  keeper  to  all. 

22.  "  Thy  wife  teachings  this  city's  population 
Shall  one  day  hear  with  edification, 

And  when  thy  mouth  is  opened  to  cry 
Aloud,  no  one  mail  make  reply. 

23.  "  I  may  not  for  the  prefent,  venture 

Any  farther  than  this  on  thy  future  to  enter, 
But  what  I  have  faid  muft  now  fuffice, 
Go  then,  my  fon,  now  go  and  be  wife." 

24.  Here  Urgalindina  her  prophecy  ended, 

Both  father  and  mother,  who  had  clofely  attended, 
Were  entirely  fatisfied  and  filled  with  joy, 
To  hear  fuch  prediction  concerning  their  boy. 

25.  For  in  their  minds  already  our  hero 
Was  clearly  a  parfon  in  future, 

With  this  the  prophecy  feemed  to  agree, 
How  could  it  be  clearer  poflibly  ? 

26.  Off  did  Urgalindina  hobble, 

When  me  had  got  a  fumptuous  fee  for  her  trouble : 
They  fay  (he  had  fcarcely  got  out  of  fight, 
When  me  laughed  at  parents  and  fon  outright. 


32  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

27.  And  now,  to  cover  the  Rector  with  confufion, 
Both  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Jobs  came  to  the  conclufion, 

That  the  beloved  Hieronimus 

Should  ftraightway  become  a  Theologus. 

28.  In  chapter  Tenth,  we  mall  therefore  accompany 
Hieronimus  to  the  Academy  ; 

But  firft  we  muft  ftop  awhile  to  tell 
What  took  place  at  the  laft  farewell. 


NOTE. 

Stanza  2.  The  reader  must  be  careful  not  to  pronounce 
tuitch  and  'which  as  if  they  were  the  same  word,  as  school 
boys  sometimes  do. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  3  3 


CHAPTER  X. 

How  Hieronimus  took  leave  of  his  parents  and  brothers 
and  Jifters,  and  started  for  the  university. 

TT7HEN  Hieronimus's  departure  was  decided, 
*   Straightway  he  was  fuperfluouily  provided 

With  clothes,  books,  money  and  everything 
That  is  neceflary  to  ftudying. 

a.  The  family  found  fome  confolation 

In  the  labour  and  care  of  the  preparation, 
But  when  the  parting  hour  drew  near 
On  both  fides  was  many  a  bitter  tear. 

3.  The  grave  old  Senator  Jobs's  bawling, 
Was  juft  a  regular  caterwauling, 

And  fobbing  he  gave  a  farewell  kifs 
To  his  dear  fon  Hieronimus. 

4.  And  he  added  alfo  a  fatherly  bleffing, 
This  counfel  to  the  youth  addrefling  j 

"  Farewell  and  attend  to  thy  ftudies,  my  fon, 
That  we  may  have  joy,  when  all  is  done ! 


34  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

5.  "If  anything  fhould  ever  ail  thee 

(There  may  be  times  when  money  will  fail  thee,) 
Always  write  without  fear  to  me, 
Whatever  is  wanting  I'll  fend  to  thee  ! " 

6.  Hieronimus  was,  as  may  well  be  fufpected, 
By  his  father's  words  extremely  affected, 

And  promifed  always  to  let  him  know 
Whenever  his  purfe  mould  be  getting  low. 

7.  Still  worfe  was  it  with  the  poor  mother 
Who  did  not  undertake  her  grief  to  fmother  $ 

Pierced  through  by  forrow's  bitter  dart, 
She  preffed  her  dear  fon  long  to  her  heart. 

8.  At  length  fhe  ftepped  afide  a  fecond, 
And  to  Hieronimus  beckoned, 

And  flipped  into  the  hand  of  her  fonny 
A  little  bag  containing  fome  money. 

9.  This  very  pious  motherly  blefling 
Was  to  Hieronimus  deeply  diftreffing, 

And  not  without  many  a  heavy  fob, 
He  thruft  the  little  bag  in  his  fob. 

10.  Next  came  his  brothers  and  filters  in  rotation, 
Whom  he,  amidft  piteous  lamentation, 

Each  by  the  hand  fucceffively  fhook, 
And  now  his  departure  Hieronimus  took. 

11.  The  weeping  and  wailing  of  the  parents  lafted 
For  feveral  days  ;  the  old  man  fafted 

To  fuch  an  extent  as  utterly  to  refufe 
Wine,  beer,  tobacco  and  the  daily  news. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  35 

12.  The  greateft  of  all  was  the  mother's  trouble, 
She  was  almoft  inconfoldble, 

But  with  the  brothers  and  fillers,  I  hear, 
There  was  very  much  lefs  danger  to  fear. 


N.  B. — The  wood-cut  that  head.3  the  next  Chapter,  admi 
rably  fulfils  the  Author's  promife  in  Chapter  I,  10.  The 
double  knave  of  cards  exprefTes  in  emblem  Hogier's  gambling 
and  double-dealing.  One  of  them  being  knave  of  hearts 
alludes  to  the  affectionate  manner  by  which  Hieronimus  was 
taken  in,  while  the  hanging  of  the  head  (Kopfliangerei) 
betrays  the  hypocrite j  the  other  being  the  knave  of  diamonds, 
intimates  how  he  took  all  the  profits  as  well  as  honors. 
(Stanza  29.) 

The  Chriftian,  or  rather  Pagan  name  Hector  in  the  firft 
card  denotes  the  gay  and  brazen  rogue,  while  that  of  Hogier 
in  the  fecond  feems  to  refer  to  the  hoaxt  the  humbug,  he 
played  off  on  Hieronimus. 


36  'The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XL 


Ho<u>  Hieronimus  came  on  horfeback  to  the  £ojl-flation, 
and  how  he  found  at  the  inn  a  dijlinguijhed  gentle 
man,  named  Herr  Von  Hogier,  who  gave  him  'whole- 
fbme  lej/bns,  and  <was  a  knave. 


ND  now  Hieronimus  has  finally  departed  ; 

'The  old  houfe  fervant  who  was  very  kind-hearted, 
Rode  to  the  next  village  by  his  fide, 
Where  he  was  to  get  into  the  poftwagon  to  ride. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  3  7 

i,  Altho*  now  the  departure  had  affected  him  fadly, 
Neverthelefs  he  looked  forward  gladly 
To  the  beloved  univerfity, 
Where  time  pafles  off  fo  pleafantly. 

3.  Scarcely  had  he  began  to  find  him 
self  out  on  the  highway  and  Schildburg  behind  him, 

When  he  parents  and  brothers  and  fifters  forgot, 
And  was  highly  delighted  at  the  thought, 

4.  That  now  henceforth,  as  a  free  ftudent, 
He  need  be  no  longer  fo  prim  and  prudent, 

And  as  to  the  grim  old  Rector  and  his  rod, 
He  was  well  rid  of  them,  thank  God ! 

5.  It  filled  him  with  fpecial  exultation, 

He  was  richer  than  a  king  in  his  own  eftimation, 
When  the  money  into  his  mind  did  come 
Which  he  had  taken  with  him  from  home. 

6.  He  thought  and  he  felt  with  the  greateft  pleafure, 
Of  the  little  bag,  the  precious  treafure, 

From  his  highly  afflicted  mother  received 
When  me  at  parting  fo  bitterly  grieved. 

7.  And  now,  as  all  other  paftime  was  wanting, 
He  drew  out  the  bag  and  fell  to  counting 

The  money,  and  found  to  his  happinefs 
That  the  little  bag  contained  no  lefs 

8.  Than  thirty  different  pieces  of  money, 
All  of  filver,  thick,  heavy  and  miny, 

Gilders  and  dollars  manifold, 
Moftly  of  coinage  rare  and  old. 

4 


3  8  'The  Life,  Opinionr,  Actions  and  Fate 

9.  His  mother  had  faved  them  one  after  another, 
And  for  future  emergencies  laid  them  together, 
For  not  unjuftly  (he  had  the  name 
Of  being  an  economical  dame. 

10.  Then  too  the  fervant  who  attended  him 
By  way  of  paftime  occafionally  handed  him 

Some  of  the  victualia 

His  parents  had  provided  to  eat  on  the  way. 

11.  Now  when  in  this  kind  of  occupation, 
Hieronimus  had  ridden  fome  hours  in  fucceffion, 

Faint  and  weary  he  at  length  got  down 
At  the  tavern  of  the  aforefaid  town. 

12.  Here  indeed  he  found  the  poftwagon 

In  which  to  the  univerfity  he  was  to  jog  on  ; 
But  it  fo  happened  that  the  cart 
Was  not  at  the  moment  ready  to  ftart. 

13.  Hieronimus  firft  of  all  directed, 

That  his  nag  to  the  ftable  mould  be  conducted } 
The  fervant  put  fome  oats  in  the  rack, 
And  took  the  portmanteau  off  his  back. 

14.  At  the  fame  time  he  began  to  be  thinking, 
Of  refreming  himfelf  by  eating  and  drinking, 

And  foon  to  the  table  he  found  his  way, 
And  there  grew  ftrong  and  frefh  and  gay. 

15.  Now  there  was  in  the  tavern  a  fellow  lodger, 
With  a  great  peruke,  and  a  rich-looking  codger, 

The  man  from  diftant  countries  came, 
Herr  Baron  von  Hogier  was  his  name. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  39 

1 6.  The  ftranger  mowed  our  hero  much  honour, 
And  inquired  who  he  was  in  a  friendly  manner ; 

Hieronimus  anfwered  without  demur, 
"  I  am  a  ftudent,  refpected  fir, 

17.  "  At  your  honour's  fervice,  and  right  glad  am  I 
That  I  am  going  to  the  academy, 

There  to  ftudy  diligently 
The  fcience  of  theology." 

1 8.  "  Ah  !  well,  I  wifh  you  all  the  joy  I  can,  fir  ! " 
The  gentleman  in  the  great  peruke  made  anfwer, 

"  But,  I  advife  you,  take  great  care 
That  you  do  not  get  into  trouble  there. 

19.  "I  in  my  time  have  had  fome  knowledge 
Of  the  way  they  carry  on  at  college  ; 

Many  a  young  frefhman  throws  away 
His  time  and  money  on  curf6d  play. 

20.  "And  many,  inftead  of  ftudying  with  application, 
Run  into  all  manner  of  diflipation, 

And  wafte  their  valuable  time 
In  many  a  folly,  not  to  fay  crime. 

21.  "My  own  experience  can  anfwer 
For  this  fad  truth,  indeed  it  can,  fir : 

I  beg  you  therefore  to  attend 

To  what  I  fay,  on  the  word  of  a  friend." 

22.  "  Dear  fir,"  Hieronimus  refponded, 
"  I  thank  you  for  advice  fo  candid, 

And  the  timely  wifdom  you  have  taught 
Shall  never  in  all  my  life  be  forgot. 


40  'The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

23.  "At the  fame  time  I  will  not  difguife  the  truth,  fir, 
Playing  has  great  attractions  for  this  youth,  fir, 

But  I  have  the  honor  to  aflure  you  that  I, 
Whenever  I  do  play,  never  play  high." 

24.  "  In  moderate  playing  I  fee  no  danger," 
Politely  anfwered  the  diftinguimed  flranger, 

"  One  lofes  nothing,  except  ennui, 
And  pafles  the  time  quite  pleafantly. 

25.  "  We,  for  example,  here  together, 
For  the  fake  of  amufing  one  another, 

Might  play  a  little  game,"  faid  he, 
"With  innocence  and  propriety." 

26.  Hieronimus,  without  the  leaft  fufpicion, 
Accepted  the  gentleman's  propofition, 

And  was  very  willing  to  take  a  game 
Or  two,  until  the  poftwagon  came. 

27.  The  thing  was  done  as  foon  as  decided, 
The  hoft  a  new  pack  of  cards  provided 

And  placed  before  his  guefts,  and  ftraightway 
The  two  fat  down  and  began  to  play. 

28.  They  fet  their  flakes  quite  low  in  the  beginning, 
But  Hieronimus,  led  on  by  his  love  of  winning, 

To  mark  up  higher  and  higher  begun, 
Becaufe  at  firft  he  regularly  won.^ 

29.  But  all  on  a  fudden  fortune  deferted 

Our  hero,  with  whom  fhe  had  previoufly  flirted, 
And  the  gentleman  in  the  great  peruke 
Both  all  the  honors  and  profits  took. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  41 

30.  And  thus  Hieronimus  had  very  foon  parted 
With  all  the  loofe  money  he  took  when  he  ftarted, 

And  now  as  his  lofles  came  thick  and  faft, 
He  drew  out  the  little  bag  at  laft. 

31.  And  now  Hieronimus  began  to  grow  frightened, 
For  at  every  throw  the  bag  was  lightened, 

And  it  became  very  evident  that  luck 
fFouldfmile  on  the  gentleman  in  the  great  peruke. 

32.  In  lefs  than  three-quarters  of  an  hour  the  bleffing 
Of  his  poor  dear  mother  was  entirely  miffing, 

For  the  gentleman  in  the  great  peruke 
Had  robbed  him  of  all  by  hook  and  crook. 

33.  For  the  good  Hieronimus  Jhad  not  detected, 
In  fact  he  never  for  a  moment  fufpected, 

That  he  was  cheated  by  him  of  the  great  peruke, 
For  Herr  von  Hogier  had  an  honeft  look. 

34.  At  laft  he  really  began  to 

Think  of  unbuckling  his  portmanteau, 
To  ftake  the  little  therein  contained, 
Which  would  his  refources  have  entirely  drained, 

35.  But  at  that  moment  fo  highly  ominous, 

The  gentleman  in  the  peruke  and  Hieronimus, 
Both  heard  on  a  fudden  the  poftillion  blow, 
As  a  fignal  for  Hieronimus  to  go. 

36.  He  felt  a  little  reluctance  at  parting, 
Then  fuddenly  and  impetuoufly  ftarting, 

He  jumped  up  into  the  poft-wagon  and  took 
Leave  of  the  gentleman  in  the  great  peruke. 


42  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XII. 

How  Hieronimus  took  the  Poft-nuagon,  and  ho<w  he  found 
therein  a  fair  one  'with  ivhom  he  fell  in  lo<ve,  and  who 
ftole  his  ivatch. 

T  WILL  now  proceed  with  a  narration 
Of  what  befel  Hieronimus  on  leaving  the  ftation, 
For  he  is  not  rid  of  his  troubles  yet, 
But  further  obstacles  are  to  be  met. 

a.  The  great  peruke  would  ftill  come  gliding 
Into  his  thoughts  as  he  went  on  riding, 
And  he  now  for  the  firft  time  began  to  fee 
That  the  fellow  no  better  than  a  knave  could  be. 

3.  His  confcience  kept  up  a  terrible  racket 
About  the  lofs  of  the  maternal  packet, 

He  fighed  and  groaned  and  wifhed  bad  luck 
To  the  gentleman  in  the  great  peruke. 

4.  He  murmured  fo  that  people  could  hear  him ; 
But  a  beautiful  damfel  fitting  near  him, 

On  whom  his  eyes  till  now  fcarce  fell, 
Roufed  him  from  the  melancholy  fpell. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  43, 

5.  She  feemed  about  twenty  years — not  older, 
Black  eyes  and  hair  and  a  very  white  fhoulder, 

Rofy-red  in  mouth  and  cheek 

And,  the  truth  in  a  fingle  word  to  fpeak, 

6.  Her  being  was  nothing  but  grace,  appealing 
Irrefiftibly  to  the  tendereft  feeling. 

This  fairy  inquired,  half  in  jeft, 

What  forrow  difturbed  Hieronimus'  breaft. 

7.  Wherewith  (he  pleafantly  fmiled  upon  him, 
Which  pleafant  fmile  of  her's  quite  won  him. 

So  that,  as  clofe  by  her  fide  he  fot, 
The  lofs  of  his  packet  he  quite  forgot. 

8.  A  glow  of  rapture  kindled  his  fancies, 

For  in  her  whole  perfon  and  tender  glances, 
A  youth  like  him  could  not  fail  to  find 
Something  quite  dangerous  to  his  peace  of  mind. 

9.  After  lefs  than  half  an  hour's  duration 
He  had  made,  in  beft  ftyle,  a  declaration 

As  fervent  as  ever  a  hero  of  romance 

Can  make  to  his  love  by  his  author's  hands. 

10.  She  feemed  to  hear  him  with  fome  predilection, 
At  all  events  me  made  no  objection, 

Hieronimus  therefore  edged  up  more  near 
And  began  to  whifper  in  her  ear. 

11.  I  know  not  what  further  pafled  on  the  occafion 
Improper  to  mention  in  this  narration, 

Suffice  it,  with  both,  the  time  pafTed  by 
In  fweet,  confidential  familiarity. 


44  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

i  a.  When  at  laft  they  came  to  the  poft-ftation 
She  bade  adieu  with  friendly  proteftation, 
But  in  what  direction  flie  went  from  here 
Shall  by  and  by  be  made  to  appear, 

13.  When,  after  feveral  hours  had  tranfpired 
Since  the  fair  one  from  the  carriage  retired, 

Hieronimus  for  his  watch  looked  round, 
That  too  had  retired  and  was  not  to  be  found. 

1 4.  This  fecond  trick  of  fatal  termination 
Was  to  Hieronimus  a  great  aggravation, 

For  he  came  to  the  conclufion  that  she  who  left 
So  fuddenly  muft  have  committed  the  theft. 

1 5.  Meanwhile  nothing  was  left  the  good  ftudent 
But  to  exercife  patience  and  be  more  prudent, 

In  fhort  he  determined,  come  what  might, 
To  practise  in  future  more  forefight. 

1 6.  He  therefore  formed  a  firm  determination, 

So  foon  as  he  mould  come  to  the  place  of  education, 
A  letter  to  his  parents  to  fend, 
For  a  new  watch  and  fome  money  to  fpend. 

17.  At  laft  without  further  moleftation 

He  arrived  at  the  place  of  his  deftination, 
Behold  therefore  our  Hieronimus 
Henceforward  an  Academicus. 

NOTE. 

Stanza  3.     Luck  muft  be  pronounced  in  a  certain  provin 
cial  Englifli  ftyle,  to  rhyme  with  peruke. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  45 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

How  Hieronimus  at  the  Uni<verjity  did  diligently  Jiudy 
Theology. 

TT  IERONIMUS  on  his  arrival,  without  hefitation, 
Received,  ftante  pede,  his  matriculation, 
And  fo  became  immediately 
A  ftudiofus  of  theology. 

a.  At  univerfities,  from  all  points  of  the  compafs, 
Some  to  get  knowledge  and  fome  to  raife  a  rumpus, 
Great  numbers  of  ftudents  together  are  flung, 
Large  and  little  and  old  and  young. 

3.  And  fo  at  this  one  from  every  nation 
Were  many  in  fearch  of  an  education, 

And  many  new  ones  came  every  year 
To  profecute  various  ftudies  here. 

4.  Exempli  gratidy  law  and  theology, 
Philofophy,  medicine  and  cofmology, 

And  whatfoever  other  fine  arts 

Are  needed  to  help  them  act  well  their  parts. 

5.  But  moft  of  them,  inftead  of  pondering 
Their  ftudies,  fet  themfelves  to  fquandering 

Their  money,  fared  fumptuoufly  every  day 
And  threw  their  precious  time  away. 


4.6  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

6    Hieronimus  who  liked  ftudy  no  better  than  others, 
Soon  joined  himfelf  to  the  merry  brothers, 
And  very  fhortly  made  it  appear 
As  if  he  had  long  been  familiar  here. 

7.  For  he  daily  lived  in  Floribus 
As  well  as  the  beft  academicus, 

And  many  a  precious  night  he  fpent 

In  carroufmg  and  boufing  to  his  heart's  content. 

8.  Wine,  beer  and  tobacco  were  his  infpiration, 
And  they  gave  his  voice  a  fine  inflation, 

When  he  with  loud  and  mighty  clang 
The  gaudeamus  igitur  fang. 

9.  His  fellows  all  who  gathered  round  him 
The  model  of  a  faithful  ftudent  found  him, 

He  lived  as  a  burfch  of  high  renown 

And  great  was  his  fame  through  all  the  town. 

10.  As  to  thofe  three  detefted  creatures, 
Philiftines  and  Beadles  and  night-rogue-catchers, 

Hieronimus  as  a  hero  true 

Had  often  cudgelled  them  black  and  blue. 

11.  Many  a  Pereat  he  againft  them  had  vented, 
And  with  ludicrous  tricks  their  peace  tormented, 

And  in  thefe  and  various  other  ways 
As  a  renownift  acquired  great  pralfe. 

iz.  The  fummer  he  fpent  in  racing  and  riding, 

And  in  winter  was  continually  fleighing  and  Hiding, 
In  fhort  Hieronimus  felt  himfelf  free 
To  indulge  in  all  manner  of  luxury. 


Of  Hierommus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  47 

13.  Often  he  went  on  a  pleafure  pillage 
To  one  or  another  neighboring  village, 

And  moftly  where  he  was  likely  to  find 
Some  fair  one  fociably  inclined. 

14.  To  breaking  windows  nightly  he  was  addicted, 
Many  tricks  on  young  foxes  inflicted, 

Dice  and  cards  and  billiards  played, 
And  not  much  progrefs  in  learning  made. 

15.  In  rows  and  riots  he  found  great  enjoyment, 
Sleeping  in  taverns  was  his  daily  employment, 

But  twice  in  every  month  or  fo, 

To  college  hall  for  a  change  would  go. 

1 6.  Whenever  impatient  duns  came  after 

Their  money,  they  were  fent  off  with  laughter, 
Or  elfe  in  counterfeit  money  were  paid, 
And  very  angry  and  foolifh  made. 

17.  His  books  and  clothes  he'd  fell  to  pawnbrokers 
And  fpend  the  money  with  drinkers  and  fmokers, 

In  fhort  there  was  none  of  his  time  could  be 
Compared  with  him  in  deviltry. 

1 8.  To  be  fure  he  was  often  fhut  up  in  the  Career, 
And  there  to  the  law  was  made  to  anfwer, 

And  for  his  crimes  on  one  occafion 
He  barely  efcaped  the  relegation. 

19.  For  three  years  long  he  had  purfued  this  vocation, 
And  often  for  money  had  made  application 

To  his  parents,  but  his  letters  were  worded  fo 
That  they  never  fufpected  their  fon  was  fuch  a  go. 


48  'The  Life,  Opinionst  Actions  and  Fate 

ao.  That  no  one  in  this  could  poflibly  be  apter 

Than  Hieronimus  we  fhall  fhowin  the  next  chapter, 
Which  gives  of  this  queer  correfpondence  a  tafte, 
And  therefore  now  clofe  the  prefent  in  hafte. 


NOTES. 

Stanza    7.  In    Floribus,    equivalent    to    our    "living    in 
clover." 

Stanza  8.  "Let  us  then  rejoice  while  our  youth  is  bloom 
ing  !" 

Stanza  n.  Per eat  !  is  the  oppofite  of  Vi>vat\ 

Stanza  14.  Foxes  are  frefhmen. 

Stanza  1 8.  The  Career  is  the  college  prison.     Relegation 
is  difmiflal. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  49 


CHAPTER  XIV. 


Contains  the  copy  of  a  letter y  which,  among  many  others^ 
the  jludent  Hieronimus  did  write  to  his  parents 


D 


EAR  and  Honored  Parents, 
I  lately 

Have  differed  for  want  of  money  greatly  ; 
Have  the  goodnefs,  then,  to  fend  without  fail 
A  trifle  or  two  by  return  of  mail. 


5©  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fatt 

a.  I  want  about  twenty  or  thirty  ducats  j 

For  I  have  not  at  prefent  a  cent  in  my  pockets  j 
Things  are  fo  tight  with  us  this  way, 
Send  me  the  money  at  once,  I  pray. 

3.  And  everything  is  growing  higher, 
Lodging  and  warning  and  lights  and  fire, 

And  incidental  expenfes  every  day — 
Send  me  the  ducats  without  delay. 

4.  You  can  hardly  conceive  the  enormous  expenfes 
The  college  impofes,  on  all  pretences, 

For  text-books  and  lectures  fo  much  to  pay — 
I  wim  the  ducats  were  on  their  way ! 

5.  I  devote  to  my  ftudies  unremitting  attention — 
One  thing  I  muft  not  forget  to  mention  : 

The  thirty  ducats — pray  fend  them  ftraight 
For  my  purfe  is  in  a  beggarly  ftate. 

6.  Boots  and  (hoes,  and  ftockings  and  breeches, 
Tailoring,  warning,  and  extra  ftitches, 

Pen,  ink  and  paper,  are  all  fo  dear ! 
I  wifh  the  thirty  ducats  were  here ! 

7.  The  money — (I  truft  you  will  fpeedily  fend  it!) 
I  promise  faithfully  to  fpend  it ; 

Yes,  dear  parents,  you  never  need  fear, 
I  live  very  ftriftly  and  frugally  here. 

8.  When  other  ftudents  revel  and  riot, 
I  fteal  away  into  perfect  quiet, 

And  fhut  myfelf  up  with  my  books  and  light 
In  my  ftudy-chamber  till  late  at  night. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  51 

9.  Beyond  the  needful  fupply  of  my  table, 
I  fpare,  dear  parents,  all  I  am  able ; 

Take  tea  but  rarely,  and  nothing  more, 
For  fpending  money  afflicts  me  fore. 

10.  Other  ftudents,  who'd  fain  be  called  mellow, 
Set  me  down  for  a  niggardly  fellow, 

And  fay  :  there  goes  the  dig,  juft  look  ! 
How  like  a  parfon  he  eyes  his  book ! 

11.  With  jibes  and  jokes  they  daily  befct  me, 
But  none  of  thefe  things  do  I  fuffer  to  fret  me  5 

I  fmile  at  all  they  can  do  or  fay — 
Don't  forget  the  ducats,  I  pray ! 

12.  Ten  hours  each  day  I  fpend  at  the  college, 
Drinking  at  the  fount  of  knowledge, 

And  when  the  Lectures  come  to  an  end, 
The  reft  in  private  ftudy  I  fpend. 

13.  The  Profeflbrs  exprefs  great  gratification, 
Only  they  hope  I  will  ufe  moderation, 

And  not  wear  out  in  my  ftudiis 
Philofophicis  et  theologicis. 

14.  It  would  favor,  dear  parents,  of  self-laudation, 
To  enter  on  an  enumeration 

Of  all  my  ftudies — in  brief,  there  is  none 
More  exemplary  than  your  dear  fon. 

15.  My  head  feems  ready  to  burft  afunder, 
Sometimes,  with  its  learned  load,  and  I  wonder 

Where  fo  much  knowledge  is  packed  away : 
(Apropos  !  don't  forget  the  ducats,  I  pray  !) 


52  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  fate 

1 6.  Yes,  deareft  parents,  my  devotion  to  ftudy 
Confumes  the  beft  ftrength  of  mind  and  body, 

And  generally  even  the  night  is  fpent 
In  meditation  deep  and  intent. 

17.  In  the  pulpit  foon  I  mail  take  my  ftation, 
And  try  my  hand  at  the  preacher's  vocation, 

Likewife  I  difpute  in  the  college-hall 
On  learned  fubjects  with  one  and  all. 

1 8.  But  don't  forget  to  fend  me  the  ducats, 

For  I  long  fo  much  to  replenifh  my  pockets ; 
The  money,  one  day  mail  be  returned 
In  the  fhape  of  a  fon  right  wife  and  learn'd. 

19.  Then  my  Pri<vatiflimum  (I've  been  thinking  on  it 
For  a  long  time — and  in  fact  begun  it) 

Will  coft  me  twenty  Rix-dollars  more, 

Pleafe  fend  with  the  ducats  I  mentioned  before. 

20.  I  alfo,  dear  parents,  inform  you  fadly, 

I  have  torn  my  coat  of  late,  very  badly, 
So  pleafe  enclofe  with  the  reft  in  your  note 
Twelve  dollars  to  purchafe  a  new  coat. 

21.  New  boots  are  alfo  neceflary, 
Likewife  my  night-gown  is  ragged,  very ; 

My  hat  and  pantaloons,  too,  alas ! 

And  the  reft  of  my  clothes  are  going  to  grafs. 

22.  Now,  as  all  thefe  things  are  needed  greatly, 
Pleafe  enclofe  me  four  Louis  d'ors  feparately, 

Which,  joined  to  the  reft,  perhaps  will  be 
Enough  for  the  prefent  emergency. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  53 

23.  My  recent  ncknefs  you  may  not  have  heard  of, 
In  fact,  for  fome  time,  my  life  was  defpaired  of, 

But  I  hafte  to  aflure  you,  on  my  word, 
That  now  my  health  is  nearly  reftored. 

24.  The  Medicus,  for  fervices  rendered, 

A  bill  of  eighteen  guilders  has  tendered, 
And  then  the  apothecary's  will  be, 
In  round  numbers,  about  twenty-three. 

25.  Now  that  phyfician  and  apothecary 
May  get  their  dues,  it  is  neceflary 

Thefe  forty-one  guilders  be  added  to  the  reft, 
But,  as  to  my  health,  don't  be  diftrefled. 

26.  The  nurfe  would  alfo  have  fome  compenfation, 
Who  attended  me  in  my  critical  fituation, 

I,  therefore,  think  it  would  be  beft 

To  enclofe  feven  guilders  for  her  with  the  reft. 

27.  For  citrons,  jellies  and  things  of  that  nature, 
To  fuftain  and  ftrengthen  the  feeble  creature, 

The  confe&ioner,  too,  has  a  fmall  account, 
Eight  guilders  is  about  the  amount. 

28.  Thefe  various  items,  of  which  I've  made  mention, 
Demand  immediate  attention  j 

For  order,  to  me,  is  very  dear, 

And  I  carefully  from  debts  keep  clear. 

29.  I  alfo  rely  on  your  kind  attention, 

To  forward  the  ducats  of  which  I  made  mention 
So  foon  as  it  can  poffibly  be — 
One  more  fmall  item  occurs  to  me : — 


54  The  Life,  Opinions  y  Actions  and  fate 

30.  Two  weeks  ago  I  unluckily  ftumbled, 

And  down  the  length  of  the  ftairway  tumbled, 
As  in  at  the  college  door  I  went, 
Whereby  my  right  arm  almoft  double  was  bent. 

31.  The  Chirurgus  who  attended  on  the  occafion, 
For  his  balfams,  plafters  and  preparation 

Of  fpirits,  and  other  things  needlefs  to  name, 
Charges  12  dollars  j  pleafe  forward  the  fame. 

32.  But,  that  your  minds  may  be  acquiefcent, 
I  am,  thank  God,  now  convalefcent ; 

Both  moulder  and  fhin  are  in  a  very  good  way, 
And  I  go  to  lecture  every  day. 

33.  My  ftomach  is  ftill  in  a  feeble  condition, 

A  circnmftance  owing,  fo  thinks  the  phyfician, 
To  fitting  fo  much,  when  I  read  and  write, 
And  ftudying  fo  long  and  fo  late  at  night. 

34.  He,  therefore,  earneftly  advifes 
Burgundy  wine,  with  nutmeg  and  fpices, 

And  every  morning,  inftead  of  tea, 
For  the  ftomach's  fake  to  drink  fangaree. 

35.  Pleafe  fend,  agreeably  to  thefe  advices, 
Two  piftoles  for  the  wine  and  fpices, 

And  be  fure,  dear  parents,  I  only  take 
Such  things  as  thefe  for  the  ftomach's  fake. 

36.  Finally,  a  few  fmall  debts,  amounting 

To  thirty  or  forty  guilders  (loofe  counting), 
Be  pleafed,  in  your  letter,  without  fail, 
Dear  parents,  to  enclofe  this  bagatelle. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  55 

37.  And  could  you,  for  fundries,  fend  me  twenty 
Or  a  dozen  Louis  d'or  (that  would  be  plenty), 

'Twould  be  a  kindnefs  feafonably  done, 
And  very  acceptable  to  your  fon. 

38.  This  letter,  dear  parents,  comes  hoping  to  find  you 
In  ufual  health — I  beg  to  remind  you 

How  much  I  am  for  money  perplexed, 
Pleafe,  therefore,  to  remit  in  your  next. 

39.  Herewith  I  clofe  my  letter,  repeating 
To  you  and  all  my  friendly  greeting, 

And  fubfcribe  myfelf,  without  further  fufs, 
Your  obedient  fon, 

HlERONIMUS. 

40.  I  add  in  a  poftfcript  what  I  neglected 
To  fay,  beloved  and  highly  refpected 

Parents,  I  beg  moft  filially, 
That  you'll  forward  the  money  as  foon  as  may  be. 

41.  For  I  had,  dear  father  (I  fay  it  weeping), 
Fourteen  French  Crowns  laid  by  in  fafe  keeping 

(As  I  thought)  for  a  day  of  need — but  the  whole 
An  anonymous  perfon  yefterday  ftole. 

4*.  I  know  you'll  make  good,  unaflced,  each  milling, 
Your  innocent  fon  has  loft  by  this  villain  ; 
For  a  man  fo  con fi derate  muft  be  aware 
That  I  fuch  a  lofs  can  nowife  bear. 


56  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

43.  Meanwhile  I'll  take  care  that,  to-day  or  to-morrow, 
Mifter  Anonymous  mail,  to  his  forrow 
And  your  fatisfaction,  receive  the  reward 
Of  his  gracelefs  trick  with  the  hempen  cord. 


NOTE. 

Stanza  19.  In  college,  purfuing-  an  extra  ftudy  with  fome 
Tutor  is  called  taking  a  private  ;  of  courfe  a  pri-vatiff.mum 
would  be  a  very  private  courfe.  See  "  College  Words  and 
cuftoms." 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  57 


CHAPTER  XV. 

Here  follows  a  copy  of  the  'written  reply  of  old  Senator 
Jobs  to  the  foregoing  letter. 


o 


LD  Senator  Jobs's  anfwer  (verbatim. 

Literatim  atque  punctatim] 

In  form  and  manner  as  follows  would  run : 
Dearly  beloved  and  hopeful  fon  ! 


z.  I  am  very  happy  to  fee,  by  thy  letter, 

That  thy  health  and  profpects  are  daily  better, 
Neverthelefs  it  caufes  me  pain, 
That  thou  makeft  mention  of  money  again. 

3.  It  is  fcarce  three  months,  O  rareft  of  fcholars ! 
Since  I  fent  thee  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars, 

I  wonder,  my  fon,  thou  confidereft  not 
Where  in  the  world  fo  much  cafh  can  be  got. 

4.  I  alfo  learn,  with  lively  fatisfaction, 

That  thou  findett  in  ftudy  fuch  great  attraction, 
But  it  is  with  the  higheft  concern  I  fee 
That  thou  aflceft  thirty  ducats  of  me. 

5.  Allow  me,  my  fon,  the  obfervation, 
That,  on  the  moft  liberal  computation, 

A  univerfity  refidence 

Cannot  be,  with  frugality,  fuch  an  expenfe. 


5  8  The  Life,  Opinion T,  Actions  and  Fate 

6.  Moft  truly  thou  art  right  in  faying 

That  lectures  and  books  are  not  had  without  paying, 
But  it  muft  take  a  great  many  to  come 
To  fuch  an  enormons,  unheard-of  fum. 

7.  For  lodging  and  wafhing  and  lights  and  fire 
One  cannot  poflibly  require 

So  much,  and  for  paper  and  pens  and  ink 

A  very  few  pence  would  fuffice,  I  mould  think. 

8.  I  alfo  perceive  with  gratification 

That  thou  keepeft  thyfelf  from  the  contamination 
Of  evil  companions,  efpecially  by  night, 
Thy  books  and  chamber  thy  fole  delight. 

9.  Likewise  I  am  greatly  pleafed  with  thy  drinking 
Nothing  but  tea, — but  I  can't  help  thinking : 

To  one  who  pores  over  his  books  and  drinks  tea, 
What  ufe  can  thefe  thirty  ducats  be? 

10.  That  other  ftudents  for  a  niggard  abufe  thee 
May  very  properly  amufe  thee, 

For  he  who  fpends  all  that  thou  haft  figured, 
Deferves  to  be  called  anything  but  a  niggard. 

n.  Let  me  advife  thee  to  continue  the  attention 
To  thy  ftudies  of  which  thou  makeft  mention, 
That  thy  precious  time  and  thy  money,  both, 
May  be  wifely  fpent  and  not  wafted  in  iloth. 

12.  But  mind,  my  fon,  the  advice  of  the  phyfician, 
And  beware  of  even  a  laudable  ambition, 
For  alas !  too  often  we  find  it  a  rule 
That  the  greateft  fcholar's  the  greateft  fool. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  59 

13.  Thy  purpose  of  preaching  deferves  commendation, 
Be  diligent,  therefore,  in  thy  preparation, 

But  from  much  difputation,  when  all  is  done, 
Precious  little  wifdom  comes  out,  my  fon. 

14.  The  ufe  of  a  Pri<vatissimum  I  can't  conjecture, 
When  one  is  already  ten  hours  at  lecture, 

And  I  comprehend  it  the  lefs,  as  you  fay, 
There  are  twenty  Rixdollars  to  pay. 

15.  But  I  waive  all  further  commentary, 
For  the  money  thou  findeft  necefTary 

In  purfuing  thy  fhidies  I  gladly  allow, 

And  though  it  were  three  times  as  much  as  now. 

1 6.  According  to  thy  ftory  (no  doubt  a  true  one), 
Thou  haft  torn  thy  coat,  and  need'ft  a  new  one, 

Neverthelefs  the  cloth  muft  be  fuperfine, 
To  coft  twelve  dollars,  or  even  nine. 

17.  But  he  that  will  ftudy  to  be  a  paftor, 

Should  not  drefs  fo  much  better  than  his  Mafter, 
Therefore  a  fomewhat  coarfer  fluff 
Would  make  thee  a  coat  quite  good  enough. 

1 8.  For  other  articles  of  wearing  apparel 
About  the  four  Louis  d'or,  I  shan't  quarrel, 

When  night-gown,  hat  and  trowfers  wear  out, 
New  ones  are  necefTary  without  doubt. 

19.  But  if  I  muft  make,  for  all  this  raiment, 
And  fo  forth,  fpecial  and  feparate  payment, 

What  mail  become,  Hieronimus  dear, 
Of  the  thirty  ducats,  to  me  is  not  clear. 


60  The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

20.  I  received  with  much  feeling  the  information 
Of  thy  recent  critical  fituation, 

But  to  tamper  with  phyfic  to  fuch  an  extent, 
I  muft  fay,  my  fon,  is  money  mifpent. 

21.  For  I  fcarce  ever  knew  of  the  rule  failing, 

With  young  folks  efpecially,  that  when  one  is  ailing, 
Nature  does  better  when  left  to  herfelf, 
Than  the  beft  mixture  on  the  apothecary's  fhelf. 

22.  The  expenfe  of  the  Doctor  and  his  preparation 
Seems  to  me  little  lefs  than  an  abomination, 

And  I  very  ferioufly  queftion  : 

Can  an  apothecary  or  a  Doctor  be  a  Chriftian  ? 

23.  And  as  to  the  nurfe's  compenfation 

Who  attended  you  in  your  critical  fituation, 
'Twould  have  been  enough  if  thou  hadft  given 
A  fmgle  guilder  inftead  of  feven. 

24.  Unlefs  me  had  previoufly  fhown  thee  attention 
Of  another  defcription  which  thou  doftnot  mention, 

For  this,  dear  fon,  I  am  forced  to  infer, 
From  thy  paying  feven  guilders  to  her. 

25.  And  then  the  confectioner's  bill  of  eight  guilders — 
My  fon,  my  fon  !  it  almoft  bewilders 

Thy  father's  brain  ! — if  thou  hadft  been  wife, 
A  dollar  at  moft  would  now  fuffice. 

26.  For  citrons,  confits,  and  things  of  that  nature, 
Adminifter  no  ftrength  to  the  feeble  creature, 

But  oatmeal  gruel  and  barley  drinks 
Are  better,  far,  for  the  fick,  methinks. 


Of  Hieronimw  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  61 

27.  To  fall  down  ftairs  is  highly  injurious, 
See  to  it  next  time  thou  art  not  fo  furious 

To  get  to  thy  ftudies,  but  take  more  care, 
For  it  cofts  a  great  deal  fuch  damage  to  repair. 

28.  Thy  furgeon  has  taken  thee  in  completely, 
For  our  town-barber,  who  works  fo  neatly, 

Will,  for  twelve  dollars,  I'm  told,  reftore 
A  broken  leg  as  whole  as  before. 

29.  But  I'm  happy  to  hear  of  thy  reftoration, 
For  when  the  parfon  is  in  his  peroration, 

His  arm  muft  be  in  a  flexible  ftate, 
That  fo  he  may  pound  and  gefticulate. 

30.  I  muft  further  lament  thy  ftomach's  weaknefs 
Occafioned  by  thy  recent  ficknefs j 

My  ftomach,  I'm  forry  to  fay,  is  feeble 
From  fitting  fo  much  at  the  Council-table. 

31.  Neverthelefs  my  earneft  advice  is: 
Abftain  from  Burgundy  wine  and  fpices ; 

A  bit  of  flag-root  now  and  then 
Will  help  thy  ftomach  as  much  again. 

32.  Thou  mentioned  "fome  fmall  debts,  amounting 
To  thirty  or  forty  guilders,  (loofe  counting)}" 

I've  thought  and  thought  and  racked  my  brain 
To  guefs  what  debts  thofe  can  be,  but  in  vain. 

33.  Thou  haft  given  already  in  fpecification, 
Item  by  item  (outfide  calculation), 

And  forty  guilders,  thou  knoweft  full  well, 
Upon  my  foul  are  no  "  bagatelle  ! " 


6 a  The  Lifey  Opinions  y  Actions  and  Fate 

34.  And  finally  thou  needed  (for  fuch  thy  pretence  is), 
A  dozen  Piftoles  for  thy  general  expenfes  ; 

No  doubt  it  were  very  agreeable  to  thee, 
But  to  me  inconvenient  in  the  highell  degree. 

35.  For  as  to  any  unexpected  urgency 

Thofe  thirty  ducats  will  meet  the  emergency, 
Thefe  laft  dozen  Louis  d'or  feem  to  me, 
In  that  view,  a  mere  fuperfluity. 

36.  And  as  to  the  ftolen  crowns,  thy  fuggeftion, 
In  point  of  delicacy,  admits  of  a  queltion, 

For  truly  the  reparation  were  forer  to  me 
Than  the  alleged  robbery  is  to  thee. 

37.  But,  from  this  difagreeable  fubjeft  to  pafs  on, 
Thy  propofal  to  firing  the  thief  up  fans  fa9on 

Is  by  no  means  a  Chriftian  fentiment  j 
Mr.  Anonymous  may  one  day  repent. 

38.  Befides,  "'tis  a  matter  of  congratulation 
In  thefe  our  days  of  illumination, 

I  fay  it  confidentially  in  thy  ear, 
Holy  juftice  has  grown  lefs  fevere. 

39.  No  one  who  chances  a  drawer  to  rifle, 

Need  mount  the  double  ladder  for  fuch  a  trifle, 
At  leaft,  in  our  wife  Schildburg  they  fay, 
Far  greater  rogues  go  clear  every  day. 

40.  When  thou  in  future  haft  money  in  keeping, 

I  advife  thee  to  guard  it  with  vigilance  unfleeping, 
For  nothing  is  fo  univerfal  a  fubjeft  of  fpeculation 
As  money  depofited  for  prefervation. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  63 

41.  I  and  thy  mother  understand  the  thing  better, 
Learn  wifdom,  therefore,  from  this  prefent  letter 

We  always  lock  our  cam  up  tight 

And  anxioufly  watch  it  by  day  and  night. 

42.  But  to  appeafe  thy  prefent  defire, 

And  fupply  what  immediate  wants  require, 
Be  pleafed  hereby  the  moneys  to  find 
In  a  fealed  linen  bag,  each  feparate  kind. 

43.  Neverthelefs,  I  muft  hint  to  thee,  Hieronimus, 
That  the  times  we  live  in  are  rather  ominous, 

And  it  cofts  me  many  an  anxious  thought 
Where  fo  much  money  can  ever  be  got. 

44.  There's  a  very  fmall  trifle  of  bufinefs  doing, 
Folks  are  fo  poor — fcarce  anything  brewing 

In  the  honorable  Council,  and  fo 
My  incomes,  you  fee,  are  very  low. 

45.  I  (hall,  therefore,  await  with  pleafed  expectation, 
The  day  of  thy  final  graduation, 

Efpecially  as,  by  this  time,  without  doubt, 
Thou  haft  in  every  branch  learned  out. 

46.  For  if  thou  fhould'ft  longer  ftay  and  ftudy 
As  diligently  and  dearly  as  thou  haft  already, 

I  mail  grow  as  poor  as  Job  was  once, 
Utterly  unable  to  raife  any  more  funds. 

47.  We  all  defire  to  welcome,  greatly, 
Our  learned  fon  in  a  ftyle  right  ftately, 

Efpecially  thy  mother  with  joy 

Looks  forward  to  the  return  of  her  boy. 


64  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

48.  I  wifh  I  had  fome  news  to  write  you, 
But  things  are  moftly  in  quo  fob; 

I  go  as  ufual,  early  and  late, 

To  the  Council-room  to  deliberate. 

49.  There  we  have  had  in  confideration, 
In  plena,  many  an  alteration, 

Whereby  our  police  affairs  may  be 
Administered  judicioufly. 

50.  Thy  mother's  teeth  have  troubled  her  greatly, 
But  a  diftinguifhed  furgeon,  lately, 

From  foreign  parts,  came  along  one  day, 
And  took  the  troublefome  teeth  away. 

51.  A  perfon  is  paying  attention  to  your  filler 
Gertrude,  his  name  and  title  is  Mifter 

Procurator  Geier,  'tis  well  under  way, 
And  Trudy  grows  taller  every  day. 

52.  Our  old  parfon  is  always  ailing, 

They  think  his  health  is  decidedly  failing, 
If  this  excellent  man  mould  be  taken  away, 
Thou  mighteft  be  our  Parfon  one  day. 

53.  Our  wealthy  neighbor's  daughter  Betty 
Sends  hearty  greetings — the  girl  is  pretty, 

And  neat  and  tidy,  and  would  be 
A  nice  little  parfon's  wife  for  thee. 

54.  Thy  brothers  and  fifters  all  fend  their  greeting 
In  the  joyful  hope  of  a  fpeedy  meeting, 

They  are  glad  to  hear  of  thy  health  and  fuccefs, 
And,  with  wifhes  for  thy  happinefs, 


Of  Hitronimus  Jobsy  the  Candidate.  65 

55.  I  remain, 

Thy  father  (in  courfe  of  natur), 
Hans  Jobs,  pro  tempore  Senater. 

P.  S.     Write  again  at  an  early  day, 
But  fpare  thy  allufions  to  money,  I  pray. 


NOTES. 

Stanza  40.     Does  not  the  laft  couplet  feem  almoft  pro 
phetic  ? 

Stanza  43.     N.  B. — The  rhyme  in  the  firft  couplet  is 
ftrictly  copy-righted. 

Stanza  48.     The  fecond  line  fliows  old  Jobs  a  rare  Latinift. 

Stanza  49.     In  pleno — or,  as  ive  might  fay,  "  in  Com 
mittee  of  the  Whole." 


66  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

Hocw  Hieronimus  finijhed  his  flud'ies,  and  how  he 
journeyed  home,  and  how  it  flood  with  his  learning ; 
neatly  reprefented  in  the  prefent  engraving. 


OINCE,  now,  one  cannot  forever  tarry 

^At  univerfities,  it  became  neceflary 

That  after  a  fpace  of  three  years  had  flown 
Hieronimus  mould  prepare  to  go  home. 

a.  As  his  time  of  ftudy  had  now  fully  expired 

And  his  prefence  at  home  was  very  much  defired, 
Immediately  he  fet  about 
Doing  all  that  was  needed  to  fit  himfelf  out. 


Of  Hieronimtts  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  67 

3.  His  luggage  required  but  a  fhort  time  to  pack  it 
For  faving  boots,  fword,  waiftcoat  and  jacket, 

And  whatever  elfe  on  his  body  was  feen, 
There  was  no  other  article,  dirty  or  clean. 

4.  For  books  there  was  no  need  of  alking  about  them, 
He  could  get  along  very  well  without  them, 

And  except  a  {ingle  fermon  alone 
Not  the  leaft  fcripture  did  he  own. 

5.  A  friend  had  given  him  this  as  a  prefent, 

And  taught  him  to  repeat  it  by  labour  inceflant, 
That  fo,  whenever  an  occasion  tranfpired, 
He  might  preach  eafily  at  home  if  defired. 

6.  He  thought  with  no  little  trepidation 

Of  prefenting  himfelf  to  his  parents  in  this  fituation, 
For  if  in  this  manner  he  mould  appear, 
The  ftate  of  the  cafe  would  at  once  be  clear. 

7.  At  laft  he  concluded,  that  when  they  began  to 
Inquire  about  his  purfe  and  portmanteau, 

He  would  make  believe  that  fomebody  ftole, 
On  his  journey  home,  the  whole. 

8.  Alfo  fome  fighs  would  ftart,  quite  ominous, 
How  will  it  fare  with  thee,  poor  Hieronimus ! 

When  thou  an  examination  malt  undergo, 
And  mow  how  much  thou  doft  not  know  ? 

9.  Verily  he  was  rilled  with  remorfe  and  vexation 
So  that  he  almoft  fhed  tears  on  the  occafion, 

To  think  that  for  fo  much  time  and  coft 
He  had  fo  little  learning  to  boaft. 


68  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fatt 

10.  But  all  his  manceuvering,  contriving  and  inventing, 
Wifhing  and  fighing  and  groaning  and  grunting, 
Brought  him  no  fort  of  peace  at  all, 
For  the  time  was  gone  beyond  recall. 

xi.  Therefore,  by  way  of  alleviation, 
He  fent  out  formaliter  an  invitation 
To  his  friends  at  the  univerfity, 
And  gave  them  a  valedictory  fpree. 

12.  Here  then,  once  more,  was  a  regular  rollicking, 
Drinking  and  fmoking  and  finging  and  frolicking, 

'Till  at  laft  the  difmal  morning  breaks, 
And  Hieronimus  his  farewell  takes. 

13.  Right  heavily  now  his  heart  was  fhaken 
And  bitter  grief  did  the  parting  awaken, 

Yes,  he  really  boohooM  right  out 

In  the  arms  of  the  friends  that  crowded  about. 

14.  Before,  however,  his  final  clearance, 

At  the  Profeflbr's  he  made  his  appearance, 
Who  gave  him,  for  the  ready  money, 
An  academic  teftimony. 

15.  It  was  not  indeed  quite  creditable, 

But  Hieronimus,  who  to  read  it  was  unable, 
(For  it  was  written  in  Latin  and  Greek) 
Into  his  bag  the  paper  did  ftick. 

1 6.  We  leave  him,  therefore,  his  journey  purfuing 
Homeward,  the  reader  meanwhile  may  be  viewing, 

Prefixed  to  this  chapter,  a  copper-plate 
That  mows,  as  to  learning,  his  real  ftate 


Of  Hierommus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  69 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

Ho-iv  Hieronimus,  booted  and  fpurred,  returns  to  hh 
friends. 


~\NE  day  when  old  Senator  Jobs,  after  dinner, 
^^(For  fuch  was  his  accuftomed  manner,) 

With  pipe  in  mouth,  leaned  back  his  head 
In  the  eafy-chair  and  his  newfpaper  read  ; 

2.  And  meanwhile,  Mrs.  Jobs  was  making  a  pother 
In  the  kitchen,  about  fomething  or  other, 
And  nobody  dreaming  of  any  harm, 
All  on  a  fudden  there  rofe  an  alarm  \ 


70  The  Lifey  Opinions^  Actions  and  fate 

3.  For  a  ftately  rider,  booted  and  fpurry, 
Came  riding  up  the  ftreet  in  a  hurry, 

And  ftraight  at  the  houfe  they  heard,  flam-bang, 
Somebody  difmount  with  a  terrible  clang. 

4.  Like  a  knell  in  the  family's  ears  it  founded, 
Old  Jobs  let  fall  his  paper,  aftounded, 

And  the  pipe  itfelf  came  near  to  break  ; 
And  Mrs.  Jobs  was  too  frightened  to  fpeak. 

5.  But  foon  from  this  panic  in  which  they  were  taken, 
The  rider  did  their  fenfes  'waken, 

As,  in  full  traveling  coftume, 

He  came  at  once  right  into  the  room. 

6.  The  old  folks  apparently  neither  of  them  knew  him , 
But  he  kept  quiet  and  let  them  view  him, 

Till  at  laft  the  old  man  jumped  from  his  chair 
To  fee  his  dear  Hieronimus  there. 

7.  I  have  not  the  qualifications  in  any  meafure, 
To  fmg  the  exceeding  and  mighty  pleafure 

Of  the  good  old  Senator  at  feeing  his  boy, 
He  almoft  went  out  of  his  head  for  joy. 

8.  The  mother  too,  could  hardly  contain  herfelf, 
Nor  from  kifling  his  hands  and  feetreftrain  herfelf, 

As  foon  as  (he  faw  that  it  muft  needs  be 
Hieronimus,  and  none  but  he. 

9.  They  almoft  cried,  in  the  overmeafure 

Of  their  very  great  and  diftrefling  pleafure, 

And  the  Welcome  home !  and  the  God  be  p  railed ! 
Held  on  till  a  ftranger  had  been  half-crazed. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  71 

10.  And  Senator  Jobs's  remaining  children 

Were  alfo  at  hand,  till  it  became  quite  bewildering 
They  all  of  them  feemed  in  a  perfect  bother, 
For  not  a  foul  of  them  knew  their  brother. 

IT.  'Twas  really  exceeding  curious 

To  hear  what  the  children  made  of  Hieronimus  : 
One  held  him  to  be  a  diftinguifhed  gueft 
Who  had  juft  arrived  from  the  Eaft  or  Weft ; 

12.  Another,  on  account  of  his  fword  and  his  danger 
ous  drefs  and  equipment,  confidered  the  ftranger 

As  one  who  bags  up  children  fmall  j 

This  thought  did  the  youngeft  particularly  appal. 

13.  But  very  funny  was  it  with  Efther, 
Our  Hieronimus's  youngeft  fifter, 

For  (he  kept  up  a  continual  clack 

About  her  ftrange  uncle  from  Gengenbach. 

14.  In  the  three  years  he  had  fpent  at  college, 

His  perfon  had  quite  outgrown  their  knowledge, 
His  belly  had  waxed  exceeding  thick 
And  there  was  a  deal  of  hair  on  chin  and  cheek. 

15.  It  was  not,  therefore,  a  matter  of  wonder 
That  they  at  firft  mould  make  fuch  a  blunder, 

Efpecially  as  his  ftudent-drefs 

Made  it  difficult,  who  he  was,  to  guefs. 

1 6.  A  very  tall  hat  with  a  very  tall  feather, 
Breeches  and  waiftcoat  of  yellow  buck's  leather, 

With  a  fhort  cravat  of  fome  gray  fluff, 
Difguifed  Hieronimus  well  enough. 


7*  'The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

1 7.  Add  to  this  a  mighty  great  fword,  fufpended 
From  his  left  fide,  with  which  he  defended 

His  perfon  from  any  fudden  attack, 
Fit  alike  for  a  thruft  or  a  thwack. 

1 8.  And  then  his  look,  fo  martial  and  bloody, 
That  feemed  to  threaten  death  to  everybody ; 

His  hair  hanging  down  in  great  mafles  too, 
And  behind,  a  great  pig-tail  of  a  queue. 

19.  Thefe  and  other  arrangements  I  might  mention, 
Soon  attracted  his  father's  attention, 

For  a  fimple  decorous  black  drefs 

Would  better  have  fuited  his  parents,  I  guefs. 

20.  Nor  did  Hieronimus's  general  behaviour 
Recommend  him  to  old  father  Jobs's  favour, 

Efpecially  when  he  Hieronimus  heard 
Venting  curfes  at  every  word. 

a i.  He  gave  him,  therefore,  to  underftand  clearly 
That  he  muft  alter  all  this  entirely, 
For  furely  a  young  Theologus 
Muft  never  be  heard  to  fwear  and  cufs. 

22.  When  a  few  moments  after  he  aflced  for  the  coffer, 
Hieronimus  did  the  information  proffer, 

And  fwore  to  it  moft  luftily : 

It  was  ftolen  from  the  poftwagon,  faid  he. 

23.  This  difagreeable  information 
Threw  the  father  into  great  agitation, 

And  he  would  immediately  have  begun 
To  fcold,  but  the  mother  excufed  her  fon  j 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  73 

24.  Sne  ftepped  between  Hieronimus  and  his  father, 
Saying,  'tis  furely  the  misfortune  rather 

Than  any  fault  of  our  dear  fon  j 

So  the  old  man  fubmitted  and  was  mum. 

25.  Meanwhile  the  neighbours  were  rapidly  learning 
The  news  of  Hieronimus's  returning, 

From  houfe  to  houfe  the  rumour  flew 

'Till  it  was  known  the  whole  town  through. 

26.  It  feemed  a  weighty  public  matter, 

It  kept  the  ftreets  in  a  conftant  clatter, 
And  at  every  cafual  neighborly  meeting 
"  Hieronimus  is  here"  was  the  very  firft  greeting. 

27.  In  univerfal  congratulation, 
At  Senator  Jobs's  habitation, 

The  reft  of  the  remaining  day  did  wag 
And  nothing  more  was  thought  of  the  bag. 

28.  Hieronimus  feafted  away  quite  cheery, 

For  his  journey  had  made  him  faint  and  weary, 
And  he  fmoked  till  he  emptied,  as  I  can  vouch, 
His  daddy's  great  tobacco  pouch. 

NOTE. 

In  the  wood-cut  that  heads  this  Chapter,  the  object  on 
the  left  refembling  a  fcrew,  as  if  to  draw  the  rider  along  by 
an  invifible  wire,  is  prefumed  to  be  no  more  nor  lefs  than  a 
mile-ftonc.  The  reader  will  pleafe  not  let  it  difturb  his 
dreams. 


74  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

Ho-iv  Hieronimus  nofw  began  to  be  clerical,  and  honu  he 
got  a  black  drefs  and  a  peruke,  and  honu  he  preached 
for  the  fir  ft  time  in  the  pulpit,  &c. 

'TpHE  day  after  that  to  which  we've  been  referring, 
When  all  in  the  houfe  were  up  and  ftirring, 
And  round  the  breakfaft  table  they  fat, 
Sipping  their  coffee  in  focial  chat, 

2.  The  father  began  to  call  attention 

As  follows :  Dear  Son,  it  is  proper  to  mention, 
That  thy  ftyle  of  raiment  hitherto 
Will  for  the  future  hardly  do. 

3.  And  firft  and  foremoft  muft  thou  haften 
That  terrible  fword  from  thy  fide  to  unfaften, 

Becaufe  a  fervant  of  the  Lord 

Don't  never  fight  except  with  the  word. 

4.  Likewife  the  gray  collar  and  waiftcoat  of  leather 
And  breeches  and  boots  muft  be  laid  afide  altogether, 

As  alfo  the  mighty  feather  hat, 

For  no  clergyman  is  allowed  to  wear  that. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  75 

5.  For  if  this  rig  fhould  be  feen  by  any  body, 
They  would  certainly  cry  out,  "O  Luddyl 

We've  furely  got  a  cuiraffier, 
Inftead  of  our  future  parfon,  here." 

6.  Know  alfo  that  a  round  peruke  is  fitter 
For  a  clerical  head  and  looks  much  better, 

And  a  great  deal  more  refpectable,  too, 
Than  ropy  hair  and  a  pig-tail  queue ! 

7.  It  is  therefore  thy  father's  pleafure 

That  the  tailor  mould  come  and  take  thy  meafure, 
That  he  may  make  thee  this  very  day 
A  fuit  of  black  without  delay. 

8.  The  peruke-maker  has  alfo  had  warning, 
To  come,  if  you  pleafe,  this  very  morning, 

To  make  thee  a  wig  that  thou  mayft  wear 
Over  thy  frowzy  head  of  hair. 

9.  It  will  make  thee  look  refpectable,  very, 
But  it  is  alfo  neceflary 

That  thou  fhouldft  leave  off  fwearing  to-day 
And  endeavour  to  live  in  a  clerical  way. 

10.  Hieronimus  liftened,  reluctantly  rather, 
To  the  rational  counfel  of  his  father, 

But  concluded  to  fulfil  the  defire 
Of  his  grave  and  venerable  fire. 

11.  Behold  him,  therefore,  ere  the  day  had  expired, 
In  full  black  drefs  and  peruke  attired, 

He  was  alfo  in  a  white  cravat  arrayed 
By  his  mother's  manu  proprid  made. 


76  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

i a.  Thus  clerically  fitted  out,  he  communicated 
To  his  parents  that  he  meditated, 
God  willing,  in  this  livery 
To  preach  next  Sunday  publicly. 

13.  On  the  Sunday  following  Hieron'mus 

Did  really  preach  in  purfuance  of  his  promife, 
And  without  fpecial  obftacle 
Got  through  his  fermon  very  well. 

14.  For  as  we  above,  Chapter  XVI.,  made  mention, 
A  friend  had  politely  fliown  him  the  attention 

Of  writing  for  him  a  fermon,  which  he 
Could  now  deliver  conveniently. 

15.  'Twas  an  excellent  piece  of  compofition, 
Choke  full  of  wifdom  and  erudition, 

And  fmelt  fo  of  the  ftudy  fhelf 

That  Hieronimus  did'nt  underftand  it  himfelf. 

1 6.  His  external  appearance  was  likewife  fplendid, 
His  arms  and  hands  he  mightily  extended, 

And  his  tenor  voice  fo  ftrong  and  clear 
Went  ftately  into  the  public  ear. 

17.  His  fermon  was  heard  by  many  hundred, 
Who  all  at  his  talent  greatly  wondered, 

They  nodded  their  heads  and  the  whifper  ran 
Through  all  the  houfe :  "  What  a  wonderful  man  ! 

1 8.  "  Who  on  earth  would  have  ever  fufpected 
That  anything  like  this  could  have  been  concocted 

Out  of  Jobs's  dull  Hieronimus? 
'Tis  a  perfect  miracle  to  us ! " 


Of  Hier animus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  77 

19.  Likewife  there  was  not  a  fingle  relation 
Abfent  from  the  congregation, 

And  every  one  thought :  "  Our  coufin  Jobs 
Looks  remarkably  well  in  his  clerical  robes !" 

20.  But  'tis  vain  to  attempt  to  defcribe  the  elation 
Of  the  two  good  parents  on  this  occafion, 

There  cannot  be  a  doubt,  thought  they, 
He's  the  greateft  orator  of  the  day. 

21.  When  divine  fervice  had  come  to  a  termination, 
They  adjourned  to  partake  of  a  great  collation, 

Given  in  Senator  Jobs's  houfe, 

Where  all  the  relations  went  to  caroufe. 

22.  And  while  the  dinner  they  were  eating, 
Hieronimus'  praife  they  were  conftantly  repeating, 

And  many  a  great  glafs  of  wine 

Was  drunk  to  the  health  of  our  young  divine. 

23.  The  whole  aflembly  was  alfo  unanimous 
That,  under  exifting  circumftances,  Hieronimus, 

Who  to-day  had  preached  fo  brilliantly 
Before  the  prefent  company, 

24.  Muft  certainly  next  make  bold  to  venture 
His  name  as  candidate  to  enter, 

That  fo,  in  optima  forma  he 
Should  Candidatus  Minifterii  be. 

25.  *Tis  true,  as  a  preliminary, 

An  Examen  would  be  neceflary, 

But  the  recent  fpecimen  mowed  that  he 
Would  find  therein  no  difficulty. 

7* 


78  'The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

26.  Efpecially  as  the  prefent  incumbent  was  weakly, 
Old  and  infirm  and  fomewhat  fickly, 

Hieronimus  might  without  any  offence 
Enter  the  vacant  parifh  at  once. 

27.  That  is,  in  cafe,  by  the  blefling  of  heaven, 
The  parfon  mould  go  the  way  of  all  living, 

For  his  feeble  conftitution  gave  place 

For  fufpicion  that  this  would  be  fhortly  the  cafe. 

28.  Hieronimus,  overpowered  by  the  folicitations 
And  weighty  reafons  of  his  friends  and  relations, 

Gave,  anxioufly  enough,  God  knows, 
His  confent  to  what  they  did  propofe. 

29.  For  the  reft,  he  emptied  with  great  pleafure 
Of  liquor  many  a  brimming  meafure, 

But  when  that  Examen  came  into  his  head 
It  ftruck  his  heart  with  a  fort  of  dread. 

30.  At  laft  his  anxiety  fought  confolation 
In  a  regular  fit  of  intoxication, 

Although  old  Jobs  his  difpleafure  made  known, 
By  repeatedly  making  his  head  at  his  fon. 

NOTE. 

Stanza  8.  Frowzy.  This  word  is  not  frouxy,  which  has 
a  different  meaning.  Our  word  is  found  only  in  an  old  Dic 
tionary  in  the  Jobs  family. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  79 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

Honv  Hieronimus  ivas  examined  for  a  Candidate,  and 
hoew  be  made  out. 

TTOWEVER  he  ftuck  to  his  determination, 
And  the  clerify  held  a  convocation, 

And  every  one  came  in  his  wig  and  robes 
To  the  examination  of  Hieronimus  Jobs. 

1.  But  how  he  felt  in  view  of  his  danger, 
Being  to  learning  an  utter  ftranger, 
And  what  an  anxious  face  he  made, 
The  reader  will  not  comprehend,  I'm  afraid. 

3.  The  fcene  is  beyond  my  power  of  painting : 
If  he  ever  in  his  life  faw  the  hour  for  fainting, 

That  hour  at  laft  was  approaching  now  j 
Alas  !  thou  poor  Hieronimus,  thou  ! 

4.  Begin  now,  Mifs  Mufe,  an  enumeration 

Of  the  clerical  gentleman  whom  the  examination 
Brought  hither  on  the  appointed  day 
From  every  quarter  of  Swabia. 


8o  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

5.  The  firft,  that  was  the  Herr  Infpefior, 
In  doclrine  ftrong  as  a  fecond  Heftor, 

A  ftately,  pot-bellied  man  was  he, 

Whom  you  faw  at  a  glance  an  Infpeflor  to  be. 

6.  This  poft  was  accorded  to  his  fingular  merit, 
Its  burdens  he  bore  with  a  patient  fpirit, 

And,  to  fay  the  truth,  with  a  cheerful  mood, 
And  daily  ate  and  drank  what  was  good. 

7.  And  after  him  came  the  ghoftly  Aff'eJJ'or, 

A  man  whofe  breadth  was  fomewhat  lefler, 

But  height  much  greater:  he  was  fpare  of  limb, 
And  his  difpofition  exceedingly  grim. 

8.  He  not  only  the  fpiritual  interefts  defended, 
But  to  matters  of  economy  alfo  attended, 

And  drank  only  bad  wine  and  beer, 

For  his  income  was  fmall  and  his  habit  fevere. 

9.  Then  came  Herr  Krager,  an  oldifh  man  rather, 
Who  was  very  well  verfed  in  many  a  church  father, 

And  to  prove  a  point  could  readily  quote 
Whatever  any  one  of  'em  wrote. 

10.  Next  Herr  Krifch,  polite  as  a  Caftilian, 
Who  was,  in  Poftils,  a  perfeft  poftillion  5 

Ported  up  in  them  as  well  as  the  beft 
Parfon  the  Swabian  land  poflefled. 

11.  Next  Herr  Bejf,  a  Linguift  of  great  reputation, 
And  a  tolerable  chriftian  in  walk  and  converfation, 

In  lefturing  a  terrible  bore, 

But  always  Orthodox  to  the  core. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  81 

i  a.  Next  Herr  Schrei,  a  man  of  great  .notoriety 
Alike  in  the  pulpit  and  in  general  fociety, 
Free  and  eafy — had  no  wife, 
And  led  with  his  cook  an  exemplary  life. 

13.  Next  Herr  Plate,  an  angelic  creature, 

In  his  youth  of  a  fomewhat  genial  nature, 
But  when  to  preach  he  once  began 
He  became  a  very  pious  man. 

14.  He  kept  his  beloved  congregation 
From  vice  and  evil  communication, 

Faithful  in  feafon  and  out  was  he 

To  admonifh,  when  he  had  opportunity. 

15.  Next  Herr  Keffer,  who  never  could  tire 

In  following  his  fheep  through  mud  and  mire, 
But  alas  !  in  his  flock,  befide  the  lambs, 
Were  likewife  many  ftiff-necked  old  rams. 

1 6.  Sometimes,  to  get  them  to  follow  his  leadings, 
He  inftituted  legal  proceedings, 

For  he  underftood  the  jura  of  the  ftate 
As  well  as  the  very  beft  advocate. 

17.  Befides  thofe  named  in  the  above  enumeration, 
Other  clerical  gentlemen  attended  the  examination, 

Whom  I  neither  need  nor  can 
Particularly  defignate  man  by  man. 

1 8.  Now  when  the  reverend  and  ghoftly  faces 
Had  all  come  together  in  their  places, 

Praemiffis  praemittendis,  they 
Round  a  great  table  fate  ftraightway. 


8z  The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

19.  With  trembling  and  quaking  came  Hieronimus 
Before  this  aflembly  of  white  bands  fo  ominous, 
And  fcraped  a  greeting  fubmiflively, 
Oh,  woe,  Hieronimus  !  woe  on  thee  ! 

ao.  Firft  and  formoft  inquired  the  Examinatores 
About  his  previous  manners  and  moresy 
And  prefently  afked  him  whether  he 
Had  a  certificate  from  the  univerfity  ? 

ai.  Hieronimus,  without  hefitation, 

Handed  the  infpector  the  atteftation, 
Who  read  the  fame  immediately : 
Alas  !  Hieronimus,  woe  on  thee  ! 

aa.  'Tis  true,  the  document  was  worded, 
In  Latin  and  Greek,  as  above  recorded, 
And  confequently  not  eafy  to  read, 
But  unfortunately,  as  ill  luck  decreed, 

83.  The  Infpeftor  made  out,  in  a  free  translation 
To  give  a  fubftantial  interpretation, 
For  no  other  clergyman  in  the  hall 
Dared  undertake  the  tafk  at  all. 

a4-  To  leave  no  breach  in  this  narration, 

I  will  now  give  the  reader  full  information, 
What  Hieronimus'  certificate, 
Word  for  word,  did  properly  ftate. 

25.  Firft  the  name  and  title  of  the  ProfefTors, 
And  then  in  larger  hand,  the  letters 
L.  B.  S.,  and  the  meaning  of  them 
Was  Leftori  Benevolo  Salutem! 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobst  the  Candidate.  83 

26.  "  Forafmuch  as  Herr  Hieronimus  Jobsius 
As  Theologias  Studiofus, 

During  three  years'  and  fome  weeks'  fpace 
Had  his  refidence  in  this  place, — 

27.  "  And  the  fame  now  has  it  in  contemplation 
To  take  his  leave,  and  has  made  application 

For  a  written  certificate  to  me, 
A  ftep  of  great  propriety, — 

28.  "  I  could  not  refufe  his  reafonable  defires, 
But  give  hereby  the  atteft  he  requires, 

That  the  fame  did  every  quarter  of  a  year 
Once  at  my  Ie6hire-room  appear. 

29.  "  Whether  the  reft  was  devoted  to  ftudy 
Himfelf  knows  better  than  anybody, 

For  I  in  this  official  report 

AfTert  and  teftify  nothing  of  the  fort. 

30.  "  And  as  to  general  behaviour, 

There  is  not  much  to  be  faid  in  his  favour , 
Entire  filence  on  that  point  would  be 
The  part  of  chriftian  charity. 

31.  "  For  the  reft  I  have  only  to  fay,  God  fpeed  him 
On  his  journey  home,  and  may  heaven  lead  him, 

When  all  thefe  earthly  troubles  are  paft, 
To  the  place  where  he  belongs  at  laft ! " 

32.  How  the  eyes  of  the  learned  body  diftended 
When  the  reading  of  this  document  ended, 

And  that  Herr  Hieronimus  did  not  laugh 
The  reader  can  imagine  readily  enough. 


84  The  Life,  Opinions ,  Actions  and  Fate 

33.  However  on  all  hands  it  feemed  better 
For  this  once  to  overlook  the  matter, 

And  for  charity's  fake  to  find  all  the  good 
In  the  teftimonial  that  they  could. 

34.  For  the  gentlemen  wifely  recollected 

How  many  of  their  tricks  had  not  been  detected, 
And  how  if  they  had,  it  had  fared  with  them, 
And  fo  they  proceeded  at  once  ad  rent. 

35.  The  Herr  Infpector  he  led  off, 
Clearing  the  way  with  a  mighty  cough, 

Repeated  thrice,  thrice  did  he  ftroke 
His  portly  paunch  and  then  he  fpoke: 

36.  "  I,  for  the  time  pro  tempore  Infpeftor 
And  of  the  clergy  prefent  Director, 

Aflc  you  :  Quid  fit  Epifcopus?" 
Straightway  replied  Hieronimus : 

37.  "  A  Bifhop  is,  as  I  conjecture, 
An  altogether  agreeable  mixture 

Of  fugar,  pomegranate  juice  and  red  wine, 
And  for  warming  and  ftrengthening  very  fine.' 

38.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making! 

And  firft  the  Infpeftor  faid,  hem  !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

39.  And  now  the  AJfeffor  began  to  inquire  : 
"  Herr  Hieronimus !  tell  me,  I  defire, 

Who  the  Apoftles.  may  have  been  f" 
Hieronimus  quick  made  anfwer  again : 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  85 

40.  "  Apoftles  they  call  great  jugs,  I'm  thinking, 
In  which  wine  and  beer  are  kept  for  drinking, 

In  the  villages,  and  from  them  oft 
By  thirfty  Burfches  liquor  is  quaffed." 

41.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpector  faid,  hem  !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

42.  Herr  Krager  now  in  his  turn  ftood  ready : 
And  "  if  you  pleafe,  Herr  Candidate"  faid  he, 

"  Inform  me  cwho  cwas  St.  Augujlin  ?" 
Hieronimus  anfwered  with  open  mien : 

43.  "The  only  Auguftineof  whom  I've  any  knowledge 
Is  the  one  I  ufed  to  know  at  college, 

Auguftine,  the  beadle  of  the  univerfity, 
Who  often  before  the  Proreftor  cited  me." 

44.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpeftor  faid  hem  !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

45.  Now  followed  Herr  Krifch  at  once  and  requefted 
To  know  "  ofho<TV  many  parts  afermon  conjijled, 

In  other  words,  ho<w  many  divi/ions  mujl  there  be, 
When  it  is  written  ruleably  ?"  faid  he. 

46.  Hieronimus  having  taken  a  moment  to  determine, 
Replied  j  "  There  are  two  parts  to  every  fermon  : 

The  one  of  thefe  two  parts  no  man 
Can  underftand,  but  the  other  he  can." 


86  The  Life,  Opinions  >  Actions  and  Fate 

47.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpe6lor  faid  hem  !  hem ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

48.  Herr  Beffthe  Linguift  continued  the  examination, 
And  defired  of  Herr  Hieronimus  information  : 

"  What  the  Hebrew  Kibbutz  might  be  ?" 
Hieronimus's  anfwer  was  fomewhat  free ; 

49.  "  I  find  in  a  book  to  which  I've  paid  attention, 
Sophia's  tour  from  Memel  to  Saxony,  mention, 

That  (he  to  the  furly  Kibbutz  fell 
Becaufe  (he  refufed  the  rich  old  fwell." 

50.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpe<5tor  faid  hem  !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

51.  Next  in  turn  it  came  to  Herr  Schreier, 
Who  did  of  Hieronimus   inquire, 

"  Hofw  many  claj/es  of  angels  he 
Confidered  there  might  properly  be .?" 

52.  Hieronimus  anfwered,  "  He  never  pretended 
With  all  the  angels  to  be  acquainted, 

But  there  was  one  of  them  he  knew 

On  the  Angel-Tavern  fign,  painted  blue." 

53.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpeftor  faid  hem !  hem  ! 
And  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 


Of  Hier animus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  87 

54.  Herr  Plotz  proceeded  with  the  interrogation : 

"  Can  you  give,  Herr  Candidate,  an  enumeration 
Of  the  concilia  aecumenica  /*" 
And  Hieronimus  anfwered !  "  Sir, 

55.  "  When  I  at  the  univerfity  did  ftudy 
I  was  often  cited  before  a  body 

Called  a  council,  but  it  never  feemed  to  me 
To  have  anything  to  do  with  economy." 

56.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  lhaking, 

And  firft  the  Infpeclor  faid,  hem  !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

57.  Then  followed  his  fpiritual  lordfhip,  Herr  Keffer, 
The  queftion  he  ftarted  feemed  fomewhat  tougher, 

It  related  "  to  the  Manichean  herefy 
And  what  their  faith  nuas  originally.'1'' 

58.  Anfwer:  "Yes  thefe  fimple  devils 
Did  really  think  that  without  any  cavils, 

Before  my  departure,  I  fhould  pay  them  off 
And  in  fact  I  did  cudgel  them  foundly  enough." 

59.  The  Candidate  Jobs  this  anfwer  making, 
There  followed  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpeftor  said,  hem !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others  fecundum  ordinem. 

60.  The  remaining  queftions  that  received  attention 
For  want  of  room  I  omit  to  mention  j 

For  otherwife  the  protocol 

Would  exceed  feven  meets,  if  given  in  full. 


88  The  Life,  Opinions t  Actions  and  Fate 

61.  For  there  were  many  queftions,  dogmatical, 
Polemical  and  hermeneutical, 

To  which  Hieronimus  made  reply 
In  the  manner  above,  fucceflively. 

62.  And  likewife  many  queftions  in  philology 
And  other  fciences  ending  in  ology, 

And  whatever  elfe  to  a  clergyman  may 
Be  put  on  examination  day. 

63.  When  the  Candidate  Jobs  his  anfwer  was  making, 
There  would  follow  of  heads  a  general  making, 

And  firft  the  Infpeclor  would  fay  hem  !  hem  ! 
Then  the  others,  fecundum  ordinem. 

64.  Now  when  the  examination  had  expired, 
Hieronimus  by  permiflion  retired, 

That  the  cafe  might  be  viewed  on  every  fide, 
And  the  council  carefully  decide  : 

65.  If  concience  would  advife  the  admillion 
Of  Hieronimus  to  the  pofition 

And  clafs  of  candidates  for  the 
Holy  Gofpel  miniftry. 

66.  Immediately  they  proceeded  to  voting, 
But  very  foon,  without  much  difputing, 

The  meeting  was  unanimous 

That,  under  the  circumftances,  Hieronimus 

67.  Would  not  perfift  in  his  application 
As  a  candidate  for  ordination, 

But  for  fpecial  reafons  they  thought  it  beft, 
To  let  the  matter  quietly  reft. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  89 

68.  In  faft  for  years  it  was  kept  fo  private, 
No  ftranger  ever  heard  anything  of  it, 
But  everybody  early  and  late 
Held  Hieronimus  for  a  candidate. 


NOTES. 

Stanza  48.      Kibbutx  is  a  corruption  for  the  Hebrew  letter 
Koph. 

Stanza  49.      Kibbutz  is  alfo  a  name  for  the  Owh 

Stanza  57.     The  German  ftudents  nickname  their  credi 
tors  ManicAaans. 


90  the  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XX. 


How  the  author  fubmijji'vely  hegs  pardon,  that  the  former 
chapter  was  fo  long,  and  how  he  promifes  that  the 
prefent  one  Jhall  be  fo  much  the  Jhorter  /  a  chapter  of 
which  the  rubric  is  longer  than  the  chapter  itfelf,  and 
which  might  be  omitted  'without  injuring  theftory. 


T  HEARTILY  beg  the  reader's  pardon, 
The  previous  chapter  was  fuch  a  long  and  hard  one, 
The  prefent  chapter,  dear  reader,  fhall  be 
So  much  the  Ihorter,  I  promife  thee. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  91 


CHAPTER  XXL 

Ho<w  Father  Jobs  the  Senator  did  deliver  Hieronimus  a 
fermon  of  rebuke t  and  honu  he  dies  of  chagrin. 

f  I  AHE  reader  fhould  have  feen  the  confternation 
That  rofe  in  Jobs's  habitation, 

Becaufe  the  Examen  did  not  tranfpire 
Entirely  in  accordance  with  the  general  defire. 

2.  But  what  then  did  Hieronimus's  father  ? 

Dear  reader !  pray  afk  me,  what  didn't  he  do  rather  ? 
He  feized  Hieronimus  by  the  nape 
Of  the  neck,  and  faid  to  him,  "  Thou  fcape- 

3.  "  grace  !  is't  for  this  I  fuch  kindnefs  have  done  thee 
And  lavifhed  whole  handfulls  of  money  upon  thee, 

'Till  I  almoft  myfelf  a  poor  man  became, 
To  reap  only  mortification  and  fhame  ? 

4.  "  Had'ft  thou  but  ftudied  with  application 

And  behaved  in  a  manner  worthy  of  approbation, 
Thou  wouldft  without  doubt  at  this  time  be 
A  Candidatus  Minifterii. 

5.  "  And  wouldft  get  a  parifh  foon  and  be  famous; 
But  now  thou  art  only  an  ignoramus, 

Who  nothing  of  theology  knows, 
And  all  his  life  long  breadlefs  goes. 


9*  The  Life,  Opinions^  Actions  and  Fate 

6.  "  Thy  mother  and  I  were  often  exprefling 

Our  hopes  that  thou  wouldft  be  one  day  a  blefling 
To  our  old  age,  but  oh,  what  a  cufs 
Thou  haft  proved,  thou  vile  Hieronimus ! 

7.  "  All  that  thou  ufedft  to  write  of  thy  doing, 
How  many  ftudies  thou  waft  purfuing, 

And  that  none  in  diligence  equalled  thee, — 
Was  a  pack  of  lies,  as  I  now  can  fee. 

8.  "  And  all  that  was  faid  of  thy  privatifiimo 
And  about  the  ten  hours  in  collegio, 

How  kind  the  profeflbrs  were  to  thee, 
And  thy  folitary  drinking  of  tea  j 

9.  "  Item,  of  all  the  various  learning 

With  which  thy  head  was  in  danger  of  turning, 
And  thy  meditation  late  at  night, 
And  of  other  fimilar  things  a  fight  j 

10.  "And  about  thy  ftomach  becoming  fo  feeble 
By  bending  over  the  ftudy  table, 

The  whole  of  it,  as  I  now  find, 
Was  nothing  at  all  but  lies  and  wind. 

11.  "Oh  that  I  only  had  liftened  in  feafon 
To  our  good  Rector's  counfel  and  reafon, 

Who  very  clearly  intimated  to  me, 

That  nothing  good  could  be  made  of  thee. 

12.  "Then  had  been  fpared  a  vaft  deal  of  money 
And  many  a  good  round  patrimony, 

Which  thou,  good-for-nothing  fcoundrel,  I  fay, 
At  the  univerfity  haft  tippled  away  !" 


Of  Hler animus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  93 

13.  Such,  as  the  fon  flood  trembling  before  him, 
Was  the  fermon  with  which  old  Jobs  did  fcore  him, 

In  fact  his  anger  had  rifen  fo  quick 
That  at  firft  he  came  near  ufing  the  flick. 

14.  Meanwhile  as  fcolding  and  getting  furious 
Is  generally  to  health  injurious, 

As  might  be  imagined  very  well, 
The  good  old  man  into  a  fever  fell. 

15.  In  his  well  days,  when  younger  and  tougher, 
Severe  attacks  of  gout  he  would  fuffer, 

His  Counfellor's  office,  good  living  and  ease 
Predifpofed  him  to  this  difeafe. 

1 6.  But  now  all  at  once  his  pains  forfook  him, 
And  in  the  heart  the  Podagra  took  him, 

And  after  four-and-twenty  hours 

He  emigrated  from  this  world  of  ours. 

1 7.  No  end  was  there  now  to  the  grieving  and  groaning, 
The  houfe  all  wringing  their  hands  and  moaning, 

And  even  Hieronimus's  grief 
Hardly  admitted  any  relief. 

1 8.  The  reader,  I  fear,  would  foon  be  yawning, 
If  I  mould  defcribe  thefe  fcenes  of  mourning 

Any  farther,  I  therefore  ceafe 

And  leave  poor  old  Senator  Jobs  in  peace. 


94  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

Ho<w  Hieronimus  almojl  became  Tutor  to  a  young  Baron. 

A  LTHOUGH  a  fortnight  had  now  expired 
Since  Senator  Jobs  to  his  reft  retired, 
The  thought  of  the  widow  Jobs  ftill  ran 
At  times  on  her  dear  departed  man. 

2.  Hieronimus  meanwhile  took  his  fodder 
Up  to  this  time  at  the  houfe  of  his  mother, 

And  would  gladly  in  fuch  idlenefs 
Have  parted  his  entire  life,  I  guefs  } 

3.  Had  he  not  received  a  propofition 

To  look  about  for  a  change  in  condition, 
Whereby  he  might,  in  the  time  to  come, 
Get  his  living  more  properly  than  at  home. 

4.  For  it  was  all  over  with  the  expectation 
Of  getting,  as  parfon,  a  fituation, 

So  foon  as  this  moft  heinous  dunce 

Had  preached  in  each  village  his  fermon  once 

5.  Since  now  many  men  of  great  importance 
Began  as  tutors  to  make  their  fortunes, 

It  entered  into  Hieronimus's  view 
That  he  would  be  tutor  fomewhere,  too. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  95 

6.  And  fortune  feemed  not  unpropitious 
To  Hieronimus's  wifties, 

For  about  two  months  from  that  time  or  three 
He  heard  of  a  fine  opportunity. 

7.  For  a  neighboring  nobleman,  (here  namelefs) 
Advertifed  for  a  tutor  of  character  blamelefs, 

Who  for  low  board  and  8  guilders  mould  come 
And  teach  the  young  baron,  his  only  fon. 

8.  Religion,  morality,  five  kinds  of  languages 
Reading  and  writing  and  fuch  like  appendages, 

Philofophy,  phyfic,  geography, 
Arithmetic,  hiftory,  poetry. 

9.  Drawing  and  dancing  and  riding  and  fencing 
And  other  accomplifhments  needlefs  to  mention, 

Thefe  were  the  branches,  every  one 

To  be  taught  for  8  guilders  to  the  baron's  fon. 

10.  The  Candidate  Hieronimus  was  defired 
To  call  on  his  grace,  who  at  once  inquired, 

Whether  the  faid  Hieronimus  was  the  one 
Who  for  eight  guilders  would  teach  his  fon  ? 

11.  Hieronimus  made  anfwer :  "Gracious 
"  Sir,  it  is  exceedingly  vexatious 

To  be  a  tutor,  and  eight  guilders  would  be 
In  my  opinion  quite  a  fmall  fee } 

i  a.  "  However  to  do  your  grace  a  pleafure, 
I  will  at  once  fall  in  with  the  meafure, 
And  fee  forthwith  what  can  be  done, 
In  the  way  of  inftru&ing  the  baron  your  fon." 


96  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

13.  And  fo  was  completed  the  negotiation, 
When,  contrary  to  all  expe&ation, 

One  little  difficulty  occurred, 
Which  may  be  ftated  in  a  word : 

14.  Whether  Hieronimus  in  the  things  defired, 
Could  undergo  the  examination  required, 

Which  he  would  be  obliged  to  teach  every  one, 
To  the  young  baron,  the  nobleman's  fon  ? 

15.  But  it  foon  appeared  indifputable, 
That  Hieronimus  was  not  able 

Himfelf,  to  underftand  a  fingle  one 

Of  the  things  he  was  to  teach  the  nobleman's  fon. 

1 6.  He  therefore  received  a  quiet  difmiffion 

And  jogged  home  again  in  an  unpleafant  condition 
Of  mind,  and  vented  his  curfes  upon 
The  tutorfhip  and  the  nobleman's  fon. 

17.  His  grace  now  right  and  left  inquired 
Whether  another  could  poffibly  be  hired, 

Who  for  the  fum  of  eight  guilders  would  come 
And  teach  the  young  baron,  his  only  fon. 

1 8.  Whether  he  has  found  it  in  his  power 
To  obtain  fuch  a  perfon  up  to  this  houi 

For  eight  guilders,  I  never  could  learn, 

In  facl  it's  a  thing  wherewith  I've  no  concern. 


Of  Hier animus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  97 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

How  Hieronimus  became  domejlic  scribe  to  an  old  gentle- 
many  ivho  had  a  chambermaid,  named  Amelia  ,•  and 
ho<w  he  behaved  himself  <vu  ell  till  the  following  chap 
ter. 

* 

A  MONO  all  the  fundry  and  manifold  ftations 
^      Of  thole  who  dwell  in  thefe  earthly  habitations, 
Without  any  doubt  we  may  fafely  call 
The  widow's  eftate  the  faddeft  of  all. 

2.  When  the  man,  as  the  head  of  the  woman,  is  taken 
Away,  the  whole  body  appears  forfaken 

By  its  natural  proteftor  quite, 

And  nothing  in  the  houfe  goes  right. 

3.  The  family  is  ftraitened  and  harafled, 

The  houfehold  economy  greatly  embarafled, 
And  all  is  care  and  forrow  below 
And  earth  becomes  a  vale  of  woe. 

4.  Poor  Mrs.  Jobs,  alas !  was  fated 
To  experience  the  truth  juft  ftated, 

For  all  went  crab-wife  in  the  houfe 

And  me  became  as  poor  as  a  church  moufe. 


98  The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

5.  Of  courfe  Hieronlmus  made  his  contribution 
To  the  general  flock  of  deftitution, 

For  he  lived  as  gentlemen  of  leifure  do, 
Ate  well  and  drank  ftill  better,  too. 

6.  Meanwhile  fuch  houfekeeping  every  hour 

To  the  worthy  widow  grew  more  and  more  four, 
And  no  one  feature  in  it  was  wufs 
Than  the  board  of  Hieronimus. 

7.  His  own  conviftion  grew  daily  ftronger, 
That  things  could  not  go  on  fo  much  longer, 

And  he  therefore  began  to  look  round 

To  fee  if  another  opportunity  could  not  be  found. 

8.  As,  now,  in  general,  the  rogues  and  the  dunces 
Find  in  this  world  the  very  beft  chances, 

It  happened  that  an  opening  offered  again 
For  Hieronimus  with  a  nobleman. 

9.  This  gentleman  lived  on  his  plantation 
In  a  quiet  and  retired  iituation, 

And  there,  as  a  genteel  cavalier 
Spent  his  large  income  with  plaiftr. 

10.  He  is  mentioned,  in  his  youth,  as  engaging 

In  the  feven  years'  war  which  then  was  waging, 
But  he  (laid  in  garrifon  moftly,  it  is  fuppofed, 
And  his  perfon  was  very  little  expofed. 

1 1 .  But  he  was  very  glad  when  the  war  was  over, 
Being  of  peace  an  exceeding  lover, 

In  fail,  as  a  brave  man  and  wife  one,  too, 
He  anticipated  it,  and  withdrew. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  99 

I  a.  And  yet  he  loved  to  dwell  on  the  ftory 

Of  the  battles  that  had  covered  him  with  glory, 
And  how  when  once  he  had  bravely  fought 
In  the  retreat  he  was  almoft  caught. 

13.  For  the  reft  he  was  a  man  of  fportive  habits, 
Shot  occafionally  hares  and  rabbits, 

Drank  at  dinner  Burgundy  of  his  own, 
And  lived  without  any  wife  alone. 

14.  He  was,  in  fo  far,  an  old  bachelor  5  however 
He  had  in  the  place  of  a  wife  a  clever 

Chambermaid,  who  early  and  late 
On  his  urgent  neceflities  did  wait. 

15.  He  had  gradually  as  he  felt  himfelf  growing  older, 
Slipped  all  care  of  bufinefs  off  his  moulder, 

But  he  had  of  fervant  men  a  pair 
Who  of  all  things  took  faithful  care. 

1 6.  The  one  of  them  was  a  fly  old  foxy, 
Steward  of  the  houfe  and  general  proxy, 

And  the  other  Mr.  Servant,  he 
Was  one  they  called  a  fecretary. 

17.  The  fteward  at  the  time  of  which  we're  fpeaking, 
Still  lived  and  found  in  his  office  good  picking, 

For  he  took  good  care  of  cheft  and  fhelf, 
Thought  lefs  of  his  mafter  and  more  of  himfelf. 

18.  But  the  above  mentioned  fecretary 
They  had  had,  fome  days  before,  to  bury, 

Becaufe  he  was  dead,  which  caufed  there  to  be 
In  this  weighty  office  a  vacancy. 


ioo          The-  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

19.  Now  the  fteward  aforefaid  had  long  been  acquainted 
With  Hieronimus's  parents,  and  therefore  painted, 

As  a  true  and  accommodating  man, 
Hieronimus  in  the  beft  colors  he  can. 

20.  And  very  earneftly  recommended  him, 
And  fhortly  in  perfona  prefented  him 

To  the  damfel  and  the  old  gentleman,  too, 
As  the  moft  capable  fecretary  he  knew. 

21.  The  chambermaid  found  his  perfon  quite  ftriking, 
And  took  to  him  confiderable  liking, 

She  therefore  promifed,  faithful  and  true, 

To  fpeak  the  beft  word  for  him  that  me  knew. 

22.  The  moment  me  faw  him  me  liked  him  very 
Much  better  than  the  previous  fecretary  j 

For  Hieronimus  was  tall  and  ftrong, 
But  his  predeceflbr  was  lean  and  long. 

23.  Since  now,  the  old  gentleman, as  we  made  mention, 
Honored  the  damfel  with  his  principal  attention, 

He  with  favour  her  application  heard, 
And  gave  Hieronimus  a  nobleman's  word. 

2^    And  further  to  mow  him  the  greater  honour, 
He  invited  him  the  firft  day  to  dinner, 

And  then  the  old  gent,  when  dinner  was  done, 
Said  to  him  in  a  friendly  tone : 

25.   His  duty  would  confift  in  attending 

To  the  live  ftock  and  feeing  what  wanted  mending, 
And  whatever  was  to  be  written,  he 
Would  write  as  private  fecretary. 


Of  Hieronimus  yobs,  the  Candidate.          i  o  i 

26.  And  if  now  this  official  duty 
Hieronimus  did  faithfully  execute,  he 

Would  pay  him,  as  a  falary, 
Forty  rix-dollars  annually. 

27.  "  If  you  like  thefe  conditions  (faid  he,)  you  can  tarry 
With  mefub  titulo  houfe-fecretary, 

And  I  alfo  promife  you,  if  true, 
Many  additional  perquifites,  too  ; 

28.  "  But  never  go  hazing,  now  remember, 

With  the  damfel  that  takes  charge  of  the  chamber 
For  fuch  proceedings  will  bring  you  into  difgrace, 
I  tell  you  dryly  to  your  face. 

29.  "  The  late,  deceafed  houfe-fecretary, 

Was  fond  of  damfels  and  young  women  very, 
And  I  was  very  much  mortified  to  find 
That  he  to  my  maid  was  fecretly  inclined. 

30.  "  I  mould,  therefore,  at  once  have  caftiiered  him 
And  without  ceremony  cleared  him 

Out,  but  I  faw  he  was  weak  and  flim, 
And  fo  overlooked  the  fault  in  him. 

31.  "  The  girl,  in  truth,  is  fly  and  witty, 
But  fomewhat  deceitful,  more's  the  pity, 

And  indeed  I  have  often  fufpected  that  me 
Was  given  to  all  forts  of  monkery. 

32.  "I  accidentally  fell  in  with  her 

Five  years  ago,  as  we  journeyed  together  ; 
I  was  pleafed  with  the  manner  of  the  jade, 
And  fo  I  took  her  for  my  maid. 

9* 


iO2          The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

33.  "  For  the  reft,  without  a  fmgle  queftion, 
You  will  hear  now  my  concluding  fuggeftion ; 

For  I  tell  you  finally  once  for  all, 

Have  nothing  to  do  with  Amelia  at  all !  " 

34.  Hieronimus  muft  have  been  half-witted, 

Had  he  not  on  the  conditions  above  fubmitted, 
Accepted  very  willingly 
The  part  of  private  fecretary. 

35.  He  therefore  entered  on  his  office  right  gaily, 
And  faw  to  the  cows  and  the  fences  daily, 

And  many  notes  he  daily  took 

And  wrote  in  the  memorandum  book. 

36.  For  example:  packets  that  came  by  the  ftages, 
Money  paid  out  for  servants'  wages, 

The  hares  that  were  mot  and  the  turkey  cocks, 
And  when  they  picked  the  old  gentleman's  locks. 

37.  Or  what  the  houfe  advocate  got  for  his  pleadings, 
Or  the  judge  obtained  by  extra  proceedings, 

Or  what  amount  at  the  market  was  paid 
For  butter  and  cheefe  in  lawful  trade. 

38.  Or  what  Amelia's  drefles  coft  to  cut  'em, 
Or  lengthen  'em  out  at  the  top  and  bottom, 

Or  widen,  'em  an  inch  and  a-half, 
Or  when  the  cow  had  had  a  calf. 

39.  Or  when  the  worthy  damfel  had  needed 
On  account  of  fever  to  be  bleeded, 

Or  a  hen  had  laid  an  egg ;  in  fhort, 
All  incomes  and  outgoes  of  every  fort. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          103 

40.  And  where  any  letters  needed  inditing, 

The  old  gentleman,  who  was  no  hand  at  writing, 
Threw  all  upon  Hieronimus, 
Who  managed  it  all  without  any  fufs. 

41.  With  the  help  of  Talander  he  wrote  them  fafter 
And  quicker  by  far  than  any  fchoolmafter, 

(And  fpent  lefs  time  about  them  too) 
Than  any  fchoolmafter  I  ever  knew. 

42.  The  reft  of  the  time  he  fpent  at  his  leifure, 
Ate  and  drank  and  flept  at  pleafure, 

So  that  he  hoped  he  mould  never  give  up, 
As  long  as  he  lived,  this  fecretaryftiip. 

NOTE. 

Stanza  41.  Talander  was  probably  fome  well-known 
author  of  a  "Letter-writer."  The  original  fimply  mentions 
his  Brief/teller. 


104         fhe  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Honu  curious  things  befel  the  Secretary  Hieronimus,  and 
he  'was  driven  away. 

INDULGENT  reader!  our  old  forefathers 
Were  furely  not  dunces  above  all  others, 
Far  oftener  will  it  rather  be  found 
That  they  had  notions  both  wife  and  found. 

2.  And  many  a  time  we  find  them  giving 
To  us  their  pofterity  rules  of  good  living, 

And  proverbs  full  of  excellent  fluff, 
Which  prove  their  wifdom  plainly  enough. 

3.  There  is  one  old  proverb  much  celebrated, 
And  in  all  countries  circulated, 

Of  which  the  truth  and  certainty  lies, 
Every  day,  before  everybody's  eyes. 

4.  Namely :  "  whoever  can  bear  in  fucceffion 
A  long  unbroken  continuation 

Of  nothing  but  profperous  days,  the  fame 
Muft  be  gifted  with  a  very  ftrong  frame." 

5.  The  truth  of  this  old  proverb,  thus  early, 
Will  in  the  prefent  chapter  clearly 

Make  itfelf  manifeft  to  us 
In  the  cafe  of  Hieronimus. 


Of  Hieronimtts  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          105 

6.  He  lived  like  a  prince,  as  much  a  ftranger 
To  want,  as  a  rat  in  a  well  filled  manger, 

Went  early  to  bed  and  flowly  crept 

From  the  feathers  on  which  he  fo  cofily  flept. 

7.  There  was  nothing  in  fact  to  his  comfort  wanting  j 
Only  one  thing  his  mind  would  be  haunting, — 

The  image  of  the  damfel  always  was  nigh, 
Whom  he  daily  ogled  with  loving  eye. 

8.  And  in  her  looks  and  her  whole  expreffion 
He  thought  he  was  able  to  read  a  confeffion 

That  me  with  him,  the  fecretary, 
Was  in  love,  likewife,  mortally. 

9.  And  often,  too,  when  he  looked  more  nearly 
Into  her  face  and  ftudied  it  clearly, 

It  always  feemed  to  him  more  and  more] 
As  if  he  had  feen  her  fomewhere  before. 

jo.  Defpite  the  old  gentleman's  prohibition, 
He  ventured  now  on  a  declaration, 

And  foon  the  knot  of  intimacy  was  tied 

As  clofe  as  if  they  were  bridegroom  and  bride. 

11.  But,  in  the  old  gentleman's  prefence,  he  never 
Seemed  to  take  any  notice  of  her  whatever} 

And  very  great  care  he  always  took 
Not  to  excite  fufpicion  even  by  a  look. 

12.  Neverthelefs,  when  alone  together 

They  had  many  fly  jokes  with  one  another, 
And  there  parted  not  feldom  a  friendly  bufs 
'Twixt  Amelia  and  Hieronimus. 


io6         The  Life,  Opinions t  Actions  and  Fate 

13.  That  me  meanwhile  the  old  gentleman  flattered 
Before  his  face,  it  nothing  mattered 

To  the  fecretary,  who  held  her  free 
For  all  this  empty  flattery. 

14.  In  return  for  all  his  friendly  attention 

She  gave  him  gifts  too  numerous  to  mention, 
Shirts  and  handkerchiefs,  gloves  and  rings, 
Caps  and  cravats  and  all  forts  of  things. 

15.  Once,  on  a  time,  when  he  had  occafion 
In  his  regular  official  vocation, 

Some  writing  for  her  to  defpatch, 
She  handed  him  a  firft-rate  watch. 

1 6.  He  thanked  her  for  it  very  fincerely, 

But  when  in  his  hand  he  held  it  more  nearly, 
He  cried :  "  Potz  taufend  Element !  I'm  fure, 
I  muft  have  feen  this  watch  before ! " 

17.  Amelia  was  ftartled  beyond  expreflion, 
But  made  forthwith  a  candid  confeffion, 

That  the  watch  in  queftion,  as  a  prefent,  fhe 
Had  received  from  a  ftudent  formerly. 

1 8.  "  How  things  do  often  happen  queerly, 
We  fee  in  this  inftance  very  clearly," 

Replied  Hieronimus  ;  "  for  certainly 
That  ftudent  you  before  you  fee." 

19.  And  fo  they  both  now  calculated 

That  five  years  back  their  acquaintance  dated, 
And  the  watch  that  was  ftolen  fo  long  before 
The  damfel  made  a  joke  of, no  more. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          107 

20.  And  both  of  them  now  made  themfelves  merry, 
And  thought  the  joke  was  comical  very, 

That,  after  travelling  fo  far  round, 

The  watch  mould  in  the  right  hands  be  found, 

21.  For  the  reft  there  was  nothing  very  furprifmg 
In  the  chambermaid's  not  recognizing 

In  the  fecretary  and  candidate, 

The  ftudent  me  met  in  that  difmal  ftate. 

22.  This  laughable  affair,  however, 

Made  them  henceforth  better  friends  than  evei, 
And  the  flirtation  they  carried  on 
Made  a  perfe6l  fool  of  the  old  gentleman. 

23.  Their  intercourfe,  in  its  familiarity, 
Soon  took  on  an  air  of  bold  hilarity, 

Till  their  courting  and  coquetting  came  to  be 
Almoft  undifguisedly  free. 

24.  If  the  damfel  in  cellar  or  garden  was  working, 
Mr.  Secretary  near  fomewhere  was  lurking, 

In  kitchen  and  chamber  and  all  about 
He  ftill  tagged  after  her  in-doors  and  out. 

25.  And  even  at  night,  when  me  was  not  faffing 
About  the  old  man,  (for  he  needed  much  nurfing), 

Hieronimus  fometimes  went 
On  a  vifit  to  her  apartment. 

26.  Alfo,  in  writing  and  noting,  to  guide  him 
Amelia  conftantly  fat  befide  him, 

In  faft,  whether  fitting  or  (landing,  me 
Was  at  his  fide  incefTantly. 


io8         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

27.  With  many  a  tit-bit  of  dainty  favour 

From  the  old  man's  table  fhe  did  him  favour, 
And  was  there  calve's-head  or  the  like  of  that, 
He  always  got  the  marrow  and  fat. 

28.  And  fometimes  fhe  would  bring  him,  on  Sunday, 
Privately,  from  the  cellar,  a  flafk  of  Burgundy, 

Which  Hieronimus  would  drink 

At  a  couple  of  fwigs,  and  never  wink. 

29.  Thus  did  the  days  of  the  houfe  fecretary, 
Hieronimus,  glide  away,  quite  merry, 

No  reverend  prelate  could  poflibly 
Lead  a  more  jolly  life  than  he. 

30.  But  it  foon  appeared  that  this  fituation 
Of  things  could  not  be  of  long  duration, 

For  gradually  the  tranfa&ion  began 

To  grow  more  clear  to  the  old  gentleman. 

31.  And  inftead  of  laughing,  in  fuch  cafes, 
He  now  began  to  make  four  faces, 

And  he  gave  them  to  understand  clearly  enough, 
That  he  would  not  have  any  more  of  this  fluff. 

32.  And  he  added,  in  a  manner  not  very- 
Gentle,  to  Mr.  Secretary, 

If  he  did  not  all  intercourfe  with  Amelia  quit, 
His  walking-ticket  he  foon  would  get. 

33.  Hieronimus  aflured  him  on  his  honour, 

He  had  not  behaved  improperly  in  any  manner, 
And  he  would  not,  if  his  Highnefs  preferred, 
Exchange  with  Amelia  another  word. 


Of  Hieronifnus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          109 

34.  "  Well!  in  that  cafe,  you  may  tarry 
As  long  as  you  pleafe,  and  be  fecretary 

All  your  life  to  me,"  replied 

The  old  gentleman,  fomewhat  mollified. 

35.  Although  now,  from  this  time  Hieronimus 
Carried  on  his  tricks  as  flyly  as  any  moufe, 

With  the  damfel,  by  day  and  night, 
And  did  more  diligently  than  ever  write  j 

36.  Neverthelefs,  not  many  days  after, 
Occurred  an  adventure  too  ferious  for  laughter, 

When  the  old  gentleman  who,  it  feems, 
Was  troubled  with  uncomfortable  dreams, 

37.  Rofe  and  went  up,  as  was  his  cuftom, 
To  call  Amelia  who  nurfed  him, 

That  the  damfel  by  her  friendlinefs 
Might  drive  away  his  fleepleflhefs, 

38.  Lo  and  behold  !  a  mighty  wonder ! 
For  there,  by  fome  unexpected  blunder, 

Whom  mould  he,  to  his  amazement,  fee, 
But  Hieronimus,  the  fecretary  ! 

39.  Himmel!  taufend  Element!  potz  donner ! 

The  old  gentleman  fwore  in  fome  fuch  manner, 
And  from  the  houfe,  the  felf  fame  night, 
Hieronimus  was  forced  to  take  flight. 

40.  No  begging  nor  praying  the  matter  mended  j 
The  thing  was  done  and  there  it  ended, 

And  the  old  man's  wrath  was  fuch  that  the  maid 

Began  herfelf  to  be  afraid. 
10 


no         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

41.  Her  cunning  flatteries,  however, 

Did  once  again  for  this  time  fave  her, 
But  the  unlucky  candidate 
Was  paft  all  help,  'twas  now  too  late. 

NOTE. 

Stanza  18.     The  reader  is  requefted  to  obferve  that  in  the 
firft  line  hoiv  qualifies  queerly. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          j  1 1 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

How  Hieronimus  entered  into  thefervice  of  a  pious  lady, 
who  fwas  afp iritual  Jtfter,  and  had  unworthy  dejigns 
upon  him,  and  Aofw  he  ran  anvayfrom  her. 

'  I^HE  fhirts,  rings  and  other  paraphernalia 

Which  Hieronimus  had  received  from  Amelia 
Served  for  fome  time  to  keep  him  free 
From  the  actual  clutches  of  poverty. 

2.  But  when,  at  laft,  he  had  fold  and  fquandered 
All  the  good  damfel  had  to  him  tendered, 

Nolens  volens,  now  muft  he, 

To  efcape  from  hunger  and  mifery, 

3.  And  not  to  die  of  abfolute  ftarvation, 
Begin  to  look  round  for  a  new  occupation, 

And  his  firft  thought,  of  courfe,  was  to  try  to  find 
Some  place  of  fervice  to  fuit  his  mind. 

4.  Now,  at  a  folitary  caftle  there  refided 
A  widowed  lady  who  was  a  decided 

Spiritual  fifter,  as  we  fay, 

She  was  old  and  her  hair  already  gray. 


H2         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  fate 

5.  To  praying  and  fmging  fhe  therefore  had  taken 
And  other  things  which  as  fpiritual  we  reckon, 

And  fo  a  number  of  years  had  fpent 
And  gained  the  name  of  a  very  great  faint. 

6.  Not  the  leaft  fhadow  of  fin  could  venture 
Among  her  little  houfehold  to  enter, 

She  called  them  together  twice  a  day 
Into  her  parlor  to  fing  and  pray. 

7.  She  punifhed  them  for  the  fmalleft  violations 
Of  duty  by  amiably  ftinting  their  rations, 

She  thought  much  of  fafts  and  pfalmody 
And  a  glafs  of  brandy  occafionally. 

8.  At  the  fame  time,  and  with  reafon,  thinking 
That  focial  was  better  than  folitary  drinking, 

And  alfo  that  in  society 

One  could  fing  with  greater  energy, 

9.  She  had  for  fome  time  been  defiring, 
And  all  the  country  round  inquiring, 

To  find  fome  holy  man,  that  he 
Might  give  her  his  fpiritual  company. 

10.  Already  had  many  a  godly  loafer 
Prefented  himfelf  and  made  his  offer, 
To  live  with  her  and  praife  and  pray 
In  the  moft  approved  and  orthodox  way. 

xi.  But  no  one  as  yet  had  had  attraftion 
Enough  to  give  her  fatisfa&ion, 

For  this  one  feemed  to  her  too  old, 

The  other  by  far  too  young,  he  was  told  j 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          1 1 3 

12.  One  was  too  meagre,  another  too  weakly, 
One  was  a  cripple  or  otherwife  fickly, 

Another  was  deaf  or  dumb  or  blind, 
Another  a  worlding,  not  at  all  to  her  mind. 

13.  Hieronimus  finally  ventured  therefore 
His  fervices  to  the  dame  to  offer, 

As  fpiritual  afliftant,  and  lo  and  behold ! 
So  foon  as  me  faw  him,  his  fortune  was  told. 

14.  For  he  was  neither  meagre  nor  weakly, 
Deaf  nor  dumb  nor  blind  nor  fickly, 

Neither  too  young  nor  yet  too  old, 

And  his  perfon  was  not  uncomely  to  behold. 

15.  His  femi-clerical  peruke  and  garment 
Took  the  old  lady's  eye  in  a  moment, 

And  he  aflured  her  faithfully 

That  he  was  no  worlding,  no,  not  he. 

1 6.  And  fo  me  gave  him  an  invitation 
To  make  to-day  his  firft  probation, 

And  he  joined  with  real,  holy  glee 
The  pious  pfalmody  after  tea. 

17.  He  alfo  read  with  edification 

A  family  fermon  to  the  congregation, 

And  officiated  throughout  with  fuch  grace, 
That  the  dame  commended  him  to  his  face. 

1 8.  Her  fpiritual  zeal  grew  daily  more  fervent 
Through  the  labors  of  this  her  godly  fervant, 

And  every  day  a  holier  flame 

Burned  in  her  fpiritual  frame. 
10* 


ii4          The  Lifey  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

19.  She  kept  the  pious  young  man  befide  her 
In  all  her  actions  to  counfel  and  guide  her, 

And  thus  Hieronimus  foon  became 
A  very  great  favorite  of  the  dame. 

20.  If,  once  in  a  while,  fome  deviation 
Occurred,  unworthy  of  his  vocation, 

She  overlooked  fuch  things  and  would  call 
Them  human  frailties — that  was  all. 

21.  She  would  alfo  grant  him  difpenfations 
From  the  penalties  fixed  for  fuch  occafions, 

And  at  fuch  times  the  daintieft  fare 
By  way  of  folace,  fell  to  his  mare. 

22.  Champagne  and  chocolate  and  coffee, 
And  almond  milk  and  fuch  rich  fluff,  he 

Got  for  his  beverage  every  day, 
And  lived  in  an  extra-luxurious  way. 

23.  He  found,  in  a  word,  a  high  enjoyment 
In  purfuing  fuch  a  holy  employment, — 

Eating  and  drinking  all  day  long, 
With,  occafionally,  a  fermon  or  fong. 

24.  The  worft  thing  was  that  the  pious  matron 
Kept  him  tied  to  the  firings  of  her  apron, 

For  me  really  feemed  to  think  that  he 
Was  the  beau  ideal  of  piety. 

25.  And  when  on  the  fofa  he  fate  befide  her, 
And  read  fome  book  that  edified  her, 

She  would  ftroke  her  pious  fheep  and  fay : 
Bravo  !  in  a  very  rapturous  way. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          115 

a6.  And  when  they  fang  a  holy  meafure 

Together,  me  could  not  contain  her  pleafure, 
She  would  throw  her  arm  around  his  neck, 
And  fmg,  as  if  her  heart  would  break. 

27.  This  very  familiar  ftyle  of  a£Hon, 
At  laft  revealed  the  whole  tranfaftion 

To  Hieronimus,  that  the  old  dame 

At  fomething  more  than  finging  did  aim. 

28.  With  fuch  a  weighty  difcovery  before  him, 
A  violent  fit  of  alarm  came  o'er  him, 

And  when  on  the  mighty  danger  he  thought 
He  was  almoft  paralyfed  on  the  fpot. 

29.  When  once  recovered  from  his  confternation, 
He  thought,  with  many  a  tender  fenfation, 

Of  the  blifs  he  had  tafted  formerly 
In  the  fair  Amelia's  company. 

30.  She  was  young  and  faultlefs  and  charming, 
This  one,  on  the  contrary,  almoft  alarming, 

Gray  and  toothlefs  and  yellow  of  fkin, 
Lean  and  haggard  and  ugly  as  fin. 

31.  He  mould,  perhaps,  have  tutored  his  fancies 
And,  adapted  himfelf  to  circumftances, 

And,  blinking  at  all  her  foibles  and  flaws, 
Taken  the  old  lady  as  fhe  was; 

32.  But  this  did  not  fuit  his  difpofition, 

So  he  came  away  without  aflcing  difmiffion, 
And  left  the  old  lady  alone,  alas  ! 
With  her  hymn-book  and  her  brandy-glafs. 


Ii6         'The  Lifey  Opinions  >  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

How  Hieronimus  had  a  bad  and  a  good  adventure,  and 
howy  for  once  in  bis  life,  he  achieved  a  wife  aftion. 

TLJIERONIMUS,  before  he  decided 

To  leave  the  old  widow,  had  provided 
A  bag  of  money,  deducting  the  fame 
From  the  private  treafury  of  the  dame. 

2.  For  he  argued  that  all  his  fmging  and  praying, 
And  holy  things  in  fermons  faying, 

And  receiving  the  old  lady's  carelTes,  too, 
Made  a  fair  compenfation  no  more  than  his  due. 

3.  And  now  with  the  fruits  of  this  handfome  pillage 
He  travelled  about  from  city  to  village, 

And  as  in  this  way  he  wandered  round 
Full  many  a  jolly  landlord  he  found. 

4.  And  when  he  found  in  one  place  or  another 
Fine  quarters  and  fometimes  a  merry  brother, 

Or  a  hoftefs  agreeable  in  her  ways, 
He  commonly  tarried  feveral  days. 

5.  It  happened,  however,  on  one  occafion, 
That  as  he  thus  wandered  for  recreation, 

Juft  as  the  (hades  of  eveni-ng  fell 
He  flopped  at  quite  a  large  hotel. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          1 1 7 

6.  It  was  the  beft  tavern  in  all  Swabia, 

No  better  could  be  found  in  the  wilds  of  Arabia ; 
The  hoft  was  an  honeft  man  in  his  talk 
And  loved  to  write  with  double  chalk. 

7.  Now  that  fame  day,  it  did  befal  fo, 

That  two  ftrange  guefts  had  arrived  there  alfo, 
Who,  Hieronimus  did  guefs, 
Were  travelling  merchants,  by  their  drefs. 

8.  In  one  of  them,  at  the  very  firft  entrance, 

He  would  almoft  have  feen  an  old  acquaintance, 
Had  not  a  great  plafter  on  the  place, 
Disguifed  about  one-half  of  his  face. 

9.  Meanwhile  the  two  gentlemen  grew  quite  merry, 
And  invited  Hieronimus  to  partake  of  their  merry, 

And  very  foon  a  friendmip  grew 
Between  Hieronimus  and  the  two. 

10.  For  the  man  who  had  on  his  face  the  plafter, 
Was,  in  telling  ftories,  a  very  great  mafter, 

Some  he  made  up  and  others  were  truej 
Hieronimus  laughed  till  he  was  almoft  blue. 

11.  Hieronimus,  in  his  turn,  freely  related 
All  his  adventures  and  communicated 

How  very  near  he  recently  came 

To  being  decoyed  by  a  widowed  dame. 

12.  There  followed,  of  courfe,  a  peal  of  laughter, 
And  Hieronimus,  thereafter, 

Proceeded  to  make  the  ftory  whole 
By  telling  about  the  money  he  ftole. 


u8         The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

13.  Now  when  the  day,  in  a  manner  fo  cheery, 
Had  come  to  a  clofe,  Hieronimus,  weary 

And  drunk  with  wine  and  laughter,  laid 
Good  night  and  ftaggered  off  to  bed. 

14.  But  hardly  had  he  funk  to  (lumber, 

When  the  two  gentlemen  proceeded  to  his  chamber, 
Where  they  ingenioufly  did  hook 
The  money,  and  their  departure  took. 

15.  Hieronimus,  waking  late  in  the  morning, 
And  having  of  mischief  not  the  leaft  warning, 

Found,  as  he  put  his  pantaloons  on 

His  pocket  empty,  the  money-bag  gone. 

1 6.  At  firft  he  could  not  believe  the  tranfa&ion 
A  real  cafe  for  a  legal  aftion, 

He  thought  it  only  a  piece  of  fun 

Which  the  two  merry  merchants  had  done. 

17.  But  when  the  hoft,  interrogated 
Refpefling  them,  communicated 

That  the  two  gentlemen  went  away 
Quickly  at  an  early  hour  of  the  day  ; — 

18.  Then  did  he  begin  to  make  lamentations 
And  outcries  great,  and  his  impatience 

Grew  to  fuch  a  pitch  that  the  hair 

On  his  head  could  be  kept  with  difficulty  there. 

19.  His  crying  and  groaning  in  fuch  a  fafliion, 
Soon  ftirred  the  worthy  hoft  to  compamon, 

Who  agreed  to  take  only  his  coat  in  lieu 
Of  the  money  that  for  board  was  due. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  119 

20.  And  alfo  the  advice  imparted 
That  it  were  well  now,  if  he  ftarted, 

"  For  without  the  ready  cam,"  faid  he, 
"No  ftranger  can  find  quarters  with  me." 

21.  Hieronimus's  example  teaches  how  odd  is, 

In  this  world,  the  caprice  of  the  bandaged  goddess, 
And  how,  in  a  manner  unlocked  for  and  ftrange, 
The  luck  of  mortals  will  often  change. 

22.  Laft  evening  the  thought  of  poverty  fcorning, 
Called  "  Sir"  by  the  landlord,  and  lo !  this  morning, 

By  the  fame  worthy  landlord  hurled 
Coatlefs  and  pennilefs  out  into  the  world. 

23.  He  could  now,  as  he  refumed  his  wandering, 
On  his  fad  eftate  at  leifure  be  pondering, 

And  at  firft  he  almoft  wifhed  himfelf  back 
(At  the  fpiritual  fitter's,  alack!) 

24.  But  when  he  thought  of  her  carefles, 

And  called  up  her  image  in  memory's  recefles, 
Such  a  real  horror  came  over  him  then, 
That  he  did  not  care  to  go  back  again. 

25.  He  had  now,  for  fome  days,  contrived  to  banifh 
His  hunger  with  an  acorn  or  turnip  or  radifh, 

And  like  a  knight  errant  had  managed  to  ftay 
His  nature  in  many  a  pitiful  way. 

26.  But  now,  as  when  the  need  is  higheft, 
The  confolation  is  apt  to  be  nigheft, 

So  was  it  in  poor  Hieronimus's  cafe 
The  help  he  required  was  coming  apace. 


I2O         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

27.  For  as,  on  the  fourth  afternoon,  he  was  lying 
In  a  wood  by  the  roadfide,  he  heard  a  crying 

Very  loud  and  piteous  indeed, 

Which  from  near  by  did  feem  to  proceed. 

28.  He  foon  arrived  at  the  fituation 
Whence  he  had  heard  the  lamentation, 

And  there,  to  his  very  great  furprife, 
A  harrowing  fpectacle  met  his  eyes : 

29.  A  carnage  with  four  horfes  flopping ; 

A  bearded  coachman  powerlefs  dropping ; 
There  a  young  lady,  who  fhrieked  and  cried, 
And  ran  defpairing  from  fide  to  fide. 

30.  And  here  a  richly  drefled  gentleman,  ftriving 
To  keep  off  two  ruffians  who  at  "him  were  driving, 

And  who  were  feeking  with  might  and  main, 
To  give  him  his  quietus,  'twas  plain. 

31.  My  hero  recognized  at  fome  diftance, 

The  quaji  merchants,  his  tavern  acquaintance, 
He  therefore  lifted  his  ftick,  and  flew 
At  once,  like  a  fury,  upon  the  two. 

32.  "  Villains  !  where  is  my  bag  of  money  ?" 
He  cried,  and  darting  upon  one,  he 

Shattered  his  fkull  fo  that  it  couldn't  be  trepanned 
And  ftretched  the  robber  dead  on  the  fand. 

33.  With  equally  vigorous  blows  he  darted 
At  t'other  robber,  who  ftraightway  ftarted, 

Finding  himself  outmatched  in  fight, 
And  proceeded  to  feek  his  fafety  in  flight. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          121 

34.  Hieronimus  would,  without  hefitating, 

Have  chafed  the  highwayman  who  was  retreating, 
But  the  fellow  vanifhed  like  the  wind, 
And  left  Hieronimus  far  behind. 

35.  And  now  I  can  fcarcely  defcribe  the  behaviour 
Of  the  gentleman  and  lady  to  their  faviour, 

When,  the  imminent  peril  being  o'er, 
They  felt  that  they  could  breathe  once  more. 

36.  They  thanked  him,  both  of  them,  very  fincerely, 
And  the  pretty  girl  would  have  kifsed  him  nearly, 

If  (to  fay  the  truth)  me  had  not  feared 
His  unwarned  face  and  his  grifly  beard. 

37.  No  eulogy  can  be  invented 

Which  was  not  by  them  to  him  prefented, 
For  the  dear  Hieronimus,  dirty  and  rough 
Was  their  deliverer,  clearly  enough. 

38.  He  muft  go  home  with  them,  they  infifted, 
With  a  friendlinefs  that  could  not  be  refifted, 

To  their  manor-houfe,  where  he  mould  be 
Richly  rewarded  for  his  chivalry. 

39.  In  his  prefent  impoveriftied  circumftances 
He  received  with  open  arms  thefe  advances, 

And,  without  further  ceremony,  thought  beft 
At  once  to  comply  with  their  requeft. 

40.  Lifting  the  coachman  they  conveyed  him 
To  the  carriage  in  which  they  laid  him, 

And,  donning  the  dead  highwayman's  coat, 
Up  on  the  box  Hieronimus  got. 


122         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

41.  Before,  however,  Hieronimus  mounted, 

He  found,  with  a  pleafure  not  to  be  recounted, 
His  bag  and  almoft  all  the  money,  too, 
In  the  dead  highwayman's  portmanteau. 

42.  But  the  ftrangeft  thing  in  all  the  hiftory 
Was,  touching  the  dead  man's  face,  a  myftery  j 

There  was  no  longer  any  plafter  there, 
And  when  Hieronimus  scanned  it  with  care, 

43.  He  was  not  long  in  taking  knowledge 

Of  a  gentleman  who,  on  his  journey  to  college, 
Once  fwindled  him  by  hook  and  by  crook, 
Herr  von  Hogier  of  the  great  peruke. 

44.  And  fo  this  adventure  terminated 

In  a  way  that  our  hero  greatly  elated, 

He  mounted  the  coach-box  and  off  he  rolled, 
Like  the  knight  of  the  forrowful  figure  of  old. 

45.  And  now  ere  I  bring  this  chapter  to  a  termination, 
I  inform  the  readers  of  the  prefent  narration, 

That  this  deed  is  the  only  honorable  one 
That  Hieronimus  has  hitherto  done. 


Of  Hierommus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          123 


CHAPTER  XXVII. 


Honu  Hierommus  'was  glad  to  get  to  Ohnevuitz,  and  how 
he  became fchoolmafter  there,  in  afchool  of  little  hoys 
and  girls. 


I  HAT  gentleman  and  the  young  lady 
Whom  Hieronimus  refcued,  as  mentioned  already, 
Suftained  the  relation  of  bridegroom  and  bride 
And  the  knot  had  been  very  recently  tied. 


*4         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

z.  The  gentleman  had  in  his  jurisdiction 
Of  caftles  and  villages  quite  a  collection, 
But  the  principal  one  of  his  private  feats 
Was  in  the  fmall  village  of  Ohnewitz. 

3.  To  give  his  lady  a  gratification 

He  often  made  journeys  of  recreation, 
For  on  very  intimate  terms  he  ftood 
With  every  body  in  his  neighborhood. 

4.  He  had  juft  been  to  vifit  a  neighboring  noble 
At  the  time  he  met  the  aforefaid  trouble, 

*Twas  on  his  journey  home  from  the  fame, 
That  the  two  highwaymen  upon  him  came. 

5.  They  immediately  knocked  the  driver  over, 
So  that  they  thought  he  would  never  recover  j 

And  with  violence  then  demanded  next, 
His  money  and  other  perfonal  effects. 

6.  They  alfo  from  the  carriage  hauled  him, 

And  would  to  death  have  probably  mauled  him, 
When,  at  the  fhrieks  of  the  agonized  dame, 
Hieronimus,  as  we  faid,  to  the  refcue  came. 

7.  They  related,  on  the  way,  this  ftory 
To  their  deliverer,  who  in  his  glory 

Drove  away  as  merrily  now 

As  the  recent  terror  would  allow. 

8.  Hieronimus  likewife  recounted 

How  he  by  the  fates  had  been  thus  far  tormented, 
And  as,  in  this  way  time,  quickly  flits, 
They  came,  like  lightning,  to  Ohnewitz. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          125 

9.  Here  they  foon  forgot  all  forrow, 

And  lived  without  a  thought  of  the  morrow, 
And  made  all  forts  of  friendly  fufs 
In  honor  to  Hieronimus. 

10.  New  clothes,  wine,  tobacco  and  coftly  diflies, 
Calculated  to  gratify  the  moft  faftidious  wilhes, 

Were  furnifhed,  enough  and  fuperfluous, 
At  the  fervice  of  Hieronimus. 

11.  After  feveral  weeks  had  been  fpent  in  this  manner, 
The  gentleman  did  Hieronimus  the  honour, 

To  promife  that  he,  for  his  future  fupport, 
Would  make  provifion  in  the  very  belt  fort. 

12.  Now  juft  at  this  time  an  event  tranfpired, 
Juft  what  Hieronimus  would  have  defired, 

And  he  faw  in  the  coincidence 
The  hand  of  a  fpecial  Providence. 

13.  Namely:  the  Ohnewitz  parim  pofsefses 
A  fchool  for  little  mafters  and  mifses, 

Of  which  the  collation  unto  the  lord, 
As  village  patron,  the  laws  did  accord. 

14.  To  ftudy  the  A,  B,  C,  and  the  primer, 

And  learn  to  read  and  fpell,  and  the  grammar, 
Thefe  branches  conftituted  the  whole 
Of  the  ftudies  purfued  at  the  aforefaid  fchool. 

15.  All  opportunities  of  further  learning 

The  patron  removed,  with  a  wife  difcerning, 
For  whenever  a  peafant  comes  to  be  learned, 

At  once  he  grows  proud  and  his  brain  is  turned. 
11* 


126         The  Life,  Opinions  t  Actions  and  Fate 

1 6.  Yes,  experience  teaches  us  plainly, 
That  what  the  peafant  requires  mainly 

Is  to  underftand  his  almanack,  and 

To  have  his  catechifm  at  his  tongue's  end. 

17.  Whenever  above  this  limit  he  rifes, 
His  labour  he  commonly  defpifes, 

And  a  miferable  confufion  enfues 

With  the  farming  proceeds  and  revenues. 

1 8.  Befides  a  fixum  of  thirty  dollars,  the  office 
Brought  the  teacher  additional  profits 

In  eggs  and  butter  and  turkeys  and  geefe 
And  other  perquifites  fimilar  to  thefe. 

19.  And  then,  at  the  new  year's  congratulation, 
He  went  to  his  lordmip's  houfe  to  collation, 

And  alfo  received,  for  attending  there, 
Of  prefents  a  proportionate  mare. 

20.  Now  the  fchoolmafter  happened,  fortunately, 
To  have  left  this  world  his  blefling  lately, 

And  the  parifh  was  thoughtfully  looking  round 
To  fee  where  a  new  one  might  be  found. 

21.  So  foon  as  the  patron  got  information 
Of  this,  he  tendered  the  fituation 

To  Hieronimus,  who  ftraightway 
Entered  on  the  office  without  delay. 

22.  At  firft,  it  is  true,  the  life  of  a  teacher 
Had  not  for  him  one  attractive  feature, 

For  he  much  more  account  of  idlenefs  made 
Than  of  fuch  a  thanklefs  and  tedious  trade. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          127 

23.  However,  as  always,  when  fchool  was  over, 
He  spent  his  time  at  the  castle  in  clover, 

Eating  and  drinking,  after  awhile 
Hieronimus  concluded  to  reconcile 

24.  Himself  to  his  prefent  fituation, 

And  attend  to  its  duties  with  renewed  application, 
That  he  might  be  able  to  keep  the  place 
All  his  life  till  the  end  of  his  days. 

25.  He  alfo  thought,  in  many  a  matter, 

To  introduce  fome  change  for  the  better  j 
For  he  found  that  many  faults  had  crept 
Into  the  fchool,  as  heretofore  kept. 

26.  In  fact  he  began,  after  long  deliberation, 
To  make  here  and  there  a  reformation, 

Which  did  not,  however,  turn  out  very  well, 
As  we  to  the  reader  mail  fhortly  tell. 

NOTE. 
Heading :   OAnewitz  means  literally  ivit/efs. 


ia8         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

HO--W  Hieronimus  became  an  Author,  and  how  he  edited 
a  new  A,  B,  C,-booky  and  how  be  was  grievou/ly 
complained  of  for  it  by  the  Boors  to  his  Lord/hit). 


T  the  very  firft  entrance  on  his  adminiftration 
Hieronimus  found  with  extremeft  vexation, 
That  the  A,  B,  C-book  hitherto  ufed 
The  minds  of  the  children  fomewhat  confufed. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          129 

a.  The  boys  and  girls  under  his  fupervifion 
Had  ufed  heretofore  the  Ballhorn  edition, 
In  which  Hieronimus  foon  became  aware 
Of  sundry  errors  here  and  there. 

3.  So,  after  confiderable  counfel  taking 
With  himfelf,  he  determined  upon  making 

A  fpeedy  new  edition  of  it 
Under  the  following  title,  to  wit : 

4.  A  neiv,  enlarged  and  amended  edition 
Of  the  A,  £,  C-book,  under  the  fupervifion 

Of  the  Author  y  Hieronimus 
Jobs,  Theologize  Candidatus. 

5.  To  the  letters  with  which  we're  all  acquainted, 
And  which  in  the  alphabet  are  prefented, 

Headdedalfothefft, 
Likewife  the  fch  and  fp. 

6.  The  fpurs  of  the  cock,  at  the  end,  who  engages 
The  attention  of  children  of  the  lower  ages, 

He  omitted  with  great  propriety 
From  his  bran-new  book  of  A,  B,  C 

7.  He  added,  however,  for  the  gratification 
Of  the  juvenile  candidates  for  education, 

A  little  neft  with  a  great  egg, 
Befide  the  fpurlefs  roofter's  leg. 

8.  This  book  had  fcarcely  entered  their  presence, 
When  it  was  reviewed  by  the  Ohnewitz  peafants, 

And  the  very  firft  occafion  gave 

For  an  altercation  both  fierce  and  grave. 


130         The  Lifey  Opinions  y  Actions  and  Fate 

9.  For  none  of  the  changes  made,  whatever, 
Found  with  the  critics  any  favour, 

But  they  every  one  of  them,  to  a  man, 
Regarded  it  as  a  highly  dangerous  plan. 

10.  It  could  not  efcape  the  obtufeft  vifion, 
That  the  author  of  this  new-fangled  edition, 

Made  it  exceedingly  manifeft, 

He  was  with  a  paflion  for  authorfhip  poflefled. 

11.  As,  when,  in  fultry  fummer  weather, 
Tempeft-brewing  vapors  mufter  together, 

Before  the  crafhing  thunder  leaps, 
A  low  murmur  ordinarily  creeps, 

12.  So  here,  at  firft,  in  every  direction 
Was  heard  a  low  buzz  of  difaffection, 

And  foon  the  thunderbolt  came  down 
On  Hieronimus's  crown. 

13.  The  Ohnewitzers  by  words  and  dealings 

Left  him  no  doubt  of  the  ftate  of  their  feelings, 
But  he,  defying  their  utmoft  rage, 
Fell  back  on  his  Grace's  patronage. 

14.  The  Ohnewitzers  would  mow  him,  however, 
That  they  did  not  mean  to  be  filent  forever : 

For  every  day  they  did  prefer 

Some  new  grievance  againft  the  fchoolmaft^r. 

15.  They  therefore,  at  laft,  in  town  meeting  collected, 
And  the  fexton  was  unanimoufly  directed 

To  draw  up  a  complaint  in  the  following  tone  : 
"  High-well-born  patron  !  be  it  known 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          131 

1 6.  "  Unto  your  <vjorjhip  by  thefe  prefents, — 
That  we  the  aflembled  Ohnewitz  peafants 

Do  take  with  fubmiflion  the  liberty 

To  complain  of  your  fchoolmafter  to  thee. 

1 7.  "  Inasmuch  as  the  fame  has  tried  our  patience 
By  introducing  fundry  innovations, 

All  under  the  abfurd  pretext 
Of  remedying  exifting  defecls. 

1 8.  "And  has  not  behaved  in  the  matter,  neither, 
As  a  worthy  schoolmafter  mould,  but  rather, 

Given  us  peafants,  whom  he  ought  to  lead, 
A  very  bad  example  indeed. 

19.  "  And,  only  the  principal  points  to  mention 

Of  the  grievances  to  which  we  would  call  attention, 
Pro  primo  and  in  the  firft  place,  he 
Has  undertaken  arbitrarily 

20.  "  To  make  a  new  A,  B,  C,  omitting 

The  fpurs  of  the  cock,  which  is  not  befitting, 
For  the  fpurs,  afluredly,  all  will  agree 
An  efTential  part  of  the  cock  to  be. 

21.  "He  alfo  difcourages  learning,  however, 
By  making  the  alphabet  longer  then  ever : 

For  fp,  fch,  and  fFt 

Have  furely  no  bufinefs  in  the  A,  B,  C. 

22.  "  Further,  though  cocks  are  never  known  to 
Lay  hen's  eggs  in  nefts,  as  hens  are  wont  to, 

Neverthelefs  he  has  placed  one  by  the  cock's  leg, 
Juft  as  if  the  cock  had  laid  the  egg. 


132          The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

23.  "  Now  things  like  thefe  are  very  bewildering 
And  calculated  to  miflead  the  minds  of  the  children, 

And  a  new  A,  B,  C-book,  anyhow, 
Is  an  innovation  we  cannot  allow. 

24.  "  Pro  fecundo :  we  would  not  fail  to  mention 
(That  the  afs's  head  is  an  ancient  invention,) 

Which  every  child  that  refifts  the  rules 

Has  to  wear,  as  a  punifhment,  in  our  ichools. 

25.  "  Now,  forely  as  a  fenfitive  heart  is  affected 
When  to  this  punifhment  it  is  fubjected, 

Still  moft  of  the  children  make  a  jeft 

Of  wearing  the  afs's  head  down  to  their  breaft. 

26.  "  Herr  Jobs,  however,  is  not  contented 
With  this,  but  has  to  the  head  appended 

Neck,  body,  legs  and  tail  and  all 
And  fo  you  have  now  the  afs  in  full. 

27.  "  How  the  children  cry  and  yell  when  the  teacher 
Compels  them  to  wear  the  entire  creature, 

And  the  figure  they  cut  when  drefTed  up  fo, 
Can  be  fcarcely  imagined.     Protertio: 

28.  "  Herr  Jobs,  in  addition  to  the  ufual  feruling, 
Doth  barbaroufly  box  their  ears,  imperilling 

The  health  of  the  pupils,  and  already  Ibme 
In  confequence  have  quite  deaf  become. 

29.  "  Pro  quarto :  the  poorer  children  more  than  any 
Are  to  be  pitied  for  their  cudgellings  many, 

For,  out  of  respect  to  perfons,  they 
Get  a  double  portion  every  day. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          133 

30.  "  Pro  quinto :  he  is  in  the  habit  of  fearchin' 
The  pockets  of  every  fweet-toothed  urchin, 

And  puts  the  apples  and  nuts  on  the  fhelf, 
And  after  fchool  he  eats  them  himfelf. 

31.  "  Pro  sexto :  his  conduct  in  general  fociety 
Is  chargeable  with  much  impropriety, 

For  he  leads,  they  fay,  quite  too  free  a  life 
With  Schulze  the  boarding-houfe  keeper's  wife. 

32.  "  He  vifits  the  village  tavern  daily 
And  in  heated  drinks  indulges  freely, 

And  many  a  time  has  wafted  away 
Half  of  the  night  with  Schulze  in  play. 

33.  "There  are  many  other  complaints,  in  addition, 
Which  we  would  prefer  with  profound  fubmiflion ; 

For  very  many  gravamina, 

Befides  thofe  already  mentioned,  there  are, 

34.  "  Which  at  present,  however,  we  forbear  ftating, 
Contenting  ourfelves  with  fupplicating: 

That  you  would  be  pleafed,  moft  gracious  Sir ! 
To  give  us  another  fchoolmaftSr. 

35.  "  In  hope  whereof  we  beg  to  tarry 
Your  Grace's  fubjects  moft  exemplary. 

Given  in  the  village  of  Ohneewitz. 
Etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc" 


134         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

Ho<w  the  dif affected  peafants  of  Ohnevuitz  received  a 
gracious  resolution,  and  ho<w  they  <vuere  advifed  to  keep 
Jilence,  and  hoiu  they  ivere  threatened  with  the  dark 
hole.  All  in  chancery  ftyle. 

rTpHE  meeting  appointed  a  deputation 
Of  two  to  deliver  the  petition 
To  his  highnefs,  the  patron ;  and  from  the  fame 
The  following  refolution  came: 

2.  "  We  have  learned  'with  great  diffatisfaEiion, 
From  the  ftatement  of  your  recent  a£Hon, 
What  grievances  you  do  prefer 
Againft  your  worthy  fchoolmafter. 

£.  "  Though,  now,  it  gives  us  great  difpleafure 
To  fee  you  refort  to  fuch  a  meafure  j 
We  have  confidered,  neverthelefs, 
The  breadth  and  length  of  your  grievances. 

4.  "  We  cannot,  however,  up  to  date  difcover 
Anything  to  make  fuch  a  fufs  over, 
And  the  profecution,  we  decide, 
Is  altogether  unjuftified. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobsy  the  Candidate.          135 

5.  "  'Tis  very  true,  as  has  been  faid,  he 
Has  introduced  in  his  fchool  already 

A  new  book  of  A,  B,  C,  which  he 
Dedicates  to  ourfelves  fubmiffively. 

6.  "  It  is  alfo  clear  that,  in  this  edition, 

He  has  made  here  and  there  an  addition  or  omiflion, 
It  is  not  however  fo  clear  to  us, 
How  this  can  be  fo  injurious. 

7.  "  'Tis  true,  by  an  overfight  of  the  engraver, 
The  cock  has  loft  his  fpurs  ;  however, 

One  can  very  eafily  in  the  next 
Edition  remedy  fuch  miftakes. 

8.  "  Our  modern  reviewers  feldom  take  notice 
Of  fuch  a  trifle  in  books  as  that  is, 

But  the  gentlemen  kindly  overlook 
Such  little  faults  in  a  new  book. 

9.  "  And  as  regards  the  interpolations, 
They  are  found  in  all  the  early  editions  j 

At  leaft  fch,  fft,  and  fp, 

As  variations,  may  be  fuffered  to  be. 

10.  "  That  the  cock  with  an  egg  mould  be  attended, 
Seems  indeed  lefs  capable  of  being  defended, 
Yet  there's  no  necefllty  propter  hoc 
To  take  the  egg  away  from  the  cock. 

n.  "  For  from  the  egg  to  draw  the  conclufion 
That  the  cock  had  laid  it,  were  great  confufion 
In  confcience  and  reafon ;  it  proves  in  fact 
No  more  than  the  titles  to  men's  names  tacked. 


136         The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

12.  "  And  then  befides  we  might  have  alluded, 

To  cafes  where  cockerels  over  eggs  have  brooded, 
In  hoc  cafuy  undoubtedly, 
The  cock  was  a  capon  properly. 

13.  "  When  you  propofe  as  the  fecond  of  the  abufes, 
That  Mr.  Jobs  a  whole  afs  introduces  j 

We  think  therein  he  commits  no  offence, 
But  conducts  himfelf  as  a  man  of  fenfe. 

14.  "  For  he  means  by  this  no  more,  nor  lefs  neither, 
Than  that  you  and  your  children  both  together, 

Old  and  young  and  great  and  fmall, 
Are  perfect  affes  incarnate  all. 

15.  "  Pro  tertio :  the  ear-boxing  fo  bewildering 
Which  has  already  made  deaf  fome  children — 

We  hold  it  very  much  amifs 

To  inflict  fuch  punifliment  as  this. 

1 6.  "  The  grievance  you  have/>ro  quarto  propounded 
We  hold  to  be  in  fo  far  well  grounded  ; 

For  no  judge  nor  fchoolmafter  rightfully  can 
Refpect  the  perfon  of  any  man. 

17.  "  But  for  poor  no  lefs  than  rich  'tis  expedient 
That  they  fhould  be  punimed  when  difobedient, 

And  punimment  ftiould  always  be 
Adminiftered  impartially. 

1 8.  "  When  the  right  of  fearch  he  exercifes, 
And  fruit  in  the  children's  pockets  furprifes, 

He  upholds  pro  quinto  the  very  good  rule : 
Children  mould  not  be  munching  in  school ! 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  137 

19.  "  And  as  their  tender  ftomachs,  fans  queftion, 
Find  apples  and  nuts  of  hard  digeftion, 

Here  alfo  the  fchoolmafter's  plan  is  good, 
To  devour,  himfelf,  fuch  forbidden  food. 

20.  u  Pro  sexto,  as  to  your  infinuation 
Touching  Schulze's  wife's  reputation, 

Item,  the  tavern,  drinking  and  dice, 

All  this  in  Herr  Jobs  were  a  (hocking  vice. 

21.  "It  is  our  gracious  pleafure,  however, 
That  fuch  things  be  buried  in  filence  forever, 

And  whofo  (hall  name  them  again,  by  my  foul! 
Shall  be  punifhed  with  two   days  in  the  hole. 

22.  "  For  the  reft,  the  complaints  you  have  delated 
Shall  be  hereafter  more  thoroughly  inveftigated, 

When  from  our  contemplated  tour 
We  are  happily  returned  once  more. 

23.  "Till  then  we  command  you  to  ceafe  your  gabble, 
Nor  longer  in  thefe  grave  matters  dabble. 

Given  at  our  refidence  etc.,  etc" 
"Refolution  for  the  Peafants  of  Ohnewitz." 


12* 


138         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXX. 

Hoiv,  one  Wednefday,  a  riot  broke  out  at  Ohneivitz,  and 
all  forts  of  figns  and  wonders  preceded  itt  and  honu 
Herr  Hieronimus  'was  driven  anvay  with  cudgels,  &c. 

TT  may  well  be  conceived  that  this  refolution 
Threw  the  whole  village  into  the  greateft  confufion, 
In  fact  there  arofe  on  all  fides  a  hum 
Among  the  peafants,  both  mighty  and  grum. 

a.  For  now  it  was  clearly  manifefted 
That  Jobs  was  by  the  patron  aflifted, 

And  that  juftice  could  no  longer  have  courfe, 
And  they  fwore  to  avenge  themfelves  by  force. 

3.  In  this  weighty  crifis  they  often  came  together 
To  confult  in  the  tavern  with  one  another, 

And  with  beer  and  tobacco  confidered  there 
How  they  could  beft  approach  the  affair. 

4.  They  firft  determined,  with  a  fweeping 
Unanimity,  on  keeping 

Their  children  at  home,  and  not  one  of  all 
In  facl  went  to  fchool  again,  great  or  fmall. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          1 39 

5.  But  the  wifeft  of  them  advifed,  with  reafon, 
To  lie  in  wait  for  a  favorable  feafon, 

For  then,  when  came  the  fitting  hour, 
They  could  all  arife  at  once  in  their  power. 

6.  They  all  gave  in  at  once  their  adhefion 
To  fuch  a  fenfible  proportion, 

And  fo  they  fixed  upon  a  day 

When  the  patron  mould  happen  to  be  away. 

7.  'Tis  true  thefe  arrangements  were  all  to  lie  deeping, 
In  every  bofom's  fecret  keeping 

Till  the  terrible  moon  mould  be  ufhered  in 
When  the  difturbance  was  to  begin. 

8.  But  before  thefe  great  events  had  being, 
Signs  and  wonders  had  men  been  feeing, 

As  on  the  eve  of  important  events 

Men  commonly  witnefs  premonitory  portents. 

9.  For  example,  a  fhort  time  before,  at  the  hour 
Of  midnight,  a  very  great  owl  on  the  tower 

Of  the  church  had  been  heard  to  utter  a  cry 
Frightful  and  loud  to  the  inky  fky. 

10.  Likewife  had  one  of  the  Ohnewitz  people 
Coming  from  the  inn,  heard  a  tolling  in  the  fteeple ; 

Alfo  the  very  old  chimney  fell  down 

On  the  fchool-houfe  roof  with  an  awful  found. 

11.  Likewife  the  fexton's  cow  give  birth  to 
The  longeft  eared  calf  perhaps  on  earth  too  ; 

Likewife  many  dogs  ran  howling  round 
Through  the  village  with  a  horrible  found. 


140         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


12.  Ignes  fatui  were  feen  in  many  places, 

And  fometimes  by  night  ftrange  forms  and  faces 
Likewife  at  noonday  it  came  to  pafs, 
A  leg  was  broke  of  the  miller's  afs. 

13.  All  this  appeared  the  prefiguration 
Of  fome  impending  revelation} 

But  no  one  noticed  the  danger  until 
The  prophecies  did  themfelves  fulfil. 

14.  Now  it  was  exactly  on  Wednefday  morning, 
That  the  riot  broke  out  without  any  warning, 

When,  at  eight  precifely,  every  boor, 
Was  feen  to  iflue  from  his  door. 


Of  Hierommus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          141 

15.  It  was  dreadful  to  think  on  what  might  happen, 
For  every  one  was  armed  with  a  weapon, 

And  forth  the  confederates  all  fwarmed, 
With  clubs  and  flails  in  great  numbers  armed. 

1 6.  All  was  now  aftir  in  the  village, 

One  would  have  prophefied  murder  and  pillage, 
And  every  dog  and  roolter  now 
Began  at  once  to  bark  and  crow. 

17.  On  the  village  common  foon  colle61ed 
The  mighty  mafs  of  the  difaffecled, 

And  in  proceflion  proceeded  thence 
Straight  to  the  fchoolmafter's  refidence. 

1 8.  Many  children  came  thronging  after 
On  both  fides,  full  of  joy  and  laughter, 

To  think  that  they  would  be  free  to-day 
And  the  bad  fchoolmafter  fent  away. 

19.  Herr  Jobs  in  his  bed  was  lying  quiet, 
Never  once  dreaming  of  any  riot, 

When  all  on  a  fudden  the  whole  fwarm 
Broke  in  upon  him  with  a  great  alarm. 

20.  He  opened  his  eyes  in  confirmation, 
And  vehement  was  his  agitation, 

As  now  for  the  firft  time  he  did  mark 

The  treafon  that  had  been  brewing  in  the  dark. 

ai.  They  fell  upon  him  with  precipitation, 
Leaving  him  fmall  time  for  hefitation} 

Only,  in  confideration  of  the  prefent  diftrefs, 
They  gave  him  leave  to  put  on  his  drefs  : 


14*         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

22.  Then  advifed  him  to  leave  Ohnewitz  behind  him, 
And  never  again  let  one  of  them  find  him  j 

They  added  likewife  many  a  feoff, 
And  cudgelled  and  pelted  our  hero  off. 

23.  And  fo  this  aftion  was  completed 
And  the  expedition  fuccefsfully  treated, 

And  with  a  loud  ju  !  hu  !  ju  !  hu ! 
All  to  the  tavern  now  withdrew. 

24.  And  every  one  fwore  with  a  terrible  clatter, 
That  he  had  done  the  beft  in  the  matter, 

And  in  drinking  brandy  determined  that  he 
The  greateft  hero  of  all  would  be. 

25.  There  were  fome,  however,  had  no  fatisfaclion, 
But  only  remorfe  for  the  whole  tranfaftion, 

And  they  fully  expe&ed  to  find  their  reward 
In  the  dark  hole,  at  the  return  of  their  lord. 


NOTE. 

Stanza  9.     So  in  Virgil  (Acn.  IV.  462,)  among  the  por 
tents  that  preceded  the  death  of  Dido  : 
"  Solaquc  cu/minibus  f trait  carmine  bubo 
S<?fc  yueri,  et  longas  in  Jlctum  ducere  •voces." 

— "  With  a  boding  note 
The  folitary  fcreech-owl  ftrains  her  throat, 
And  on  a  chimney's  top  or  turret's  height, 
With  fongs  obfcene  difturbs  the  filence  of  the  night." — 

Dryden. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          143 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 

How  Hieronimus  in  his  flight  to  Bavaria  and  a  nenu 
adventure,  in  meeting  his  beloved  Amelia  on  the  ft  age 
at  the  theatre.  Very  pleafant  to  read. 

A  S  the  fox,  when  he  leaves  the  hounds  behind  him 
And  flies  where  they  no  more  can  find  him, 
Is  glad  that  only  a  mouthful  of  hair 
He  has  had  to  lofe,  which  he  well  could  fpare, — 

i.  So  Hieronimus,  in  his  greateft  tribulation, 
Took  to  himfelf  the  fame  confolation, 
And  was  very  glad,  upon  his  foul, 
To  have  'fcaped  the  boors  with  a  Ikin  whole. 

3.  'Tis  true  he  had  learned,  in  his  fudden  departure 
From  Ohnewitz,  fomething  he  had  to  fmart  for, 

How  very  sour  and  bitter  and  hard 
Was  a  poor  fchoolmafter's  reward. 

4.  He  alfo  made  a  vow  that  he  never 
Would  publifh  again  any  books  whatever, 

For  his  flogging  and  flight,  he  had  to  own, 
Were  owing  to  the  authorfhip-mania  alone. 


144          ?fo  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

5.  Meanwhile  as  his  patron  (we've  ftated  already,) 
Was  gone  on  a  tour  to  Bavaria  with  his  lady  ; 

Hieronimus  determined  to  go  there  to  him, 
For  refuge  from  the  wrath  of  the  peafants  fo  grim. 

6.  The  journey  took  no  great  time  to  plan  it, 
In  facl:  he  no  fooner  refolved  than  began  it ; 

But  foon,  before  he  was  far  on  his  way, 
A  new  adventure  caufed  his  delay. 

7.  For  contrary  to  all  expectation 

His  plans  met  a  fudden  pertubation, 

Soon  after  he  reached  a  great  city,  where 
He  intended  to  reft  a  day  or  two  there. 

8.  Here,  to  confole  and  divert  himfelf  folely 
And  drive  away  care  and  melancholy, 

It  came  into  his  head  one  day, 

That  he  that  evening  would  go  to  the  play. 

9.  He  foon  perceived  among  the  aftreffes, 
Of  beautiful  faces  and  fplendid  drefTes, 

One  who  in  face,  voice,  form  and  hair, 
Was  the  image  of  his  Amelia  fair. 

10.  Heavens  !  what  rapture  his  heart  did  fire, 
That  he  mould  fo  unexpectedly  fpy  her ! 

The  entire  pit  was  almoft  thrown 
Into  confufion  by  this  facl  alone. 

11.  And  hardly  had  me  her  performance  ended, 
When  into  the  green-room  he  inftantly  bounded, 

And  now  there  was  many  a  joyful  bufs 
'Twixt  her  and  her  dear  Hieronimus. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          145 

T3.  Both  were  curious  to  hear  from  each  other, 

What  fingular  fortune  thus  brought  them  together  j 
Hieronimus  therefore  was  glad  enough, 
With  her  to  fnug  quarters  to  hurry  off. 

13.  Then  and  there  did  Amelia  get  her  firft  information 
Of  the  wonders  let  down  in  the  previous  narration, 

As  having  tranfpired  fmce  the  memorable  night, 
When  the  old  gent  drove  him  forth  in  fuch  plight. 

14.  And  of  his  adventures  with  the  fpiritual  lady, 
And  the  difhonorable  attempt  me  made,  he 

Told,  and  how,  fubfequently,  the  whole 
Of  his  money  by  night  in  a  tavern  was  ftole. 

15.  And  how,  in  the  wood  he  defpatched  a  villain, 
And  refcued  a  nobleman  whom  he  was  killin', 

And  became  by  one  of  his  lucky  hits, 
A  fchoolmafter  at  Ohnewitz. 

1 6.  And  his  fubfequent  trials  and  tribulation, 
And  how  he  now  againft  all  expe&ation, 

Had  found  her  in  the  theatre  here, 
All  this  he  copioufly  poured  in  her  ear. 

17.  Hieronimus,  now,  in  his  turn,  defired 

To  hear  what  in  her  experience  had  tranfpired, 
And  the  fair  one  proceeded  to  relate, 
As  follows,  her  hiftory  up  to  date. 


146         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 

How  the  damfel  Amelia  tells  Hier animus  the  ftory  of  her 
life.  A  very  long  chapter,  becaufe  the  perfon /peaking 
is  a  female.  Exafily  one  hundred  verfes. 


4  C  A  MELIA  Ripraps  my  proper  name  is : 
**The  place  where  into  the  world  I  came,  is 
The  celebrated  town  of  A.  A. 
There  I  firft  faw  the  light  of  day. 


Of  Hieronimus  yobs,  the  Candidate.          147 

2.  "  My  father  was  an  advocate,  had  many  cafes 
Both  there  and  in  the  neighboring  places, 

For  he  knew  the  jura  thoroughly 
And  underftood  chicanery. 

3.  "The  moft  complicated  cafes  he  would  take'em 
And  ftill  more  complicated  make'em, 

And  many  an  art  and  trick  he  knew 
For  fpinning  out  fhort  cafes,  too. 

4.  "  His  ingenuity  many  a  clever 
Rogue  from  the  gallows  did  deliver  j 

And,  by  recommending  the  crime 
Of  perjury  juft  in  the  nick  of  time, 

5.  "  He  brought  off  many  a  cheat  inglorious, 
Over  his  honorable  opponent  victorious, 

Relieved  many  a  one  of  fore  diftrefs 

And  many  a  poor  devil  of  his  bread,  I  guefs. 

6.  "  He  hated  peace  and  compromifing, 
Much  rather,  in  every  cafe,  advifing, 

However  trifling  the  matter  might  be, 
Recourse  to  law  and  chicanery. 

7.  "  He  kept  his  clients  in  a  round  of  dances 
Through  all  poffible  legal  inftdncesy 

And  kept  them  appealing,  on  and  on, 
Until  their  very  laft  penny  was  gone. 

8.  "  For  the  reft,  he  ferved  to  the  beft  of  his  fcience 
And  fidelity  the  clients  who  placed  on  him  reliance, 

Yet,  now  and  then,  for  variety's  fake, 
From  the  oppofite  party  a  bribe  would  take. 


148         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

9.  "  Of  a  tolerable  property  he  thus  got  pofleffion  j 
What  to  others  was  a  curfe,  was  to  him  a  blefling, 
And  when  to  wrangling  and  quarrelling  fell, 
He  took  the  oyfter  and  gave  each  a  fhell. 

10.  "My  blefled  mother  was  the  daughter 
Of  a  wealthy  farmer  of  the  higheft  order, 

Who  litigated  to  fuch  a  degree 

That  he  ruined  himfelf  and  his  property. 

11.  "  My  father  had  ferved  him  as  advocate  duly 
And  given  him  counfel  faithfully  and  truly, 

And  fo  at  length,  he  got  for  his  pay 
The  farmer's  pretty  daughter  one  day. 

12.  "  She  had  already  rejected  many 
Who  offered  their  hands  in  matrimony, 

At  the  time  when  her  father  was  yet  well  off 
And  had  property  enough. 

13.  "  But  as  the  incomes  began  to  grow  fewer, 
No  one  cared  any  longer  to  woo  her  j 

For  the  prettieft  pennilefs  face  that  goes 
Will  never  tempt  the  men  to  propofe. 

14.  "  She  managed  after  awhile,  however, 
To  catch  my  father,  for  me  was  clever, 

And  grounded  to  the  laft  degree 
In  all  the  arts  of  gallantry. 

15.  "  My  father  took  a  fancy  to  her, 

And  fo,  as  aforefaid,  became  her  wooer, 
And,  wifhing  a  partner  of  his  life, 
Befought  her  of  the  farmer  for  wife. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          149 

1 6.  "  They  tafted  together  many  enjoyments 
In  their  wedded  life,  and  little  annoyance, 

At  leaft  for  the  firft  three  months  or  fo, 
While  marriage  was  yet  a  new  thing,  you  knotv. 

17.  "And  then  her  fine  face  and  agreeable  manner 
Many  a  private  income  won  her, 

When  fome  rich  party  happened  to  be 
Attentive  to  her  particularly. 

1 8.  They  managed  to  get  from  parties  in  cafes 
A  matter  or  two  for  houfehold  ufes  j 

For  the  advocate's  lady  always  got 
What  the  advocate,  her  Lord,  did  not. 

19.  "  When  her  hufband  to  his  pleadings  attended, 
She  meanwhile  was  not  idle-handed, 

And  at  fuch  times  in  her  apartments  me 
Had  private  hearings  generally. 

*o.  "  Now  though  I  cannot  pofitively  declare  it 
For  a  fail,  and  folemnly  fwear  it, 
That  the  above  named  advocate 
Was  my  real  father — at  any  rate 

9.1.  "I  never  in  my  life  have  heard  the  fuggeftion 
That  he  fo  much  as  raifed  a  queftion, 
When,  after  about  a  year,  may  be, 
My  mother  was  delivered  of  me. 

22.  "  The  earlier  parts  of  my  childifh  hiftory 
Remain  involved  in  the  fhades  of  myftery, 
However  my  father  and  mother  loved  me 
As  their  only  daughter  tenderly. 


150         The  Lifet  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

23.  "  No  pains  were  fpared  on  the  formation 
Of  my  manners  and  my  education, 

And  they  fent  me  to  fchool  at  an  early  age 
In  the  ufual  ftudies  there  to  engage. 

24.  "  They  ftriftly  forbade,  however,  the  teachers 
To  inflict  on  me  blows  or  bitter  fpeeches, 

And  in  everything,  fmall  as  it  might  be, 
My  will  was  confulted  carefully. 

25.  "  When  I  fcarcely  was  ten  years  old,  my  fancies 
Began  to  devour  all  forts  of  romances, 

And  already  far  more  of  love  I  knew 
Than  other  maidens  of  eighteen  do. 

26.  "  I  was  happy  and  vain  to  receive  addrefles 
From  pretty  young  men,  and  fometimes  carefles, 

And  many  a  praftical  romance 

In  my  thirteenth  year  did  already  commence. 

27.  "  Perhaps  'twas  a  fault  of  my  education, 
That  I  felt  very  early  an  inclination, 

Which  never  has  yet  my  nature  left, — 
A  fecret  inclination  to  theft. 

28.  "  My  parents,  fmitten  with  fatal  blindnefs, 
Called  it  childifh  fport  in  their  mifplaced  kindnefs, 

And  when  I  was  caught  in  fome  wicked  craft, 
At  their  fly  little  daughter  they  only  laughed. 

29.  "  My  fifteenth  year  was  hardly  over, 
When  I  had  already  many  a  lover, 

Which,  with  one  of  my  not  ugly  face, 
Could  hardly  fail  of  being  the  cafe. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          151 

30.  "Some  of  them  feemed  quite  prefentable 

In  my  father's  eyes,  at  leaft  not  contemptible  j 
My  mother,  however,  found  in  the  fame 
Many  a  thing  to  diflike  and  blame. 

31.  "It  muft  be  a  man  of  high  pofition, 
Equal  to  any  in  the  land  in  condition, 

Such  a  one  or  none,  me  faid, 

Who  mould  ever  her  pretty  daughter  wed. 

31.  "  But  no  man  came,  of  high  condition, 
With  a  matrimonial  propofition, 
And  to  me  it  began  to  be  tirefome 
Waiting  for  fuitors  who  didn't  come. 

33.  "  I  therefore  thought  in  fome  other  manner 
To  fave  from  tarnifh  my  pride  and  honour, 

And  to  meet  the  handfome  young  men  I  flew 
To  many  a  fecret  rendez-vous. 

34.  "  Fearing  there  might  be  fome  mifcarriage, 
Which  would  perhaps  to  my  future  marriage 

Prove  an  obftacle,  if  me 
Allowed  me  too  much  liberty, 

35.  "My  mother  took  it  in  contemplation 
To  lay  on  my  love-tricks  fome  limitation, 

And  by  day  and  by  night  henceforward  took 
Notes  of  my  every  ftep  and  look. 

36.  "  Now  though  its  indulgence  was  thus  prevented 
The  paflion  itfelf  was  rather  augmented, 

For  a  ftriclly  forbidden  fruit  will  be 
Sought  always  the  more  eagerly. 


15*         Yhe  Lifgj  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

37.  "  And  the  greater  the  hindrance  the  more  the  defire, 
So  did  it  with  my  inclination  tranfpire, 

For  I  fought  every  opportunity 
To  gratify  it  fecretly. 

38.  "  By  night  through  my  window  often  glided 
Ghofts  with  flefh  and  bones  provided, 

Which  then  would  ufually  half  the  night 
Stay  with  me  till  morning  light. 

39.  "  And  when  I  happened  to  find  nothing  better 
I  got  now  and  then  a  love-letter 

Of  fuch  heart-breaking  tenor,  as  we 
Daily  in  every  romance  may  fee. 

40.  "My  nineteenth  year  had  exaftly  ended 
When  I  one  evening  a  ball  attended, 

And  there  with  a  gentleman  acquainted  became 
Herr  Baron  Von  Hogier  was  his  name." 

41.  Hieronimus  here  interrupted  her  talking; 

"  Herr  Von  Hogier  ?  the  thing  is  mocking  ! 
His  name,  as  well  as  his  rank,  the  whole 
Is  familiar  enough  to  me,  by  my  foul ! 

42.  "  Herr  Von  Hogier  was  a  fharper,  I  tell  ye  ! " 
"  He  was  all  of  that"  refumed  Amelia, 

"  And,  dear  Hieronimus,  you  fhall  fee 
What  took  place  between  him  and  me. 

43.  "  To  Herr  Von  Hogier  I  took  a  great  liking, 
His  perfon  and  manners  were  very  ftriking, 

His  elegant  drefs  and  great  peruke 

At  the  very  firft  moment  my  fancy  took. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          153 

44.  "He  made  me  a  very  flattering  propofal 
Placed  his  hand  and  fortune  at  my  difpofal, 

And  what  pleafed  and  flattered  me  far  more, 
I  was  his  only  angel,  he  fwore. 

45.  "  He  alfo  faid  much  of  his  goods  and  pofleflions 
Situated  in  the  land  of  the  Heflians, 

Though  he  now  was  travelling  to  and  fro 
Through  the  world  incognito. 

46.  "  He  did  alfo  diftinaiy  inftruft  me 

He'd  like,  if  I  pleafed,  from  home  to  abducl  me, 
If  I  at  the  hour  appointed  would  ftand 
Ready,  with  money  and  jewels  in  hand. 

47.  "And  fo,  by  night,  when  nothing  hindered, 
The  coffers  and  chefts  at  home  I  plundered, 

Pocketed  what  I  found  without  fear 

And  took  my  flight  with  Herr  Von  Hogier. 

48.  "  We  made  our  retreat  in  very  good  order, 
'Till  we  about  reached  the  laft  Swabian  border  j 

And  during  the  firft  four  days  of  our  ride, 
Did  not  reft  twelve  hours,  I'm  fatisfied. 

49.  "  What  my  parents  thought,  and  how  aftounded, 
To   find  bags  empty  and  daughter  abfconded, 

And  how  they  took  on  and  fwore  and  ftormed, 
You  may  well  imagine  but  cannot  be  informed. 

50.  "  When  we  at  laft  arrived  at  W, 

(Not  with  too  long  a  ftory  to  trouble  you) 
We  determined  to  tarry  fome  days  there 
To  reft  ourfelves  and  get  good  fare. 


154         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

51.  "We,  therefore,  as  we  propofed  to,  tarried, 
And  lived  as  cofy  as  if  we  were  married, 

And  the  Herr  Baron  Von  Hogier 
Behaved  very  tenderly  to  his  dear. 

52.  "I  therefore  was  now,  in  my  own  opinion, 
Happier  than  a  Queen  in  her  dominion, 

And  thought  of  nothing  but  joy  and  glee 
And  pleafure  and  feftivity. 

53.  "But  clofe  on  my  heels  was  misfortune  purfuing, 
For  before  I  could  dream  of  anything  brewing, 

Suddenly  and  fecretly  one  night 
Herr  Von  Hogier,  per  poft,  took  flight. 

54.  "My  money,  too,  dear  Hieronimus,  (think  on't,) 
And  my  jewels  were  gone  to  the  dogs  in  an  inftant, 

And  of  the  valuables  the  whole 

Which  I  from  my  parents  before  had  ftole. 

55.  "I  faw  now,  with  all  his  cooing  and  billin', 
That  Herr  Von  Hogier  was  a  fettled  villain, 

And  that  matters  did  not  rightly  ftand 
With  his  eftate  in  the  Heflian  land. 

56.  "  You  can  therefore  eafily  imagine 
How  much  I  took  this  thing  in  dudgeon, 

For  I  had  not  dreamed  that  the  Herr  Von  Hogier 
Could  be  guilty  of  fuch  tricks  as  this  'ere. 

57.  "  Now  left  alone  and  by  all  forfaken, 

I  knew  not  what  ftep  was  next  to  be  taken, 
And  in  delperation  I  looked  around 
To  fee  where  a  refuge  could  be  found 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          155 

58.  "That  I  fhould  go  back  again  to  my  parents 
Was  an  impofTible  occurrence, 

For  fuch  a  courfe  would  certainly 
Have  been  very  uncomfortable  to  me. 

59.  "  However  I  ftill,  as  a  flight  confolation, 

Had  twenty-four  ducats  remaining  in  my  pofTeffion, 
Which  I,  in  cafe  of  future  diftrefs, 
Had  fewed  into  my  under-drefs. 

60.  "Thefe  twenty-four  ducats,  I  now  bethought  me, 
A  fpecial  fortune  feems  to  have  brought  me, 

For  they  are  now,  moft  certainly, 
All  my  eftate  and  property.- 

61.  "I  would  not  any  longer  tarry 
But  after  Herr  Von  Hogier  hurry, 

And  on  the  very  felf-fame  day, 
I  took  the  ftage  and  drove  away. 

62.  "  For  I  had  at  the  poft-houfe  received  information 
That  he  hired  an  extra  for  the  occafion, 

And  was  therefore  probably  by  this, 
In  Swabia,  as  one  might  guefs. 

63.  "  If  at  that  time  I  could  have  caught  him, 
To  juftice  I  at  once  would  have  brought  him, 

And  I  mould  certainly  have  then 
Got  all  my  money  back  again. 

64.  "  It  was,  my  dear,  in  this  occupation, 
That  on  the  well  remembered  occafion, 

I  found  in  the  ftage  coach  a  fad  young  man, 
With  whom  my  acquaintance  then  firft  began. 


156         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

65.  "  For  the  reft,  up  to  this  time  I  have  never 
Succeeded  in  getting  any  glimpfe  whatever, 

Nor  have  fo  much  as  been  able  to  hear 
Of  the  whereabouts  of  Herr  Von  Hogier." 

66.  Here  Hieronimus  could  not  help  breaking 
In  once  again  on  Amelia  fpeaking : 

"  Potz  taufend  !  I  know  well,"  he  faid, 
Where  Herr  Von  Hogier  the  fcamp  has  fled. 

67.  "Shortly  before  our  acquaintance,  dear  Amelia! 
Herr  Von  Hogier,  the  son  of  Belial, 

Spunged  me  out  of  much  money  one  day 
At  a  tavern  by  his  tricky  play. 

68.  "  This  was  the  principal  occafion 
Of  my  melancholy  fituation 

Of  mind,  which  I  at  laft  forgot 
When  in  the  ftage  by  your  fide  I  fot. 

69.  "Herr  Von  Hogier,  too,  was  one  of  the  couple 
Of  travellers,  difguifed  as  merchant  people, 

Who  after  fupper  at  the  inn 

Stole  my  money  bag  and  all  therein. 

70.  "The  robber  too,  whom  I  killed,  (as  already 
Stated,)  when  I  faved  the  gentleman  and  lady, 

Was  verily,  by  his  perfon  and  face, 
No  other  than  this  fame  fcape-grace. 

71.  "You,  therefore,  now  may  reft  contented: 
His  future  villanies  are  prevented, 

And  I  have  thus  moft  righteoufly 
Avenged  myfelf  for  his  knavery." 


Of  Hier  animus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          157 

72.  Amelia  replied :  "  Thy  histories, 

My  dear !  are  full  of  curious  myfteries, 
And  fo  remarkable  each  event, 
It  fills  me  with  aftonifhment ! 

73.  "  The  proverb :  what  is  fpun  however  finely, 
Is  fur  e  to  come  to  the  f untight  finally, 

Turns  out  exactly  to  a  hair 

In  the  case  of  that  rafcal  Hogier  there. 

74.  "  But  to  proceed  in  my  own  narration, 
At  the  time  of  our  fudden  feparation, 

On  account  of  the  watch  I  concluded  to  go  on, 
A  while,  on  foot,  and  all  alone. 

75.  "  About  that  time,  by  good  luck's  providing, 
An  elderly  gentleman  came  riding 

Along  in  his  carriage,  and  when  he  fpied 
Me  trudging  on  by  the  roadfide, 

76.  '*  With  fuch  a  fignificant  fmile  he  beckoned, 
That  I  was  fitting  by  him  in  a  fecond  j 

And,  as  my  perfon  pleafed  him,  he 
Made  a  proportion  to  me: 

77.  "  To  be  his  chambermaid,  and  aid  him 
Drive  off  the  blues  that  did  often  invade  him, 

For  he  lived  alone  without  any  wife, 
And  was  an  old  bachelor  for  life. 

78.  "  Now  it  would  have  been  dangerous,  I  concluded, 
And  certainly  I  mould  be  deluded, 

(So  the  thing  began  now  to  appear,) 

To  leek  any  further  for  Herr  Von  Hogier. 


158         'The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

79.  "  And  fo  I  could  not  make  refufal 
To  the  old  gentleman's  kind  propofal, 

Although  his  age  and  his  gray  hair, 
Were  not  juft  fuch  as  I  wifhed  they  were. 

80.  "  So  I  took  up  with  him  my  habitation 
And  gave  him  effe&ual  confolation, 

And  I  behaved  myfelf  to  him 
As  if  I  his  lawful  fpoufe  had  been. 

8z.  "  He  therefore  held  me  in  high  eftimation, 
And  gave  me  the  whole  houfe-adminiftration, 
And  all  the  fervants,  maids  and  men, 
Subjected  to  my  regimen. 

82.  "  I  superintended  cellars  and  prefTes, 
Kitchen  and  chamber  and  wardrobe  and  drefles, 

Saw  to  the  warning,  table  and  bed, 

And  everything  that  came  under  that  head. 

83.  "The  keys  of  the  chefts,  the  plates  and  platters, 
And  even  the  more  valuable  matters, 

The  linen  and  filver,  were  to  me 
Committed  into  cuftody. 

84.  "  And  from  many  an  evening  till  the  morrow, 
I  beguiled  the  old  gentleman  of  his  forrow, 

And  gave  his  troubled  fpirit  eafe 
And  miniftered  to  his  neceflities. 

85.  "  For  the  old  gentleman  would  never 
Do  the  leaft  thing  without  me  whatever, 

And  nothing  in  any  department, 

Could  ever  take  place  without  my  consent. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          159 

86.  "  Of  courfe,  in  addition  to  my  compenfation, 

I  received  from  him  many  a  valuable  donation, 
And,  to  make  up  any  deficiency, 
I  ftole  a  trifle  occafionally. 

87.  "  Although  now  nothing  external  was  wanting, 
There  was  fomething  always  my  fpirit  haunting, 

And  the  time  feemed  long  when  I  began 
To  live  with  the  old  gentleman. 

88.  "'Tis  true  in  the  courfe  of  time  the  houfe-writer 
Did  make  my  fpirits  a  little  lighter, 

But,  being  rather  fickly,  he 
Was  not  very  interefting  to  me. 

89.  "  I  found  it  for  my  comfort  necefTary, 
After  his  death  to  get  a  new  fecretary, 

And  you,  my  dear,  juft  then  applied 

For  the  vacant  place  of  the  one  who  had  died. 

90.  "  I  had  for  you  a  prepofeffion, 

At  the  very  firft  fight,  I  muft  make  the  confeflionj 
And  this,  you  fee,  was  the  reafon  why 
I  fpoke  in  your  favour  fo  earneftly. 

91.  "  Of  all  the  things  that  between  us  tranfpired, 
From  the  time  that  you  were  firft  hired 

'Till  the  night  he  found  you  in  my  room, 
Dear  Hieronimus !  you  are  aware,  I  prefume. 

92.  "  When  he  at  that  time  difmifTed  you, 
I  need  not  fay  how  much  I  miffed  you, 

But  the  old  man  continued  all  the  more 
To  give  fharp  hints  on  that  very  fcore. 


160         The  Lifey  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

93.  "His  anger  did  my  fpirits  gall  fo, 
That  I  came  very  near  leaving  alfo, 

And  it  was  about  as  much  as  I  could  do 
With  my  carefles  to  bring  him  to. 

94.  "  Meanwhile,  from  that  time,  his  inclination 
For  me  gave  place  to  alienation, 

And  to  a  new  young  kitchen  maid 
All  his  attention  henceforth  he  paid. 

95.  "  And  therefore  to  relieve  the  depreflion 
Of  fpirits  your  abfence  did  occafion, 

I  lived  thenceforward  fomewhat  free 
With  the  old  gentleman's  lackey. 

96.  "  But  when  our  intercourfe  he  did  difcover, 
All  chance  of  reconciliation  was  over, 

No  word  of  excufe  would  he  wait  to  hear — 
I  muft  pack  up  my  duds  at  once  and  clear. 

97.  "  Being  now  with  money  tolerably  provided, 
To  travel  through  the  world  I  decided, 

'Till  fome  new  opportunity 

Of  future  fupport  mould  turn  up  for  me. 

98.  "  While  through  this  neighborhood  I  wandered 
A  band  of  players  I  encountered, 

And  at  my  requeft  the  company 
For  a  new  actrefs  accepted  me. 

99.  "Already  fome  months  have  I  been  flaying 
With  them  and  in  their  fervice  playing 

Exceedingly  well,  as  I'm  inclined 
To  think,  the  parts  to  me  afligned. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate,          161 

100.  "  For  the  reft,  it  gratifies  me  greatly 
To  think  of  the  good  luck  that  lately 
Has  brought  together  you  and  me 
For  the  third  time  fo  happily." 


1 62         The  Lifey  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

Hofw  Hieronimus  conceived  a  defire  to  be  a  play-aftort 
and  honv  he  <was  perfuaded  thereto  by  Mifs  Amelia. 

t_J  IERONIMUS  exceedingly  wondered 
At  the  ftory  told  in  the  previous  hundred 
Verfes,  and  quite  forgot,  from  this  day, 
His  patron  and  Bavaria. 

2.  He  now  determined  that  he  never 

Would  leave  Amelia  on  any  account  whatever, 
And  confequently  took  it  in  view 
That  he  would  be  a  comedian  too. 

3.  When  Amelia  got  information 

Of  this,  me  approved  his  determination, 
And  extolled  her  profefllon's  dignity 
In  the  following  apology  : 

4.  "  I  know  from  many  an  example, 

That  the  ftage-player's  profeflion  has  ample 
Claim  to  be  called  the  worthieft 
Of  all  that  in  the  world  exift. 

5.  "For  the  theatre  holds  up  a  mirror 

In  which  one  fees,  even  plainer  and  clearer 
Than  in  the  world  itfelf,  how  odd 
Is  the  mixture  in  life  of  good  and  bad. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          163 

6.  "  Now  we  have  merry  comedies, 
And  now  we  have  tearful  tragedies ; 

Now  they  laugh  and  dance  and  fmg, 

And  now  figh  and  groan  and  all  that  fort  of  thing. 

7.  "  Now  comical  farces  excite  our  laughter, 
Now  tears  and  bloodfhed  follow  right  after ; 

Now  one  is  poor  and  now  he's  rich : 
To-day  in  the  parlor,  the  next  in  the  ditch. 

8.  "  Now  he's  a  peafant  and  now  he's  a  ruler, 
Now  he's  a  fool  and  now  he's  a  fcholar  j 

Now  he  is  young  and  now  he  is  old, 
Now  he  is  warm  and  now  he  is  cold. 

9.  "  Now  he  is  fober,  now  he  is  tipfy, 
Now  he's  a  capuchin,  now  he's  a  gipfyj 

Now  he's  a  beggar  and  now  he's  a  bar'n, 
Now  he's  a  varlet  and  now  a  Herr  Von. 

10.  "  Now  a  renownift  and  now  a  lackey, 
Now  a  chamberlain  and  now  a  blackey  ; 

Now  a  landlord  and  now  a  gueft, 
Now  a  cowherd  and  now  a  prieft. 

11.  "  Now  a  paftor — a  philofopher  famous, 
Now  a  fexton — an  ignoramus  j 

Now  a  monarch  and  now  a  fudge, 
Now  a  hangman  and  now  a  judge. 

iz.  "Through  thefe  and  other  fimilar  changes, 
One,  ever  newly  delighted,  ranges, 

And  the  courfe  of  the  world  is  faithfully 
Reprefented  in  all  its  variety. 


164         ^he  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

13.  "If  we  only  play  with  all  our  powers 
The  parts  which  for  the  time  are  ours, 

The  audience  applaud  at  the  end 
With  a  vehement  clapping  of  the  hand. 

14.  "  On  the  contrary,  when  we  fail  or  blunder, 
The  audience  is  down  on  us  like  thunder 

The  pit  and  galleries  all  laugh, 
And  hifs  and  yell  and  hoot  us  off." 

15.  "Your  account,  dear  Amelia,  I  cannot  deny  it, 
Pleafes  me  fo,  I'm  difpofed  to  try  it," 

Anfwered  with  a  hearty  bufs 
The  new  play-actor  Hieronimus. 

1 6.  He  was  now  to  the  manager  prefented 
And  to  him  by  Amelia  recommended, 

And  on  the  next  day  following  he 
Was  enrolled  in  the  acling  company. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          165 


CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

How  Hieronimus  became  a  real  player ',  and  how  Mifs 
Amelia  was  falfe  to  him  and  ran  off  with  a  rich 
gentleman,  and  how  he  alfo  in  defperation  went  away. 

INDULGENT  reader!  thou  fhalt  now  be  inftruaed 
•*•  How  in  his  new  profeflion  Hieronimus  conduced, 

When  once  the  manager  had  tried 

His  qualifications,  and  was  fatisfied. 

z.  Drunken  ftudents  and  profligate  preachers, 
Laughable  fextons  and  ftupid  teachers, 
Secretaries  amoroufly  inclined, 
Poltroons  and  rakes,  and  parts  of  that  kind. 

3.  All  thefe  Hieronimus  played  to  perfection, 
Becaufe  for  fuch  he'd  a  natural  predilection, 

And  every  time  he  appeared  therein, 
A  general  round  of  applaufe  did  win. 

4.  And  when  an  author  he  did  ena£l,  or 
Appeared  in  a  fchoolmafter's  character, 

Now  and  then  one  feemed  to  fee 
The  author  or  fchoolmafter  bodily. 


1 66         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

5.  But  when  the  philofopher's  part  he  affe&ed, 
No  great  applaufe  could  be  expe&ed, 

And  in  fentimental  paftoral 

Hieronimus  was  juft  next  to  nothing  at  all. 

6.  He  played  the  fine  gentleman  very  badly, 
And,  as  a  general  thing,  failed  fadly 

In  any  thing  like  a  refpeftable  part, 

Or  where  there  was  much  to  be  got  by  heart. 

7.  Hieronimus  in  this  new  employment 
Experienced  unalloyed  enjoyment, 

And  blifsfully  flew  the  moments  away 
In  the  arms  of  his  queen — his  Amelia. 

8.  He  would  not  in  his  love-intoxication 
Have  exchanged  for  a  king's  his  fituation, 

And  all  his  trouble  and  forrow,  at  laft, 
Seemed  to  be  over  and  ended  and  paft. 

9.  But  how  very  feldom  one  of  us  liftens 

To  the  proverb  "  All  is  not  gold  that  gliftens." 
Fortune  often  takes  a  freak 
And  plays  us  an  unexpected  trick. 

10.  Hieronimus  (as  you'll  fee  by  what  mail  follow) 
Was  fated  to  find  her  promifes  hollow, 

For  when  he  leaft  dreamed  of  fuch  a  thing, 
The  greateft  joy  of  his  life  took  wing 

u.  The  forrow  by  which  he  was  now  overtaken 
The  heavieft  of  all  he  did  reckon, 
Namely,  his  moft  dearly  beloved 
Amelia  unfaithful  proved. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          167 

I  a.  It  happened  thus :  on  a  certain  occafion 
A  rich  young  gentleman  of  confideration, 
Saw  the  enchanting  Amelia 
Perform  at  the  theatre  in  a  play. 

13.  Now  as  there  are  ninnies  all  the  world  over, 
He  immediately  became  her  lover, 

And  Amelia  was  flirewd  enough 
Not  to  treat  him  with  a  rebuff. 

14.  In  reading  her  hiftory  we  eafily  discover 
That  me  had  a  great  inclination,  moreover, 

(Becaufe  me  was  a  woman,  you  fee) 
To  frequent  change  and  variety. 

15.  The  rich  young  man  frequent  vifits  paid  her, 
For  which  Hieronimus  did  upbraid  her,, 

His  face  grew  black  and  his  eyes  grew  red, 
And  in  his  defpair  he  wifhed  himfelf  dead. 

1 6.  But  that  only  made  him  lefs  amiable 
To  Amelia,  and  daily  more  intolerable, 

And  very  foon  he  received  from  her 
A  renunciation  formaliter. 

17.  When  this  blight  fell  on  his  aflfe&ions, 

He  at  once  diflblved  his  theatrical  connexions, 
And  in  extreme  defperation  of  mind 
Left  the  fcene  of  difgrace  behind. 

1 8.  That  we  here  may  bring  the  narration 
Of  Amelia's  life  to  a  termination, 

She  left  with  the  gentleman,  and  it  is  faid, 
Died  two  v*ars  after  in  child-bed. 


1 68         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 


CHAPTER  XXXV. 

Hofw  Hieronimus  returned  home  to  Schildburg,  and  honu 
he  found  there  all  forts  of  changes. 

A  ND  fo  Hieronimus  was  fated 

To  wander  again,  as  above  narrated, 
And  never  before  in  his  life  had  he 
Set  out  fo  difcontentedly. 

2.  Amelia's  unlocked  for  infidelity 
Seemed  every  hour  a  new  reality, 

And  in  his  defpair  he  could  fcarcely  keep 
Himfelf  from  taking  the  fatal  leap. 

3.  *Tis  true,  if  I  may  exprefs  an  opinion, 
His  patron  in  the  Bavarian  dominion 

Would  have  been,  in  his  prefent  afflifted  ftate, 
His  fureft  refuge  from  adverfe  fate. 

4.  But  one  who  falls  into  tribulation 
Is  apt  to  lofe  his  felf-pofleflion, 

And  at  fuch  times,  ('tis  the  general  rule,) 
Refigns  his  wits  and  afts  the  fool. 

5.  And  fo  in  utter  defperation 
Hieronimus  formed  the  determination 

That  he  would  now  his  fteps  retrace 
To  Schildeburg,  his  native  place. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          1 69 

6.  And  now  as  he  met  with  no  detention 

On  his  journey  homeward,  worthy  of  mention, 
He  did  at  laft,  thank  Heaven !  arrive 
At  the  place  of  his  deftination,  alive. 

7.  Here,  when  the  firft  falutations  were  over, 
He  very  foon  began  to  difcover 

That  many  changes  had  taken  place 
In  his  long  abfence  from  the  place. 

8.  His  mother,  indeed,  he  found  ftill  living, 

But  in  outward  circumftances  far  from  thriving, 
Indeed  her  means  were  very  ftrait, 
And  her  bread  was  earned  with  trouble  great. 

9.  He  learned  with  forrow,  that  one  brother 
Had  gone  the  way  of  all  flefh,  another 

Had  opened  a  little  Nuremberg  mop, 
Whereby  he  managed  to  fill  his  crop. 

10.  The  eldeft  brother  had  fuccefsfully  courted 
The  uglieft  woman  the  country  fupported, 

But  the  money  which  me  did  poflefs 
Made  him  forget  her  uglinefs. 

11.  He  alfo  learned  that  his  eldeft  fifter 

Had  conne&ed  herfelf  in  marriage  with  Mifter 
Kircher,  the  fexton  of  the  place, 
And  lived  with  him  in  pretty  good  cafe. 

12.  His  fifter  Gertrude  one  Mr.  Geier 

Had  wedded,  and  become  a  father  by  her, 
But  thereupon  was  off  like  the  wind, 
And  left  both  bride  and  infant  behind. 

15 


170         The  Life,  Opinions ,  Actions  and  Fate 

13.  She  tried  her  beft  to  earn  her  living, 
Her  fervices  indifcriminately  giving 

To  young  people  of  the  richer  fort, 
From  whom  me  thus  received  a  fupport. 

14.  Another  fitter,  they  did  inform  him, 

An  old  widower  took  to  keep  houfe  and  warm  him, 
And,  in  fo  far,  appeared  to  be 
Living  with  him  in  peace  and  unity. 

15.  And,  laft  of  all,  his  younger  fifter, 

A  blooming  maiden,  whofe  name  was  Either, 
Did  ftill  to  her  mother  folace  afford, 
And  get  from  her  her  daily  board. 

1 6.  Now,  Hieronimus's  return  made  his  mother 
Very  happy,  and  no  doubt,  each  fifter  and  brother, 

Becaufe  they  fo  long  had  not  feen  him,  nor  heard 
Of  his  whereabouts  a  fingle  word : 

17.  Still,  at  the  fame  time,  it  would  not  do  for 
Him  to  be  living  at  home  as  a  loafer, 

And  fo  they  began  to  take  in  view 

What  bufmefs  there  was  Hieronimus  might  do. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate. 


CHAPTER  XXXVI. 


Hoiv  Hieronimus  became  a  night-watchman  in  Schild- 
burg,  and  honv  bis  mother's  dream  and  Mrs.  Urgalin- 
dina"s  prophecy  nuere  fulfilled. 


it  came  to  pafs  that  the  man  they  hired 
As  watchman  in  Schildburg  had  lately  expired, 
And  fo  the  office  was  lying  void, 
Vacant,  empty  and  unfupplied. 


-jt         The  Lifet  Opinions,  Actions  and  fate 

2.  As,  now,  in  all  ftates  that  are  ordered  rightly, 
The  watchman  can't  be  difpenfed  with  nightly  j 

The  burghers  confulted  in  the  prefent  cafe 
On  ordaining  another  to  fill  his  place. 

3.  Now  many  fit  fubjefts  might  have  been  felefted 
Who  to  taking  the  office  would  not  have  objefted, 

But,  on  account  of  his  powerful  voice, 
Hieronimus  feemed  to  be  their  choice. 

4.  *Tis  true  fome  perfons  at  firft  made  objections 
And  caft  upon  him  perfonal  reflections, 

As  if  Hieronimus  would  not  do 
Exactly  for  the  office  in  view. 

5.  For  the  city  would  not,  fo  they  contended, 
If  he  were  watchman,  be  well  defended, 

For  how  could  he  who  preferred  to  fleep 
When  he  ought  to  wake,  the  city  keep  ? 

6.  Neverthelefs  did  Hieronimus 
Very  foon  receive  a  unanimous 

Invitation  from  the  bourgeoifie 

That  he  would  the  new  night-watchman  be. 

7.  But  firft  it  would  be  neceflary 

His  predeceflbr's  widow  he  mould  marry, 
For  the  deceafed  had  ftood  very  high 
In  the  city's  efteem  defervedly. 

8.  And  fo,  by  way  of  compenfation 

To  his  highly  affli&ed  widow,  the  corporation 
To  the  other  qualifications  tacked  on 
The  marrying  of  her  perfon  as  zjine  qua  non. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          173 

9.  Now,  as  her  age  was  thirty  only, 

And  her  perfon  certainly  not  very  homely, 
Hieronimus  accepted  the  terms  propofed 
And  his  predeceflbr's  widow  efpoufed. 

10.  And  now  to  old  and  young,  as  they  flumb-ered, 
The  hours  of  night  were  again  mufically  numbered, 

For  Hieronimus,  the  new 

Watchman  put  his  horn  to  his  mouth  and  blew. 

11.  And  whenever  the  clock  was  heard  from  the  tower, 
He  began  as  follows  to  call  the  hour: 

"  Hark  ye,  gentlemen,  as  ye  lie  there  ftill, 
And  hear  what  I  to  you  fmg  and  tell : 

12.  "The  clock  has  juft  proclaimed  the  hour, 
Twelve,  one,  two,  three,  from  the  old  church  tower  ,• 

Take  care,  if  I  may  you  advife, 

Of  fire  and  light  and  your  daughters  likewife  ! 

13.  "That  no  one  may  fet  anything  on  fire, 
Or  any  other  harm  may  tranfpire, 

Be  careful,  therefore,  and  fee  to't, 

To 't,  to  *t,  to 't,  toot !  toot '  toot !  toot ! " 

14.  For  the  reft  he  fteadily  conduced 
Himfelf  as  a  watchman  well  inftrufted  j 

Slept  foundly  all  day  long  that  he 
Might  at  night  more  wakeful  be. 

15.  In  all  the  time  of  his  finging  and  watching 
No  thief  dared  rifk  his  power  of  catching, 

So  that  Schildburg  was  entirely  free 
From  all  nocturnal  burglary. 


174         The  Life,   Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

1 6.  And  every  citizen,  however  foundly  fnoring, 
Woke  when  Hieronimus  his  blaft  was  pouring, 

And  the  found  of  his  horn  and  his  nightly  call 
Were  heard  throughout  the  town  by  all. 

17.  A  wonderful  coincidence  this  muft  be  reckoned 
With  Frau  Jobs's  dream  (in  chapter  fecond,) 

And  all  turns  out,  to  a  hair,  for  us 
In  the  cafe  of  the  watch  Hieronimus. 

1 8.  And  that  which  Urgalindina  ftated, 
When  about  the  boy's  future  interrogated, 

On  the  ground  of  chiromantic  art, 
Was  verified  now  in  every  part. 

19.  Now  that  the  things  were  fulfilled  completely, 
The  explanation  could  be  made  very  neatly, 

As  with  prophecies  is  always  the  cafe  j 
They're  myfteries  till  the  event  takes  place. 

20.  Meantime  Frau  Schnepperle's  talk  (remember) 
When  Frau  Jobs  was  keeping  child-chamber, 

(As  may  be  read  in  chapter  3) 

Has  not  as  yet  been  fulfilled,  you  fee. 

21.  And,  from  our  prefent  information, 

We  mould  fay  that  Frau  Schnepperle's  reputation 
In  the  matter  of  phyflognomy 
Muft  fuffer  very  confiderably. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate. 


CHAPTER  XXXVII. 

How  Hieronimus  received  a  vifit  from  friend  Death, 
'who  took  him  to  his  reft.  A  chapter  which  would  do 
for  a  funeral  fermon. 


^HERE'S  a  fenfible  faying  which,  for  ages, 
As  is  very  well  known  to  all  of  us  fages, 
Through  learned  books  has  run  its  round, 
(In  the  old  church-father  Horace  'tis  found  :) 


176         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

a.  As  well  againjl  the  palace  portals. 

As  againjl  the  doors  of  the  poor  eft  mortals, 

Friend  Death,  who  is  everywhere  well-known, 
Knocks  with  his  old  dry  knuckle-bone. 

3.  That  is,  when  popularly  tranflated, 
All  that  lives  to  die  is  fated, 

As  well  the  monarch  as  the  boor, 
As  well  the  rich  man  as  the  poor. 

4.  Inasmuch  as  friend  Death  makes  not  the  fmalleft 
Diftin&ion  between  the  loweft  and  tailed, 

But  cuts  down  all  both  low  and  high, 
With  the  ftrifteft  impartiality. 

5.  And,  as  he  ever  flyly  watches, 

The  cavalier  and  the  clown  he  catches, 
The  beggar  and  alfo  the  great  Sult&n, 
The  tailor  and  alfo  the  Tartar  Khan. 

6.  And  with  his  fcythe  his  rounds  he  goeth 
And  honorables  and  lackeys  moweth, 

The  herdsmaid  and  the  titled  dame, 
Without  diftinclion  of  place  or  name. 

7.  He  liftens  to  no  compromifes  j 

Both  crowns  and  bag-wigs  he  defpifes, 
Doctor's  hats  and  flag's  horns 
And  whatever  elfe  men's  heads  adorns. 

8.  A  thoufand  things  he  has  command  of, 
By  which  he  us  can  make  an  end  of, 

And  now  the  dagger,  and  now  the  peft, 
And  now  a  grape-ftone,  gives  us  reft. 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          177 

9.  A  ficknefs  now  and  now  a  panic, 
And  now  a  miftaken  dofe  of  arf^nic, 
Poifon  or  pleafure  or  very  fpite, 
Or  love  or  grief  or  a  mad  dog's  bite. 

10.  Now  a  law-fuit  and  now  a  fplinter, 

Now  a  bad  woman  and  now  a  bad  winter, 
Now  a  noofe  or  other  fnare, 
Of  which  may  Heaven  help  us  beware. 

ii.  Againft  his  darts,  when  they  aflail  us, 
No  d' Arson's  floating  batteries  '11  avail  us, 
Friend  Death,  the  ravenous,  is  not  feared 
By  cannon  or  fortrefs,  fhield  or  fword. 

12.  The  commandant  of  the  Seven  Towers, 
The  grand  vizier  in  his  harem's  bowers, 

As  well  as  Diogenes  in  his  tub, 

All — all  are  fwallowed  by  him  for  grub. 

13.  So  is  it  as  far  as  memory  reaches, 
As  far  as  ancient  hiftory  teaches  j 

Jacob  Bohme  and  Ariftotl^s, 
Klaus  Narre  and  Demofthenes  j 

14.  Misfhapen  Efop  his  fables  tellin', 

And  the  Grecian  beauty,  world-famed  Helen, 
Unhappy  Job  and  King  Solomon, 
Gave  up  the  ghoft  and  now  are  gone. 

15.  Emperor  Max  and  Jobs  the  Senator 
Virgil  and  Hans  Sachs  my  ancSftor, 

Goliath  great  and  David  fmall, 
Early  or  late,  they  perimed  all. 


178         The  Life,  Opinions,  Actions  and  Fate 

1 6.  Nicholas  Klimm  and  Marcus  Aurelius, 
Cato  and  Eulenfpiegelius, 

Ritter  Samfon  and  old  Don 

Quixote,  alas,  they  are  dead  and  gone. 

17.  Kartouche  and  King  Alexander  together, 
As  like  each  other  as  birds  of  a  feather, 

Bramarbas  the  hero  and  Hannibal, 
Met  the  common  deftiny  all. 

1 8.  Great  Auguftus,  alfo  Poland's 

Hero  and  Charles  XII.,  nolens  volens, 
As  well  as  the  Perfian  Shah  Kulikan 
And  Czar  Peter,  that  famous  man  j 

19.  Item,  Xerxes,  with  his  hoft  fo  enormous, 
Potiphar,  of  whom  the  fcriptures  inform  us, 

And  Polyphemus,  the  one-eyed, 
And  old  Methufalem  have  died. 

20.  All — all — to  the  grave  they  had  to  carry, 
Calvin  and  Father  Santa  Clara, 

Likewife  the  Patriach  Abraham 
And  alfo  Erafmus  of  Rotterdam. 

21.  Muller  Arnold,  too,  and  the  Ruffian 
Imperial  Dynafty  and  the  Pruflian 

Lawyers,  and  April,  well  known, 
Who  fell  down  ftairs  at  Ratifbon. 

aa.  All — all — have  funk  beneath  his  fickle, 

Hippocrates  Magnus  and  Schuppachs  Michel, 
Galenus  and  Doftor  Menadie, 
With  the  Salernian  Academy  j 


Of  Hieronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.          179 

23.  Not  one  of  them  found  time  for  fleein', 

Not  Noftradamus  nor  fuperintendent  Ziehen  : 
With  doftor  Fauft,  dreamer  Swedenburg,  too, 
He  made  a  clean  fweep  and  went  through. 

24.  Orpheus,  the  great  mufician, 

Molifcre,  the  comedian  of  the  Parifian  nation, 
And  the  famous  painter  Apelles, 
Friend  Death  has  fwept  away  all  thefe. 

25.  The  long-eared  Midas,  (all  children  know  it,) 
Homerus,  the  old  blind  beggar-poet, 

Veftris  the  dancer  and  brave  Tamerlane, 
Struggled  with  the  deftroyer  in  vain. 

26.  Ah  yes,  dear  reader!  with  terrible  grip  he 
Seized  and  devoured  Penelope,  Xanthippe, 

Judith,  Dido,  Lucretia, 

And  the  queen  from  far  Arabia. 

27.  Cynic  Timon,  Democritus  the  laughing  phyfician, 
Juggler  Schropfer  and  Simon  the  magician, 

Socrates  and  young  Werther,  the  one 
A  wife  man,  t'other  a  fimpleton. 

28.  Bucephalus  and  Roffinante 
And  Abulabas  the  Elephant,  he, 

With  the  horfe  Bayard  and  Balaam's  afs, 
Took  for  a  morning  meal  like  grafs. 

29.  Summa  Summarum,  the  long  and  the  mort  is, 
That  in  none  of  the  chronicles  do  we  find  notice, 

That  friend  Death  has  ever  any  one  patted 
Without  coming  back  for  him  at  laft. 


180         The  Life,  Opinions ,  Actions  and  Fate 

30.  And  what  he  has  not  eaten  already 

He  will  not  fail  to  remember  when  he's  ready : 
Alas  !  dear  reader,  alfo  thee, 
And,  what  is  worft  of  all,  even  me ! 

31.  From  the  common  lot  (we've  now  to  mention,) 
Hieronimus,  the  watchman,  found  no  exemption, 

Him,  too,  friend  Death  removed  from  the  ftage, 
When  forty  years  and  three  weeks  of  age. 

32.  He  caught  an  inflammatory  fever 

From  which  he  might  have  recovered,  however, 
If  they  had  only  let  nature 
That  beft  of  nurfes,  work  his  cure. 

33.  But  a  doctor  who  in  curing  was  mighty, 
With  a  powerful  dofe  of  Elixir  Vitas, 

In  the  very  beft  method  carried  him  faft 
To  the  place  where  we  all  muft  go  at  laft. 

34.  And  now  when  to  the  grave  they  bore  him, 
The  Schildeburgers  did  loudly  deplore  him, 

For  there  had  not,  in  many  a  century, 

Been  known  fuch  a  famous  night  watchman  as  he. 

NOTE. 

One  is  reminded  by  this  chapter  of  "  Father  Mulvaney's 
Sarmon"  in  Mrs.  Hall's  Lights  and  Shadows  of  Irifli  Life : 
"  Now  you  fee  that  the  great  min  of  ould  times  are  all  dead  ! 
not  a  mortial  fowl  of  them  all  alive." 

"  There  was  Julus  Cafar  and  twelve  of  them  there  was — 
mortus  est — he's  dead  !" 


Of  Hteronimus  Jobs,  the  Candidate.  181 

"  There  was  the  great  Cleopatra,  an  Egyptian,  and  a  great 
warrior  ;  he  ufed  to  drink  purls  for  ivathtr — mortus  est !  he's 
dead  too  !  There  was  Marc  Anthony,  a  grate  frind  and 
coajuthor  of  Cleopatra's,  he  had  a  grate  turn  for  boating  and 
the  like — mortus  est — he's  dead  too  !  There  was  Charley- 
mange,  a  grate  Frinch  man  of  laming. and  tongues,  and 
with  all  his  laming — mortus  est — he's  dead  too  !  There  was 
the  grate  Alexandre  the  gineral  of  the  whole  wide  world — 
mortu-s  est — he's  dead  too  !  There  was  the  grate 

Cicero,  a  mighty  fine  pracher  like  myself — mcrtus  est — he's 
dead  too !" 


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